ECW One Night Stand 2006 (June 11, 2006)

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I guess this really should be called ECW Friends With Benefits or something since this is the second One Night Stand PPV. The show begins in true ECW fashion with a cold open. We see the rabid ECW fans packed to the rafters in the Hammerstein Ballroom chanting “ECW!” until the ECW theme song hits and Paul Heyman makes his way out to the ring to a huge pop.

Heyman thanks all the fans for being and says that with its rebirth ECW would appeal to a new, global audience. He hypes up the upcoming ECW show on Sci-Fi and tells the fans that it was because of them demanding it that ECW is coming back.

He thanks them again and tells them that ECW is going to be better than Raw or Smackdown. Oh Paul Heyman, how wrong you’d end up being, but that’s another story for another time…

We then get an opening video package and One Night Stand gets underway in earnest with Joey Styles joining us from ECW Command Center 2000.

Match 1: Taz vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler

Taz makes his way out to the ring, looking a lot less menacing than the last time I saw him in a ECW ring. Lawler heads out next and Styles comments that he’s looking a little paunchy in the middle, which is hilarious after seeing Taz’s fat ass make his way out.

Lawler makes a pitstop at ECW Command Center 2000 and removes his crown. Joey Styles stands up, removes his headphones and promptly gets the taste slapped out of his mouth.

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He then heads down to the ring and there’s a staredown between Lawler and Taz. The bell rings and Joey Styles hits the ring and leaps onto Lawler’s back. Lawler chucks him to the mat and then goes for a piledriver, but Taz gets him in the Tazmission. Lawler passes out like 30 seconds into the match.

Winner: Taz

This match lasted exactly as long as it should have and turned out precisely how it should have. Along with the revival of ECW came a revival of Lawler’s hatred for ECW, Taz stepped in to defend ECW’s honor and beat Lawler quick to pop the crowd. It was a great way to get the crowd hot before the real action began. [*½]

Highlights For Children!

We get clips of the ECW WWE Head to Head special thing and the Taz joins Joey Styles in the ECW Command Center 2000.

Match 2: Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle

Orton comes out to pyro much to the disgust of Joey Styles who talks about Orton being a “sports entertainer,” so sarcastically you can actually hear the scare quotes. As Orton makes his way down to the ring, some kid in the aisleway punches him in the arm. Orton turns and gets in the kid’s face which I thought was some top shelf heeling.

The crowd is completely behind Angle and start chanting “Fuck him up Angle! Fuck him up!” before the bell even sounds. The match gets underway and Orton stalls, much to the disgust of the ECW fans. Angle goes for the Ankle Lock straight away, but Orton bails to the floor to break the hold.

“Angle’s gonna kill you!” chant the rabid fans.

Orton heads back in and Angle gets him in a side headlock. Orton manages to free himself and once more goes to the outside. The crowd is livid.

Back in the ring Angle sends Orton to the mat with a double-leg takedown and then proceeds to mount him and slap him around.

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Angle gets Orton in a modified sleeper but Orton gets to the ropes for a rope break. Angle then straight up offers his head to Orton. Orton applies a headlock, but Angle immediately shrugs him off. Again Angle’s like, “Here’s my head dude, have at it,” and again Orton goes for a headlock. This time Angle back suplexes the shit out of him.

Angle goes for a spear, but Orton moves out of the way and Angle goes into the ringpost. Orton lays in some stomps and uppercuts, taking control of the match. Angle, however, fires up and drops Orton with a double-leg takedown FROM OUTTA NOWHERE.

Orton knees Angle in his once broken freakin’ neck and goes for a cover, but Angle kicks out and grapples Orton to the mat once again. Orton fights out of the hold by biting Angle and elbowing him in the face as the crowd chants “Orton swallows!” Unperturbed, Orton slaps on a headlock.

Angle escapes and goes for some suplexes, but Orton avoids them and sends Angle into the turnbuckles. Orton charges but Angle moves and catches him in a German suplex. They have an uppercut battle that Angle gets the better of before hitting the Three Amigos.

