ECW (June 13, 2006)

Ecw_logo.pngTwo days after ECW’s One Night Stand their new, weekly TV program debuted on Sci-Fi. This is that show. While One Night Stand was, in my opinion, a pretty damn good show, the ECW shows that appeared on Sci-Fi have a reputation of being pretty terrible. So let’s get EXTREMELY SCIENCE FICTIONY!

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ECW One Night Stand 2006 (June 11, 2006)

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I guess this really should be called ECW Friends With Benefits or something since this is the second One Night Stand PPV. The show begins in true ECW fashion with a cold open. We see the rabid ECW fans packed to the rafters in the Hammerstein Ballroom chanting “ECW!” until the ECW theme song hits and Paul Heyman makes his way out to the ring to a huge pop.

Heyman thanks all the fans for being and says that with its rebirth ECW would appeal to a new, global audience. He hypes up the upcoming ECW show on Sci-Fi and tells the fans that it was because of them demanding it that ECW is coming back.

He thanks them again and tells them that ECW is going to be better than Raw or Smackdown. Oh Paul Heyman, how wrong you’d end up being, but that’s another story for another time…

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WWF Raw Is War (July 27, 1998)

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We start things off with a photo recap of Austin and Taker winning the Tag Team titles at Fully Loaded. You want to see film footage of it, order the replay baby! We get the opening theme music and then JR welcomes us to Anaheim, CA where too much pyro is going off.

JR tells us that there’s going to be a tripe threat match for the Intercontinental Championship between The Rock, Triple H, and X-Pac later tonight. Lawler jizzes in his pants because he gets to present a trophy to the winner of last night’s bikini contest and Sable has promised to wear a new “Raw bikini.”

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WWF Monday Night Raw (February 24, 1997)

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Welcome everyone to Monday Night Raw! We’re coming to you tonight live from the Manhattan Center in New York City! Vince is ecstatic to back in the building where it all started back on January 11, 1993.¬†Jerry Lawler is with him to remind us that he called out ECW last week and apparently they’ve accepted his challenge and are here in the building, but who cares about that when we’ve got hillbillies taking on cowboys!

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Terrance Taylor vs. Van Hammer (WCW Clash of the Champions XVI: Fall Brawl September 5, 1991)

Terrance Taylor is former Red Rooster, Terry Taylor, with a fancy guy gimmick. Van Hammer is the tall guy from Raven’s Flock who wasn’t The Yeti. This is Van Hammer’s debut and it is bowling shoe ugly.

Taylor attacks Van Hammer before the bell, braining him with an early 90s laptop computer. It would be the only offense Terry Taylor’d get in this match which saw Van Hammer hit a couple clotheslines, go up top, hit an ugly knee and get the big win. To be totally honest Van Hammer’s best move was him headbanging with a Flying V guitar as he came down to the ring.

Now I can see the logic in giving a debuting dude a win, even a kind of big one, but a 39 second squash against a former champion just made Taylor look like a joke. Give Van Hammer the win after 4 or 5 minutes and he still is a guy who beat a former champ in his debut, but it doesn’t make Taylor look like a chump, or have him squash an actual jobber. But what do I know, I’m just a guy who watches wrestling.

Haystack Calhoun vs. Buddy Rogers (NWA Chicago April 14, 1961)

Headlocks and hammerlocks are the order of the day until Haystack invents the Fat Guy Wrestler move set and slams his girth into Rogers and nails him with a big splash. Rogers gets fired up and hits a bunch of dropkicks that send Calhoun tumbling out of the ring. A ring rope breaks and Calhoun and apparently bloodied, and stuck under the ring and thus unable to answer the rapidfire 1960s ten count. Probably one of the better fuck finishes I’ve seen recently.

Also the belt Rogers is wearing here I think is the same NWA United States Championship belt thatwould  become the first version of the WWWF World Heavyweight Championship a couple years after this match.

WWE SmackDown Live (August 1, 2017)

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After an opening video package highlighting the stuff that went down last week as well as hyping two huge matches for tonight (Styles vs. Owens and Cena vs. Nakamura) we head to Cleveland, Ohio for action. Tom Phillips, JBL, and Byron Saxton are calling the action.

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