My kid is kind getting of into wrestling but gives zero shits about dudes wrestling so I’m probably going to start watching more joshi stuff. Today I’m writing words about an episode of Gatoh Move’s ChocoPro show that I watched with my daughter the other day. I kind of dig Gatoh Move because it’s a bit zanier than something like Stardom and even Tokyo Joshi Pro which appeals to kid more than nonstop hard hitting action does. It’s also cheap as free which appeals to me. Anyway here are words about ChocoPro #86 which we watched because it had Mei Suruga (who my daughter likes a lot) in the thumbnail on YouTube.
Opening Deal…
Emi Sakura and Lulu Pencil start things off by talking directly to the camera. There are some tech issues so we don’t get any sound for most of it, not that it would really have mattered all that much anyway since once the sound comes in they’re just speaking in Japanese, a language I do not understand. I guess the only thing worth mentioning is that they’re actually in a wrestling ring, something that Gatoh Move shows generally lack.
Match 1: Chie Koishikawa & Hagane Shinno vs. Antonio Honda & Baliyan Akki
Chie Koishikawa has WAAAAAAAAY too much energy. She’s like a goddamn superball, bouncing all over the place and running in circles and shit. Her partner, Hagane Shinno, seems way more chill than her. They’re taking on Antonio Honda and Baliyan Akki who is one half of the Asia Dream Tag Team Champions.
Honda and Shinno start things off for their respective teams. They lock up and Honda starts working over Shinno’s arm. Shinno eventually reverses and gets Honda in a hammerlock that has him in trouble. Honda eventually escapes the hold and both he and Shinno tag out to their partners. Akki and Koishikawa lock up and go back and forth as well with wristlocks. The exchange ends up Koishikawa running in a circle whilst in a wristlock and then escaping the hold and proceeding to just run laps around Akki to celebrate as he patiently waits for her to stop. When she finally tires herself out he scoops her up and carries her back to his corner where he tags Antonio Honda back in.
Honda gives her an absolutely devestating flick to the forehead and then snaps her over and stands on her face. Akki gets in on the underhanded heel shit as well, helping Honda cheat before tagging back in. He works Koishikawa over for a bit and then quickly tags Honda back in. Honda does that “magic” trick everyone’s uncle did where they took their thumb off only after doing so he then used his detached thumb to deliver a fist drop on Koishikawa. I kind of love Gatoh Move.
Koishikawa starts to fight back but Honda cuts her off with a rake of the eyes. Koishikawa comes back by raking Honda’s back and then leapfrogging him and nailing him with a dropkick before making the tag to Shinno. Shinno elbows the shit out of Honda and then takes him to the mat with a bulldog. Honda starts to fire back and the two slug it out in the center of the ring. Honda starts to wind up for the Dancing Elbow. Shinno tries to kick him away but Honda is unrelenting and bashes Shinno’s forehead in. Both men then make tags and it’s back to Akki and Koishikawa.
Koishikawa lays into Akki with chops and then tries to roll him up but he catches her and pops her with an uppercut. Koishikawa comes back with a roll up and then follows with an X-chop that allows her to get Akki in the stretch muffler. Akki counters out of it and gets Koishikawa in a deathlock but Shinno comes in to break it up. He and Akki then have a strike exchange before Shinno gets sent out. Koishikawa eventually chops her way back to her corner where she tags in Shinno who comes in kicking.
He nails Akki with a series of karate kicks and then gets him in a heel hook. Akki gets out of trouble and he and Shinno go back to trading kicks until Akki takes Shinno’s head off with a dropkick. He follows up with a backbreaker and then heads up top. He comes flying off with the Namaste Splash but Shinno gets his knees up. Shinno then nails Akki with the X-chop and covers but Honda comes in to make the save.
Things break down into a fourway as Chie Koishikawa comes in. Akki and Honda look for stereo Dancing Elbows and connect. Akki then holds Shinno as Honda prepares a Gon Attack. He goes to strike but at the last second Shinno moves and Honda ends up nailing Akki. Koishikawa then comes flying in and dropkicks Akki into a roll-up by Shinno for three.