Angle goes for an Angle Slam, but Orton counters with an armdrag and follows up with a dropkick for two. He then goes for a headlock backbreaker but Angle counters with a backdrop and then hit’s the Angle Slam. ONE! TWO! NO!

The crowd wants Angle to break Orton’s ankle. Angle thinks their suggestion is a pretty good one and goes for the ankle lock, but Orton rolls out and then sends Angle into the turnbuckles. A headlock backbreaker follows that gets Orton a two count.

Orton goes for an RKO but Angle blocks it only to get nailed with a back elbow. Orton heads up top and hits a cross body, but Angle rolls through and scores another near fall. Orton nails Angle with a clothesline as they return to their feet. Angle goes for an Ankle Lock, but Orton gets him with a ROLL UP FROM OUTTA NOWHERE! ONE! TWO! NO!

Angle goes back to Orton’s ankle and gets him in the Ankle Lock. Orton has no choice but to tap out. The crowd chants “You tapped out!” at Orton as he lies on the floor outside the ring. An official attempts to help him up and Orton demands a second official come and help him to the back. Cue up the “PUSSY!” chants.

Winner: Kurt Angle

I liked this match because it looked like an actual fight. A lot of it was really ugly and out of control looking with Angle just chucking Orton around with reckless abandon, which I guess what the “wrestling machine” gimmick is all about.

On any other show these dudes would have probably had a more evenly contested wrestling match, but here it was more or less 15 minutes of Angle humbling Orton and then some near falls, which was the perfect way to book this match on this night.

And to give the devil his due, Orton made a fantastic ECW heel here. He’s classically good looking, knows how to sports entertain, and completely a product of WWE and the crowd really let him have it. He might honestly have had the most heat of anyone wrestling on the show, more even than Cena. [**⅔]

Match 3: The FBI (w/ Big Guido) vs. Super Crazy & Tajiri

Super Crazy and Tony Mamaluke start off with some mat work. Crazy hits a standing fireman’s carry and covers for two. Mamaluke hits a hiptoss and works a short arm scissors. Styles and Taz shit all over WWE commentary and say stuff like, “When was the last time you got to call someone doing a short arm scissors?”

Super Crazy powers and does a Backlund Lift and then just dumps Mamaluke. Mamaluke hits the ropes but gets sent up and dropped face-first into the mat. Crazy follows up with a moonsault onto Mamaluke’s back that earns him a near fall. Both men tag out.

Tajiri is wearing his HUSTLE pants. The balls on that guy to wear pants promoting another wrestling promotion on a WWE/ECW PPV. Awesome. Tajiri kicks the shit out of Little Guido in their initial exchange. He goes for a tilt-a-whirl slam but Guido counters out of it was a Fujiwara armbar. Tajiri manages to get to the ropes but Guido stays on him.

They do some mat wrestling and Tajiri comes out ahead, cinching in a hammerlock/single leg Boston crab combo deal. Tajiri eventually gets bored of this and releases the hold to put Guido in a Tree of Woe. Mamaluke runs in to try and make the save but gets dropkicked by Crazy. Crazy then puts Mamaluke in a Tree of Woe on the opposite side of the ring. STEREO DROPKICKS!

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Super Crazy gets tagged in and hits the first moonsault in his moonsault trio thing, but Mamaluke pulls Guido out of the ring before the second one. Crazy manages to land on his feet and proceeds to take out the FBI with an Asai Moonsault as they regroup out on the floor.

Super Crazy goes for another big dive, but gets tripped up by Big Guido and pulled out to the floor. Big Guido sends Crazy into the ringpost and then rolls him back into the ring where Little Guido covers for two.

Mamaluke’s in but Crazy hits a flapjack FROM OUTTA NOWHERE! It doesn’t do him much good though since Mamaluke quickly regains control and gets Crazy in a Camel Clutch. Little Guido nails him with a dropkick and Tajiri’s seen enough. He comes in and cleans house with kicks. Crazy tries to tag in Tajiri but gets cut off by Little Guido. Crazy hits another flapjack FROM OUTTA NOWHERE this time on Guido, and makes the HOT TAG!

