My foray into Gatoh Move’s ChocoPro show with my kid was a blast so today we went back to the well for another episode. This time we’re checking out the October 28, 2020 episode which was their Halloween episode because nothing says Christmas week like watching a Halloween themed wrestling show.
Opening…
We start with Chie Koishikawa and Baliyan Akki wearing witch hats talking to the camera about what’s going on on today’s show. The opening contest will be a one on one match of “X vs. X.” I’m pretty sure they mean it’s two mystery opponents rather than being two wrestlers named X. In our second match we’ll have a Halloween Battle Royal where in addition to pinfalls and submissions people can be eliminated by being thrown out the window. The main event will be a Monoboke Deathmatch between Antonio Honda, Obihiro Sayaka and Japanese deathmatch legend Jaki Numazawa. Akki then leaves and Koishikawa thanks some Patreons or whatever sort of donation thing Gatoh Move uses to fund their opporations.
Match 1: Baliyan Akki vs. “Baliyan Akki” (Emi Sakura)
So we have a couple of mystery opponents in our opening contest. Baliyan Akki is announced first and he comes out but then the second competitor is announced to also be Baliyan Akki and out comes Emi Sakura dressed as Akki much to his dismay and causing him to declare “That looks nothing like me!” His tag team partner, Mei Suruga, who seems to be opporating the camera and doing commentary for this match, however, is unable to tell which one is the real Baliyan Akki, further adding to his annoyance.
The match gets underway and two Baliyan Akkis lock up with the real one forcing the fake out out of the ring (mat) a couple times. Akki then watched as Sakura copied some of his signature moves before rolling through and getting her in a double leg lock. Akki then works over Sakura’s shoulder for a bit before getting them in a variant of the dreaded abdominal stretch. Sakura reverses the hold and gets Akki in the abdominal stretch. Akki, however, gets her up and sends her into the wall with a Death Valley Driver. Sakura booted Akki and then ran at the wall and jumped into it like she was attempting to Spider-Man onto it only to fail miserably. She then clubbered Akki and planted him with a slam before opening the windows and climbed up onto the to once again hang on the wall between the windows like Spider-Man. I’m assuming this is a thing that the real Baliyan Akki routinely does based on Mei Suruga’s response on commentary and how insistant Emi Sakura was to get it to work.
Akki actually cheers her on as she attempts the move but once again she fails so he ends up helping her up and holds her in position on the wall for a bit before bringing her back down and nailing her with a backbreaker. Sakura gets back to her feet and she and Akki both start throwing kicks but neither can connect. Eventually the real Akki lands a series of strikes and then drops the fake Akki with an enzuigiri. Sakura gets back to her feet and the two trade kicks again with Sakura getting the better of the exchange and kicking Akki in the knee. She then looks to get something going and charges at Akki but ends up running right into a dropkick. Akki then follows up with a rana.
Sakura comes back with a kick combo and then heads up to the windowsill for the Namaste Splash. She leaps off but gets nothing but knees. Akki then heads up top to show her how it’s done but Sakura sends the ref into him causing Akki to tumble out of the window and onto the mat. Sakura heads back up into the window and has the referee carry her across the room so she can deliver the Namaste Splash in a spot that caused my daughter and I to howl with laughter. Akki, however, catches both her and the referee in a triangle causing both of them to tap out giving the real Baliyan Akki the win.
Winner: Baliyan Akki
This was tremendous wacky bullshit. My daughter and I howled with laughter during it with the spot where Emi Sakura forces the referee to carry her across the room whilst attempting the Namaste Splash being a particular highlight. I love wrestling that doesn’t take itself too seriously and can have fun and this was an absolute blast. [***¼]
Match 2: Mei Suruga vs. Sayuri vs. Chie Koishikawa vs. Yuna Mizumori vs. Baliyan Akki vs. Lulu Pencil
Halloween Battle Royal
Eliminations are via pinfall, submission, getting thrown out the window. I guess this is Royal Rumble style since there are only two competitors to start: Mei Suruga, who is dressed as Snow White repete with an apple, and Sayuri who is dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. The two of them seem to be more content with complimenting each other’s costume and dancing about together than actually wrestling which leads cameraman/announcer Antonio Honda to bellow at them that this is pro-wrestling not fantasy. Eventually he convinces them to lock up which they do, trading holds while still kind of acting like princesses, but things eventually get contentious between them and they start firing off with strikes. Suruga ends up leveling Sayuri and then getting her in the dreaded body scissors. She then rolls her around the ring while in the body scissors, eventually getting Sayuri in a pinning predicament. Sayuri, however, kicks out and lays into Mei Suruga with kicks before rolling her up for a near fall of her own.
