WWE Saturday Morning Slam (April 27, 2013)

Saturday Morning Slam

I’ve been putting this one off for awhile as it’s the last episode of Saturday Morning Slam I’ve been able to find online and there was something comforting about know I’ve got 20 minutes of G-Rated wrestling goofiness waiting for me whenever I wanted to watch it. Today I figured is as good a day as any, so without further ado here’s the April 27, 2013 episode of WWE Saturday Morning Slam!

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Kevin Sullivan & “Mad Dog” Buzz Sawyer vs. Zan Panzer & Robbie Idol (NWA World Championship Wrestling March 3, 1990)

Sullivan and Sawyer murder the two men unfortunate enough to have to face them in this match for a few minutes. Sometimes in a squash match the job guy will get one or two moves in before being completely destroyed, but that is not what happens here at all. Sawyer and Sullivan take turns manhandling Idol and Panzer who get in no offense to speak of.

The finish of the match sees Panzer get hurled out to the floor while Sawyer goes up top. He nails Idol with a big splash and covers him, but then lets him up. Sawyer goes back up top and nails Idol with another big splash. He makes another pin attempt but again lets him up. The ref thinks this is bullshit and disqualifies Sawyer for kicking too much ass awarding the match to Idol & Panzer.

Sawyer doesn’t seem to care and proceeds to choke out Idol before biting his ear. Sullivan storms off (in disgust according to the announcers) while Sawyer mauls Idol. A crew of wrestlers run out from the locker room to attempt to pull Sawyer off Idol but they are unable to do so.

Eventually Kevin Sullivan reemerges with a chain and all the guys from the locker room scatter. Sullivan chokes Sawyer with the chain and with the chain wrapped around Sawyer’s neck pulls him off Idol to bring an end to the carnage. Jim Ross, on commentary, says that he has no desire to interview Sullivan and Sawyer after the break.

Winners: Zan Panzer & Robbie Idol

This is the sort of shit I kind of miss in wrestling today. Sure guys who can do flips and shit are cool and a good addition to what wrestling can be but I miss scary motherfuckers completely and utterly wrecking house on hapless losers, which is exactly what happens here. [**½]

Meanwhile Backstage…

Back from break we get an interview with Sullivan and Sawyer. They are joined by the third man in their triad, Cactus Jack who more or less just lurks in the background while Sullivan rants about Buzz Sawyer’s mother being a nomad who wandered the deserts. Half of what Sullivan says gets bleeped out which makes it hard to follow what he’s talking about but I think that the story is that Sawyer was born in a wasteland and abandoned and then raised by wolves and thus is not responsible for the way he acts. It’s one of those promos that made the people involved in the promo seem like the most dangerous fuckers in the world and that rules.

WWF King of the Ring 2000 (June 25, 2000)

WWF King of the Ring 2000.jpg

Having been working through the awfulness that is WCW 2000, I decided to go and see how the other half was living and check out a WWF PPV from the same time. So why King of the Ring 2000? Because I’m also randomly watching all the Wrestling Observer’s worst matches of the year and this PPV contains the apparent worst match of 2000 which, given the shit I’ve seen on Nitros from that year, is truly an incredible feat. So let’s get on with the show!

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WWE Saturday Morning Slam (April 20, 2013)

Saturday Morning Slam

Voice Over Guy welcomes us to a “heart-stopping” installment of Saturday Morning Slam. Somehow a show that promises to stop hearts is okay to show to small children but images of random blows to the head are no go.

Voice Over Guy continues by saying that Saturday Morning Slam GM, Mick Foley, is going to make a major announcement. Camera crews have apparently caught up with the GM, so let’s see what this major announcement is!

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WWF Unforgiven 1999 (September 26, 1999)

WWF Unforgiven 1999

Why am I watching Unforgiven 1999? Because I’m a glutton for punishment and want to watch all the matches that won the Wrestling Observer’s Worst Match of the Year Award and this one has the infamous Kennel From Hell match, which apparently was the worst professional wrestling match of 1999, that’s why! So let’s get our attitudes on and check it out!

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ECW Hardcore Heaven ’95 (July 1, 1995)

ECW Hardcore Heaven '95

This is a show I’d heard a lot about back in the day when I was into real sleazy garbage wrestling and shit like that because of the Taipei Deathmatch but I’d never actually seen it until I got the WWE Network and watched it, which automatically makes it 90% less sleazy than it would have been if I’d traded a 3rd generation tape of the Big Japan Supermarket Deathmatch for a dubbed copy of this, but whatever. Let’s get extreme!

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WWE Saturday Morning Slam (March 16, 2013)

Saturday Morning Slam

For the second week in a row Saturday Morning Slam begins with a voice over guy who sounds more like the Movie Trailer Guy than the Voice Over Guy from Saturday Morning Slam we all know and love. He delivers another doom and gloom bit of oration stating, “Last week on the Slam, chaos and disorder continued to run rampant throughout the WWE. And today an announcement will be made. Will it end the pandemonium, or will mayhem be unleashed?”

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