Tajiri comes in and lays into Guido with kicks and after dropping him with a spinning heel kick goes for the cover. Guido kicks out at two. Tajiri gets Guido in an octopus hold but Mamaluke hits the ring to break it up.

The FBI lads whip Tajiri into the ropes but he hits his handspring back elbow deal and takes out both dudes. He then nails Guido with a superkick and covers, but again Mamaluke makes the save. Things break down when Super Crazy hits the ring as well.

Tajiri and Super Crazy get the FBI dudes in stereo Tarantulas. This brings Big Guido into the ring. He attempts a clothesline on both Crazy and Tajiri but misses and gets double drop kicked for his troubles.

Little Guido and Tony Mamaluke then take out Tajiri and Super Crazy with a double clothesline. Super Crazy gets dropkicked from the ring apron into the crowd leaving Tajiri alone to fight off both FBI dudes. It does not go well for him. The FBI get him in a double muscle buster and pick up the win.

“WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL….IT’S THE BIG SHOW!”

Big Show makes his way down to the ring as Big Guido helps Little Guido and Tony Mamaluke back to their feet. Big Show hits the ring and wrecks house on everyone, including Big Guido much to the delight of the audience.

Winners: The FBI

This was a fun, fast paced cruiserweight, light heavyweight, junior heavyweight, whatever tag team match. The action was good, though not as over the top as some of the other matches these dudes have had with one another. As an undercard match on an ECW PPV it was totally fine though and the post match beatdown made Big Show look like a badass. [**½]

ECW on SciFi!

We get a promo for ECW’s SciFi debut.

Meanwhile in the ECW Command Center 2000…

Taz and Joey Styles hype the upcoming title matches, but they get interrupted by JBL from up in the balcony. JBL says that ECW wrestlers are a bunch of backyard wrestlers. A massive, “YOU SUCK DICK!” chant breaks out because even in 2006 ECW fans are an enlightened, forward thinking bunch.

JBL replies, “I see no women out here, and you’re chanting about a male organ. Now, tell me who’s the fruit booty.” Stay classy, JBL…

He brags about beating the fuck out of The Blue Meanie at the last One Night Stand and proceeds to proclaim himself the “King of Hardcore,” and then talks about how RVD’s only a star because of his time in the WWE. He tells Taz that he’s an idiot for leaving network television to go work on SciFi.

The fans chant, “asshole” at him and he tells them that they paid to see him. “He wasn’t even advertised as being here,” retorts Taz.

JBL finally gets to the bottom line of this long winded promo: he will be replacing Taz as the color commentator on Smackdown. He then calls himself a wrestling god and tells the fans to kiss his ass.

Books! Check ’em Out!

We get a commercial for the Rise and Fall of ECW book.

Match 4: Sabu vs. Rey Mysterio

This is for Mysterio’s World Heavyweight Championship and is talked up as a dream match. Sabu comes out and starts to do his pose, but then realizes he’s not facing the hard cam so he stops himself, turns around and then does his pose.

Rey comes out in ring gear that says ECW on it. Styles and Taz mock him for “having a cup of coffee in ECW,” back in the day and the fans boo him.

Both men begin the match while holding chairs, but promptly drop them and start wrestling. Mysterio gets the better of Sabu on the mat so both men go back to the chairs and attempt to wail on one another with them.

Sabu back body drops Mysterio and then nails him with Air Sabu off a chair. He goes for the triple jump moonsault but Mysterio drop toe holds him into the open chair in spot that Sabu completely botched. ECW! ECW! ECW! The crowd promptly begins a “You fucked up!” chant.

Mysterio jumps off the chair and hits a hurricanrana that conveniently leaves Sabu draped across the middle rope. Mysterio goes for the 619 but misses and gets a chair chucked into face by Sabu.