As the two fairy tale characters slug it out, the camera pans down to reveal that the third entrant has joined the match: an oversized shrimp sushi. Mei and Sayuri stop and examine this new combatant who leaps up, revealing themselves to be Chie Koishikawa. Sayuri and Mei start clubbering Koishikawa who ends up crouching down and transforming back into sushi again to get out of harms way. Sayuri and Mei Suruga then go back to fighting with each other which leads to Sayrui slapping on a sleeper hold as the next entrant joins the fray. It’s Yuna Mizumori dressed as Harley Quinn. She has a pair of weird tinsely pineapple baton things that she batters Sayrui and Mei Suruga with before grabbing some jack o’lantern decorations and putting them in front of their faces.
Baliyan Akki is in next, dressed as a samurai and weilding a kendo stick. He puts a stop to Mizumori’s abuse and we get a kendo stick vs. pineapple baton battle between the two. Akki gets the better of the exchange and Mizumori rolls away crying. Akki then starts to strike a victory pose but is block as Lulu Pencil enters the match by rising up directly in front of the camera. She’s dressed as a Gundam of some sort and runs absolutely wild on everyone with shoulder blocks. This is absolutely tremendous. I am a massive fan of some little guy or gal doing big man wrestling moves so to see a woman who could very well be named Lulu Pencil because she’s as skinny as a pencil running fools over like she’s Hacksaw Jim Duggan or Monty Brown is great. Chie Koishikawa, wanting no part of Lulu Pencil’s mecha meyhem, crouches down into sushi again.
For whatever reason, after this brief run by Lulu Pencil, everyone stops to pose but they all end up getting nailed by Akki with his kendo stick, save for Mei Suruga. The two of them then attempt to suplex Yuna Mizumori, Sayuri, and Lulu Pencil and while those two teams fight over a multi-person suplex, Chie Koishikawa climbs up onto the windowsill and crawls onto top of them to crouch down like a shrimp again. They end up collapsing in a heap and once they get back to their feet Akki starts throwing everyone into the wall. Everyone else comes back with strikes and after Lulu Pencil nails him with a lariat that causes him to trip over Koishikawa (who is curled up on the mat again) he gets rolled up by Koshikawa and everyone (including his own tag team partner Mei Suruga) dogpiles on top of him to eliminate him from the match.
The remaining competitors then stop to dance before Mizumori attacks everyone and gets Chie Koishikawa up for a giant swing. Sayuri gets Mizumori in a sleeper hold and climbs up into the window to try to get additional leverage but ends up getting dumped out of the window after Mizumori leans backwards and slams her back into the sill.
Mei and Lulu start jaw jacking with each other but are soon dancing with each other; a dance that ends with Mei sending Lulu flying with an arm drag. Lulu then rolls around on the mat and attempts to roll Mizumori up while Mei gets her apparently poisoned apple. Lulu ends up holding Yuna Mizumori in place for Mei who then charges with the apple. Mizumori ducks though and Lulu Pencil ends up taking a bite out of the apple and immediately falling asleep. The referee declares her eliminated from the match.
Chie continues to curl up on the mat while Mizumori and Suruga go at it with each other. Mizumori ends up getting the better of their exchange and nailing Mei with a splash but Mei is able to kick out. Mizumori then sends Mei crashing into the wall. Chie then gets involved and she and Mei try to swing Mizumori only for Mizumori to fight them off and toss them into each other against the wall. She then goes for a charge but Mei and Chie avoid it and she runs straight into the wall herself.
