Oh fuck it’s the Bruise Brothers! They’re attacking their opponents before they even have a chance to get in the ring! That is not particularly sporting of them!
Match 1: The Bruise Brothers vs. Stormin’ Mike Norman & ????
This is barely a match. The Bruise Brothers attack before the bell, brawl their way into the ring, hit some power moves, hit a double big boot and make the cover to pick up the win. After the match they continue to pummel their opponents before we get the opening credits.
Winners: The Bruise Brothers
I feel bad for whoever the non-Stormin’ Mike Norman Bruise Brother victim was since he has more or less been forgotten to time. Joey never mentions his name (to be fair he doesn’t mention Stormin’ Mike Norman either but Mike had the wherewithal to wear tights with his name on the ass) and all the records of this match on the internet either incorrectly claim that the Bruise Brothers fought someone like Mikey Whipwreck or Hack Meyers or just have the second dude listed as ????. So ???? if you’re out there, let me know who you are so we can get you the respect you deserve for taking a hellacious beating from a pair of oversized Nazi fucks.
ULTIMATE JEOPARDY! Highlights of the event are shown during the cold open. It looks like it was basically War Games with competitors entering one at a time. Looks like the order of the entrants was Taz and Rocco Rock to start followed by Johnny Grunge, Kevin Sullivan, Mr. Hughes, Terry Funk, Shane Douglas, and Hawk.
The highlight reel was pretty good and I liked how they’d edit in one of the earlier Tod Gordon or Matty Indahouse hype videos to announce what each dude’s stipulation for losing was as that competitor came out.
We get the ending of the match that saw Mr. Hughes and Shane Douglas alone in the cage with Terry Funk. Douglas ties a plastic bag over Funk’s head and hitting him with a pile driver to pick up the win. Due to the pre-match stipulation this means that Shane Douglas is now the ECW Heavyweight Champion!
We kick things off with the closing moments of last week’s main event in which saw Taz besting Sabu in a fairly contested bout of grappling to become ECW TV Champion…wait that’s not how it went down? The ending was an overbooked mess in which Kevin Sullivan appeared to stop Paul Heyman from waffling Woman with a Zack Morris cellphone thus distracting Sabu an allowing Taz to pick up the win? Umm…ECW? ECW? ECW?
“9-1-1! 9-1-1!” the crowd screams. Paul Heyman gives the fans what they want.
Match 1: 911 (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Mikey Whipwreck & Paul Lauria
Double choke slam and pin in mere seconds. More choke slams come post-match. “Security” or ring crew guys hit the ring to try to get Whipwreck and Lauria out, but 911 choke slams the fuck out of them too. The crowd is absolutely losing their shit over this and the opening video rolls…
I still don’t get 911. Like I understand what he is and stuff, but do not get why he is so over here. He’s probably the most over guy on the entire roster which is just insane to me.
Road Warrior Hawk is on a singles run in good old Eastern Championship Wrestling. Here he’s taking on The Pitbull in a bout with lots of power moves and very little selling. Shane Douglas is on commentary with Joey Styles. He thinks little of Hawk as a singles wrestler.
Hawk picks up the win and this being ECW, Jason tries to attack Hawk only to be thrown by the Road Warrior into The Pitbull. For some reason, this causes the Public Enemy to hit the ring to randomly beat everyone down. Taz and Kevin Sullivan show up with pipes to beat the PE up which causes Shane Douglas to leave the announce location to go fight people in the ring. Terry Funk shows up with a ladder that he randomly hurls into the ring. He and Shane Douglas end up brawling into the back. ECW! ECW! ECW!
“IT’S NOT FOR EVERYONE AND IT’S NOT A SECRET ANYMORE!”
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A five star mat classic right here between The Road Warriors and The Mulkey Brothers. With Mulkeymania runnin’ wild have Hawk and Animal finally met their match?
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For reasons still not entirely clear to me, when I was in high school I thought Ahmed Johnson was the most awesome wrestler in the WWF. Maybe I liked his numerous knee pads…I don’t know. While the reason why I liked him remains a mystery I can tell you my favorite Ahmed Johnson match.
For my money, the pinnacle of Ahmed Johnson’s WWF run was that time he teamed up with the Legion of Doom at Wrestlemania 13 to face the Nation of Domination in a “Chicago Street Fight.”