Outside, Sabu sets up a table between the guardrail and the ring and drapes Mysterio on it. He heads back into the ring and jumps from a chair onto the top rope. Mysterio rolls off the table, but it’s too late for Sabu to stop himself so he leaps and eats shit on the guardrail.

Back in the ring, Mysterio hits a moonsault press that is good for two. A moment later, Sabu hits a guillotine leg drop on Mysterio that earns him a near fall. He follows up with an Arabian facebuster for another two count.

Sabu sets up a table on the outside and then gets up on the apron. Mysterio dropkicks him off the apron onto the table and then slingshots himself cock-first into Sabu’s face, sending him through the table to the floor.

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The audience approves and chants of “Holy shit!” fill the ballroom.

Mysterio rolls back into the ring and Sabu leaps to his feet and hauls ass back into the ring where Mysterio covers him for two. Mysterio follows up with a springboard leg drop to the back of Sabu’s neck that earns him another near fall.

Sabu’s back to his feet and sets up a chair. He nails Mysterio with a triple jump moonsault and covers. ONE! TWO! NEW CHAMPION…NO! He goes for an Arabian facebuster off the second rope, but nobody’s home.

Mysterio kicks Sabu and sits him down on a chair and then goes for another flying cock to the face move, but Sabu moves and Mysterio lands on the chair. He gets back to his feet and Sabu chucks a chair into Mysterio’s face.

Mysterio rolls out onto the floor and then stands on the table that they’d bridged between the guardrail and the ring earlier as Sabu sets up a chair in the ring. Sabu nails Mysterio with a triple jump DDT throw the table to the floor. They barely caught any of the table as they went through it.

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Doctors and officials hit the ringside area and check both men. It’s determined that neither man can continue and the match is stopped. The crowd chants “Bullshit!” for awhile as Sabu and Mysterio get hauled away, but eventually applaud the efforts of both men.

Winner: No Contest

There were a few cool spots here but a lot of it seemed choreographed, which became more obvious with Sabu botches. That being said, it was a fast paced, fun match and the stuff that worked looked pretty awesome. And besides would a Sabu match without horrible botches truly be a Sabu match? [**⅔]

Highlights for Children!

Taz and Styles talk about the match we just saw and then give us highlights of the events that lead to the upcoming Edge & Foley vs. Dreamer & Funk tag team match.

Match 5: Mick Foley, Edge & Lita vs. Terry Funk, Tommy Dreamer & Beulah McGillicutty

Foley comes out first and gets on the mic and says that it’s true that he’s sold out. He sold out Madison Square Garden! He continues by saying that he had respect for ECW back when it was owned by a visionary; a real creative genius…Stephanie McMahon. He tries to get an Alliance chant going. This is fantastic.

Edge and Lita come out to join him. Edge mocks the ECW fans. The ECW fans chant “You’ve got herpes!” at Lita. Lita cuts a pretty bad promo on Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk saying that when she sat on Tommy Dreamer’s face that was probably more action then he’d had in a long time and better than his skanky wife.

Dreamer and Funk then head down to the ring. Beulah McGillicutty is accompanying them. Beulah talks shit about Lita and then suggests making it a six person tag match. She calls Lita a bitch and I guess the match is now officially a six person intergender hardcore match.

Edge and Dreamer start things off by locking up. Dreamer gets the better of him in the first exchange so Edge tags in Foley. Foley points at Terry Funk and shouts about wanting him. Dreamer obliges and tags Funk in. Funk proceeds to lay into Foley with heavy, open hand strikes.

Foley heads to the outside, loudly declaring, “This was a mistake. I don’t want to be here.”

Things quickly break down and all four men are brawling on the outside. Dreamer and Edge pair off as do Foley and Funk. Funk and Dreamer take control and bring Foley back into the ring. They brain him with a street sign. Edge rolls back into the ring and promptly gets a garbage can lid slammed into his dome.

Foley is out on the apron. Tommy Dreamer takes a garbage can and baseball slides it into Foley, knocking him out to the floor. Things have completely broken down. Edge is all over Dreamer with the street sign. We cut to Foley who’s punching the shit out of Funk now.