Chie and Mei then send Mizumori into the window with chops and kicks. Mizumori teeters in the window for a bit, on the verge of elimination before a chop sends her head over heels out the window and then, in a tremendous moment someone (Chie Koishikawa I think) hurls Mizumori’s Harley Quinn wig, which had fallen off during the match, out the window as well. And then there were two: Snow White and Shrimp Sushi…
Koishikawa tries to eliminate Suruga with a series of roll ups but Mei manages to escape and run Koishikawa into the wall. Mei then looks to go high risk and is very nearly eliminated when Koishikawa nails her with a flying ass attack. Mei, however, is able to hold on and stop herself from falling out the window. She then kicks Koishigawa down and goes for a double stomp only to miss and end up getting rolled up. Mei manages to kick out and then looks for the Propeller Clutch but Chie Koishikawa counters by once again curling up like a shrimp.
Mei Suruga then resorts to biting Chie Koishikawa’s tail, causing her to uncurl. With Chie’s defenses lowered, Mei quickly rolls her up with the Propeller Clutch to win the match.
Winner: Mei Suruga
This was absolutely amazing. I watch A LOT of wrestling and this might honestly be the most fun I’ve had watching a wrestling match all year. It was the perfect match of goofy bullshit and solid in-ring (or perhaps more accurately on-mat) action. The finish was incredible. There’s some video on YouTube of Mei Suruga declaring in English that her goal is “tasting people” followed by a compilation of her biting random people during matches. For whatever reason my daughter thinks this particular video is hilarious and watches it fairly often so when Mei started biting Chie’s costume my daughter leapt off the sofa and bellowed, “SHE’S TASTING PEOPLE!” and at the end of the day isn’t that what good wrestling is supposed to make you do? This night have been a five star mat classic in the technical sense but it was five starts of awesomely goofy bullshit. [*****]
Match 3: Antonio Honda vs. Sayaka Obihiro vs. Jaki Numazawa
Monoboke Deathmatch
I actually went and looked up what “Monoboke” is and some Japanese-English dictionary told me that monoboke (物ボケ) is a type of improvised comedy that involves fooling around with objects so right off the bat I’m going to assume 90% of this is going to go over my head. They’ve at least got Baliyan Akki operating the camera and doing English play by play for this so maybe that will help a little but who knows.
Antonio Honda comes out first and explains the match. The three participants will wrestle and if someone gets a two count on a pin attempt they will then be able to perform a monoboke which Akki translates as a comedic skit. If the skit makes the referee laugh then the performer will earn a point. Whoever has the most points at the end of 20 minutes wins the match.
His opponents, Sayaka Obihiro and Jaki Numazawa, then come out and say some stuff as well. I don’t remember of Obihiro said anything noteworthy but Numazawa promised to be 100% serious during this match which I don’t think is a good game plan since the object of the match is to make the ref laugh.
The match begins with a three-way collar and elbow tie up. Sayaka Obihiro and Jaki Numazawa end up trading waistlocks while Antonio Honda cheers them on. We then get a three-way test of strength that leads to everyone dancing. There are then a number of roll-ups and pin attempts but no one can manage more than a one count.
From there everyone burst into song before they decided to have a chop contest. They go around counter-clockwise and then clockwise so everyone ends up chopping everyone once (including Jaki Numazawa chopping Sayaka Obihiro right in the tit causing her to go wide-eyed). They start to chop each other again but Sayaka and Jaki Numazawa just start chopping Antonio Honda repeatedly until he calls for a time out. It’s just a ploy though and he uses his time out hand signal to chop them both in the throat. Honda then covers the fallen Obihiro for two to earn himself a chance to perform a skit. He uses an oversized plastic mallet to bonk himself in the head and then uses a headband of some sort to give himself a bump on his head. This garners laughs from everyone so he earns himself a point.
Numazawa and Sayaka lay into each other for a bit before Sayaka manages to roll Honda up for two. For her first skit she uses a foam bat as a popsicle but the referee does not find it amusing and tells her she gets no points so she blasts him with the bat and the match continues.
Numazawa manages to clothesline both Honda and Sayaka down and cover both of them simultaneously to earn to skit attempts. The first one is the one that I least understood since it was primarily spoken. Numazawa used a number of plastic pumpkins like puppets and had them talk to each other and then took a plastic katana out of its scabbard and started singing. Whatever it was about was enough to earn him a point from the referee. The second one involved a watering can, a fake white beard and a rainbow wing but it was not funny enough to earn him a point.