Edge goes under the ring and pulls out a ladder before heading back into the ring with it. Back in the ring Edge nails Dreamer in the face with the ladder and then props it up in the corner. Edge goes to spear Dreamer into it, but Dreamer counters and hip tosses Edge onto the ladder.

Funk and Foley head back in. Funk gets the ladder and proceeds to put it around his neck and spin around with it, taking out Edge and Foley. Dreamer and Funk set up the ladder near the corner and Funk begins to climb it. Edge, meanwhile, recovers and takes out Dreamer. He then shoves the ladder causing Funk to come crashing down onto the mat.

Dreamer’s seen enough and gets Edge up for the Death Valley Driver, but Lita hits the ring to make the save by punching Dreamer in the dick. Foley and Edge then head outside and start rummaging around under the ring. They pull out a goddamn barbed wire board and bring it into the ring. They drop it on Tommy Dreamer, who’s still lying on the mat. He starts convulsing.

They pick up the board and prepare to throw it on Tommy Dreamer but Terry Funk trips them up and the board falls on Mick Foley. The crowd is screaming for fire now. Dreamer and Funk attempt to send Foley into the board, but Foley blocks their attempted whip by just putting his arms into the barbed wire. He pulls himself free but is promptly assailed with fists and chucked into the board.

Edge pulls Dreamer out of the ring and crotches him on the guardrail give Foley a chance to make a comeback. Foley throws the barbed wire board into Terry Funk.

Lita goes under the ring and pulls out a spool of barbed wire she gives to Foley. Foley proceeds to wrap it around his arm and then smash his forearm into Terry Funk’s face. He proceeds to grind the barbed wire into Funk’s forehead.

Funk is a bloody mess and starts screaming, “MY EYE! MY EYE!” He collapses in the corner and the camera cuts to a silently shocked Asian woman in the audience that I assume they imported from a New Japan crowd just for this one reaction shot.

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Medics arrive and they haul Terry Funk off to the bank as the match continues.

Edge hauls Tommy Dreamer back into the ring and Foley wails him in the back with a barbed wire bat. Lita gets involved now and hits the ring to legdrop the barbed wire bat into Tommy Dreamer’s dick. Beulah does not look pleased by this and the crowd begins to chant for Sandman.

Foley brings out Mr. Socko and put the Mandible Claw on Beulah. Dreamer attacks him, but gets cut off by Edge. Dreamer gets a Mandible Claw too. Edge sets up in the corner and spears Dreamer. Instead of going for the cover though they turn their attention to Beulah.

Edge gets her in a pumphandle position, but here comes Terry Funk! He’s got a bandage around his eye that’s already soaked through with blood and is brandishing a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire. Edge, Foley, and Lita are all looking at Funk so they don’t notice Dreamer get up. He low blows Edge and Foley and Funk hits the ring.

Funk nails Foley in the gut with 2×4 and then hits him in the back with it. Edge gets the same. Funk and Beulah then proceed to set the 2×4 on fire! Funk then nails Foley in the gut with the flaming 2×4. Foley attempts to escape to the apron, but Funk hits him again, setting Foley on fire and causing him to fall to the floor through the barbed wire board.

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Funk mocks Foley on the apron as ring crew extinguish Foley and the 2×4. Edge then knocks Funk off the apron onto the barbed wire board. Edge turns back around but is greeted by Dreamer who plants him with a DDT. Dreamer gets the strand of barbed wire Foley had been using earlier and proceeds to choke Edge out with it.

Lita comes in and makes the save but Beulah takes out Lita. Joey Styles shrieks, “CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!” Lita, a trained wrestler, understandably gets the better of the exchange, but Dreamer pulls her off Beulah and gives her the Death Valley Driver.

Edge has recovered though and he sneaks up behind Dreamer and strangles him with the barbed wire strands and pulls Dreamer to the mat with it. He then sets up and spears Beulah and then pins her with her legs in the air and humps her as the ref counts the pin to pick up the win.

Edge, Foley and Lita head to the back and Dreamer scoops up Beulah off the mat to a round of applause. Officials cut Terry Funk out of the barbed wire with wire cutters as the crowd chants, “ECW!” in appreciation.

Winners: Mick Foley, Edge & Lita

Holy fuck! Never again in a WWE ring will we see a match with this level of violence. Blood. Fire. Man on woman violence. Barbed wire. Blows to the head. There’s a lot here that could make people watching it uncomfortable, but what transpired in the ring (and at ringside) really was very good.

Far too often with hardcore matches or deathmatches or whatever storytelling is replaced with carnage, but here the match told a story and there was a sound reason for these four men and two women to want to maim each other.

The ending was pretty solid too since it made Edge look like an even bigger douchebag and also not as “hardcore” as he claimed to be since he didn’t pin Funk or Dreamer, but rather Beulah. [****½]

ECW on SciFi!

ECW is returning. It’ll be on SciFi. It starts airing this week.

Meanwhile Backstage…

A stoic looking John Cena spins his spinner belt. This could be the last time he spins it.

Meanwhile Somewhere Else Backstage…

RVD is punching air to prepare for his match against Cena. He appears to be in a basement or something. Taz comments on how shitty a locale RVD is in.

Match 6: Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka

Mahoney and Tanaka slap hands at the bell in a show of respect. They start out pretty evenly matched until Tanaka hits a cross body that’s good for two. He sends Mahoney into the corner and nails him with a running forearm, but then gets caught with a powerslam that turns the tide.

Mahoney lays into him with some punches and then charges, but Tanaka pulls the ropes down and sends Mahoney crashing down to the floor.

“Aw shit!” exclaims Balls Mahoney as he hits his ass on the edge of the ring.

Tanaka goes for a plancha, but gets caught by Balls with sort of a spinebuster or something. I’m not really sure, but Balls ends up on top and proceeds to unload on Tanaka with punches.

“Gimme a beer!” shouts Mahoney.

Someone from the audience hands him a cup of beer. Balls drinks some and then smashes it into Tanaka’s head. He repeats this with a second cup of beer. Tanaka grabs a water bottle from the floor and does smashes that into Balls’ head and then whips him into the barricade.

Tanaka charges with a chair, but Mahoney steps to the side and evades the onslaught. Balls chuks a chair into the ring and then brings the action back inside. He pantomimes flying and then goes up top but gets cut off by Tanaka who superplexes him and goes for the cover. ONE! TWO! NO! Tanaka goes up top, but this time Mahoney cuts him off and nails him with a superplex of his own that’s good for two.

Both dudes have chairs. They do a chair duel. Balls gets the better of the exchange and brains Tanaka to pick up the win about five minutes in.

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Winner: Balls Mahoney

This was a fine match, but kind of a let down after what proceeded it (and what would follow). There wasn’t anything wrong with the match, both guys did a decent enough job and it served its purpose of getting a couple more ECW guys out in front of the fans. Balls getting the win was fine by me since he was the one that ended up sticking around for the weekly TV show. [**]

Highlights for Children!

We get highlights of RVD winning Money in the Bank and stuff with John Cena that lead up to tonight’s main event. Drowning Pool’s “Bodies,” plays as we get footage of Cena and RVD doing violence.

Meanwhile in the Ring…

The ring announcer starts doing introductions for our main event of the evening, but before he can, Eugene’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring to chants of “Fuck you retard!” from the audience. Taz makes short bus jokes and even Joey Styles acts all disgusted that a “mentally challenged” person had the audacity to exist.

Eugene gets on the mic and says that he loves ECW and that his uncle, Eric Bischoff, used to tell him he was as smart as all the ECW fans. He starts reading a poem about all the ECW guys and how he wants to go on a picnic with Sabu and stuff. The crowd screams “FUCK YOU!” at him so he replies, “Good luck to you, too!” He continues by pointing out people in the crowd and telling them that he wants to hug them.