Honda and Sayaka then went at it leading to a pin fall by Honda that Numazawa failed to break up before two. Honda then wore a pair of sunglasses and a headband that made it look like he had a mohawk and sang a song. I didn’t recognize the song, but at the head he did a pose that made me think that he might have been doing an Ultraman skit. Regardless of what it was, it was enough to earn him another point and gave him the lead.
Honda then looked for the dancing elbow but Sayaka withstood his punches and cut him off with a low kick. Then she began to dance but before she could hit the elbow Numazawa nailed her. The he began to dance but likewise was cut off. Everyone powered up and charged but Honda ducked and Numazawa and Sayaka ended up crashing into each other. Honda pinned them both to earn two chances to perform. One of his skits involved putting a belt around his head like a headband and using tinsel as long hair and then bellowing about being Rambo and holding a squirt gun before using a ping pong paddle to represent blood after pretending to get shot. I don’t recall what the second skit was but it, like the Rambo skit, earned him a point.
With five minutes left on the clock the score stands at Honda with 4 points, Numazawa with 1 point, and Obihara with 0 points. Sayaka runs Honda and Numazawa into each other and then quickly rolls Honda up for two. She uses a tinsel garland as a necktie and pretends to be a salaryman but the referee does not award her any points for it. Honda and Numazawa then try to double team her but she fights them off and pins Numazawa with a bridging Northern Lights Suplex to earn another performance opportunity. This time she pretends to be a DJ and actually earns herself a point to tie with Numazawa.
Unfortunately for her, Numazawa score a quick roll-up and then put a pot on his head and pretended to be Robocop, earning himself another point. As we entered the final minute of the match it was announced that any successful skits would be worth 10 points. Numazawa managed to roll-up Honda who was laughing about the Robocop gag I suppose but Numazawa’s performance does not earn him any point. Sayaka then rolls Numazawa up but she fails to get a point as well with a skit that involved her using a kettle bell like a hand strap on a subway. As the time expires Honda scores a final pin fall. To raise the stakes it is announced that if he is unable to make the referee laugh with this last skit his points will be reduced to zero.
And so, after a moment of preparation, Antonio Honda performs his final skit which involved him committing seppuku with a plastic katana and using a tinsel garland as guts that he pulled out of his singlet. Everyone is disgusted with him and he loses all his points making Jaki Numazawa the winner with 2 points. Sayaka Obihiro placed second with 1 point, and Antonio Honda came in third with 0 points.
Numazawa doesn’t seem to want to win like that but gets his hand raised all the same.
Winner: Jaki Numazawa
I thought this was going to 100% go over my head but I guess men of a certain age, regardless of what language they speak or what country they were born in all saw Rambo and Robocop and are going to put a pot on their head or use a belt as a headband and pretend to be those characters if forced to come up with a skit using a box of random junk. There was still stuff that I didn’t understand but between 80s American pop culture references and Akki’s commentary it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I was also a huge fan of Big Japan deathmatch legend, Jaki Numazawa, being on the verge of laughing throughout this entire match. It really added to the overall ridiculousness of what was going on.
Like the other two matches on this show it was a fun, goofy little distraction that would probably piss off “wrestling purists” but I don’t really give a shit. I like nonsense in my wrestling as much as I love serious shit and high flying and blood and big boys that love to roughhouse. [**½]
Rock Scissors Paper Tournament
I guess these Rock Scissors Paper Tournaments are a regular part of ChocoPro shows since we get another one here. Again I didn’t keep track of every single match up that happened since it’s really rapid fire but the finals came down to the two women that started the battle royal: Mei Suruga and Sayuri. At the end of the match Mei once again emerged victorious and was rewarded with what appeared to be a chocolate chip muffin.
Things then wrapped up with singing and dancing and a group photo while Mei devoured a muffin and Jaki Numazawa looked confused as to what was happening. And that’s the show!
Final Thoughts
ChocoPro is an absolutely amazing wrestling show and this episode in particular was an unbelievably fun Halloween themed treat. If you’re the sort of person that needs good production values or hates comedy in wrestling I’d probably stay away but if you want something completely unique that’s sometimes funny, sometimes good “workrate”, and oftentimes both check out ChocoPro.
Atomic Drop 