UH OH! Here comes 911 The Sandman! Sandman chugs a dozen or so beers and takes 10 minutes to get through the crowd down to the ring. Eugene attempts to hug him, but Sandman nails him with a Singapore cane. The crowd pops huge for this.

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Eugene bails and Sandman goes after him, beating him as he attempts to crawl away, stopping only to make Eugene beg. Eugene does so and the Sandman grabs a second cane out of the crowd and canes Eugene all the way into the back and then poses up at the entrance area. ECW! ECW! ECW!

ECW on SciFi!

Did you know that ECW will be on SciFi starting this Tuesday at 10pm? In the event you missed the previous 4,018 commercials, here’s one more.

Match 7: Rob Van Dam vs. John Cena

There’s a massive “RVD!” chant even after his entrance music cuts off. Cena eventually comes out to absolutely nuclear heat. The camera zooms in on the “If Cena Wins, We Riot,” sign hanging over one of the balconies.

Cena does that deal where he throws his hat and shirt out into the crowd, but they throw it back at him. This happens like five or six times. They chuck trash and toilet paper at him too and scream, “FUCK YOU CENA!” and “CENA SWALLOWS!” as he stands there smirking at them.

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Eventually the bells sounds and the match gets underway. The fans in attendance are of the mind that Cena cannot wrestle. He proves them wrong by hitting a fisherman’s suplex that gets him a near fall.

RVD hits Cena with that double enzugiri thing he always does, causing Cena to bail out to the floor. The entire audience chants, “WHOLE FUCKIN’ SHOW!” while RVD poses in the ring and Cena collects himself on the outside.

Cena heads back in and he and RVD have a punch battle. The audience shouts, “YAY!” every time RVD punches and “BOO!” every time Cena does. As is always the case when the crowd does this thing, they start fucking up at the end of the exchange when one dude starts getting the better of the exchange.

“BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY, UH WE MEAN BOO! YAY, SHIT…BOO AGAIN! BOO!”

RVD starts to make a comeback but gets clotheslined out of the ring by Cena. The crowd chants “same old shit,” at Cena which is pretty ironic since RVD basically spends the entirety of this match doing RVD’s greatest hits. Anyway Cena takes this chant to heart so he goes up top and hits a flying atomic elbow to the back of RVD’s dome on the outside. RVD fights off Cena and then takes him out with a moonsault press off the steel steeps.

Van Dam gets a chair, but Cena cuts him off and prevents him for using it. RVD gets sent into the barricade and Cena charges at him, but RVD gets a boot up. He goes for a moonsault press off the barricade, but Cena shoves him off the barricade into the crowd.

CROWD BRAWLING! Cena at one point takes a “FUCK YOU CENA” sign, puts it in front of RVD’s face and punches it. RVD takes control though and then head back towards the ringside area. Cena gets draped over the barricade and RVD goes up to the ring apron. He nails Cena with a spinning leg drop. RVD puts Cena on the apron and then hits a springboard guillotine leg drop on him.

Back in the ring, RVD dropkicks a chair into Cena’s face and covers for two. RVD then hits a chair assisted Rolling Thunder that looks like it hurt him as much as it did Cena. He crawls over to Cena for the cover. Cena kicks out at two.

RVD lays Cena out with a scoop slam and then puts the chair on top of him again and heads up top. He goes for the split-legged moonsault (surprisingly no chant of “same old shit” here), but Cena gets his knees up with the chair still on top of them. Bad times for RVD…

Cena then DDTs RVD onto the chair and cover him for two. He then wedges a chair in between the turnbuckles and slingshots RVD headfirst into it for another near fall. Cena follows up by hitting a blue thunder bomb which causes the crowd to chant “same old shit!” Cena gives zero shits though and nails RVD with the Five Knuckle Shuffle and then sets up for the F.U.

“Asshole!” chants the assembled crowd.

Cena goes for the F.U. but RVD gets out of it an hits a dropkick. Cena gets in a three point stance and catches a face full of boot. RVD tries to capitalize and goes for a springboard maneuver of some sort but Cena catches him and powerbombs the fuck out of him for two.

RVD gets Cena up for something. I have no idea what the fuck he was going for but it looked awkward as hell. He puts Cena on the ropes and then just kind of dumps him out to the floor. ECW! ECW! ECW!

Cena gets back up on to the apron, but RVD dropkicks him, sending Cena crashing into the barricade. While Cena’s down, RVD gets a table out from under the ring and sets it up in the corner as Cena gets back into the ring.

RVD turns around and gets taken to the mat with a drop toehold. Cena locks in the STFU! RVD crawls to the ropes and gets his hands on the bottom rope. Referee John Finegan tells him to break the hold. Cena does not so the ref pulls Cena off RVD.

Cena is understandably pissed that in this ECW Rules, anything goes match, rope breaks are still being enforced. He and the ref argue and Cena ends up clotheslining the shit out of him (because knocking a ref out is a-okay, but having a guy in a submission hold under the ropes is not).

ECW 20060611 - 012.gif

RVD heads up top but ends up getting crotched by Cena. Cena then goes up and kills RVD with a superplex. He heads out to the floor and gets the steel steps and sends them into the ring. Rob’s back to his feet just in time to get absolutely leveled by Cena with the steps.

Cena tosses the steps out of the ring and talks shit to the crowd before going for a cover. Referee Nick Patrick hauls ass down to the ring and counts. ONE! TWO! NO! RVD kicks out. Cena gets him up for the F-U, but Van Dam grabs the top rope. Cena’s like, “Whateves,” and just chucks RVD out to the floor.

Cena turns around to find that a dude in a leather trench coat and a motorcycle helmet has entered the ring. The dude spears Cena through the table and then lays out Nick Patrick. The masked man removes his helmet, revealing himself to be Edge.

He pulls Cena’s corpse to the center of the ring as the crowd chants, “Thank you Edge!” This bothered me since the pretty much were screaming that Edge was a cocksucker 30 minutes prior to this and now they love him? Bullshit.

Anyway Edge leaves and RVD rolls back into the ring. He sees Cena laid out in the middle of the ring and looks perplexed for a moment but then goes up and nails Cena with a Five Star Frog Splash. Nick Patrick’s still out though. RVD attempts to revive him to no avail.

Paul Heyman hits the ring and screams for RVD to pin Cena. RVD pins him and Heyman counts. ONE! TWO! THREE! NEW CHAMPION! The place comes absolutely unglued.

RVD heads into the crowd to celebrate with the fans as the ECW roster fills the ring. Rob goes up to celebrate in the balcony with his wife. Paul Heyman’s in the ring with a huge smirk on his face. Eventually Rob returns to the ring where Kurt Angle and Big Show hoist him up into the air to close out the show.

Winner: Rob Van Dam

The don’t call him Big Match John for nothing. This was a really enjoyable main event. The crowd was hot for the entire thing with 100% of them cheering RVD and heaping scorn on Cena. I’ll give Cena credit for not only not letting their chants of “FUCK YOU CENA” shake him, but for having the balls to actually go do crowd brawling while they chanted those things at him.

I could have done without the Edge run-in, since it cheapens RVD’s win a little, but I suppose will set up a match between Cena and Edge at whatever the next WWE PPV is. It was weird to hear the ECW fans cheer for Edge after they’d just shit all over him like 30 minutes earlier. [****]

Final Thoughts

This was a fantastic PPV pretty much from top to bottom. The Taz vs. Lawler “match” was the least important thing on the card, but it was a match in name only, other than that the show was pretty much top to bottom fantastic. Even the “piss break” match was decent enough. Far too often with WWE PPVs I’ll find myself losing interest during certain matches, but that wasn’t the case here.

One Night Stand served as a perfect opening salvo for the resurrected ECW brand, unfortunately by December of 2006, things had turned to complete shit when they returned for their second PPV, December to Dismember. It’s honestly kind of amazing how in six short months they went from putting on one of the better PPVs of the 2000s to putting on one of the worst PPVs in WWE history.

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