Winners: Chie Koishikawa & Hagane Shinno
This was a pretty solid opener. It was a bit ramshackle at times but “a bit ramshackle at times” kind of seems to be the Gatoh Move house style so it wasn’t a big problem. [**]
Match 2: Mei Suruga vs. Gabai Ji-Chan
Our second match sees the other half of the Asian Dream Tag Team Champions, Mei Suruga, taking on someone name Gabai Ji-Chan or as Mei helpfully explains in English before Ji-Chan makes his entrace is, “Grandpa.” Gabai Ji-Chan very slowly makes his way down to the ring with a cane and then takes forever to get over a small gap between the entrance ramp and the ring but eventually gets inside and then takes forever to remove his entrance attire so the referee has to help him. While all this is going on Mei Suruga is visibly getting more and more impatient. Once he’s finally out of his yukata and hat though, Gabai Ji-Chan attempts to leave the ring. Mei Suruga, thinking he’s confused stops him and helps him back into the ring and after a few minutes of schtick we’re finally ready for the match. CODE OF HONOR ALL UP IN THIS MUG as the two shake hands, or perhaps more accurately Mei shakes Ji-Chan’s hand while the old man just kind of rubs hers.
With hands shaked/rubbed, Mei runs and sort of jumps excitedly in Ji-Chan’s general direction which causes the old man to collapse to the mat clutching his heart having heart attack. Mei, thinking she just killed a man, crouches down beside him and bursts into tears. She is not so sad as to not attempt to pin Gabai Ji-Chan though which she does through the tears. Ji-Chan, however, kicks out.
He gets back to his feet and Mei Suruga starts calling the match but Gabai Ji-Chan cannot hear her so she gets progressively louder telling him to lock up until she’s nearly at John Cena volume levels calling for the old man to lock up. Eventually though he does hear her and the two of them lock up. Ji-Chan quickly uses his cane to hit her in the legs and drive her back into the ropes. Mei complains to the referee about him and asks him to take the cane away but the ref does not.
Ji-Chan grabs an insanely weak looking wristlock but Mei Suruga somersaults and reverses it into a wristlock that nearly rips Gabai Ji-Chan’s arm off. Ji-Chan fights back with his cane and then looks to follow suit and somersault out of the hold but ends up landing on his head and getting stuck in a pretty funny spot. Suruga tries to use Ji-Chan’s cane to armdrag him but he won’t budge and then Ji-Chan tries to hit her in the head with it. Mei avoids it but ends up getting tripped up by Ji-Chan with the cane.
Ji-Chan then winds up and bonks Mei in the dome with the cane like it’s a croquet mallet while cameraman/commentator Antonio Honda yells about “gateball.” Mei gets back to her feet and tries to get Gabai Ji-Chan’s cane away from him and again nearly tears his arm off in the process. Mei Suruga then slams Ji-Chan into the turnbuckles and then follows with a slow motion charge into the turnbuckles. Ji-Chan collapses into the corner and Mei goes for a charge but Ji-Chan gets his cane up and Mei Suruga runs into it.
While Mei Suruga sells the injury to her gut, Ji-Chan slowly makes his way up to the top rope. He ends up grabbing Mei’s hand and leading her around the ring as he slowly walks the top rope. Eventually Mei gets annoyed with how slowly its going and grabs Ji-Chan’s cane causing him to immediately tumble off the top rope and into the ring. Mei then goes out to the apron and grabs the camera to give everyone a first person view of her kickig Gabai Ji-Chan’s ass. Unfortunately for her we also get a first person view of Gabai Ji-Chan punching her in the mug and knocking her on her ass. Ji-Chan then gets a sudden burst of speed and chases Mei out of and around the ring.
Mei sucker punches Ji-Chan in the gut but he comes back with a Dragon Screw Legwhip and then follows with a Shining Wizard (or “Shining Ji-Chan” as Honda bellows on commentary). Ji-Chan gets her in position for a piledriver but first does the world’s slowest throat slashing taunt. Ji-Chan then goes to piledrive her but his back goes out. Mei gives Ji-Chan a double chop to the back but the old man shrugs it off and charges Suruga into the corner. Mei Suruga ends up holding the cane which apparently turns her into an old lady with a bad back. The two of them toss the cane back and forth for a bit before a fired up Ji-Chan goes for another piledriver. Mei, however, reverses it into the Propeller Pin for the win. She then has to book it because Gabai Ji-Chan is furious about losing and chases after.
Winner: Mei Suruga
This was the sort of dumb bullshit that Jim Cornette gets big angry about online but I kind of loved it. It was mostly schtick but there were a couple of genuinely impressive wrestling spots that reminded me that Mei Suruga isn’t just a clown. [***]
Match 3: AnCham & Yuna Mizumori vs. Pencil Army
Pencil Army is Emi Sakura and Lulu Pencil wearing coveralls and baseball caps and carrying oversized pencils with them to the ring. They match around and chant “Pencil Army” in the ring before the match.
The Pencil Army offer handshakes but AnCham and Yuna Mizumori just flip their hair in the Pencil Army’s generally direction and walk off. This looks like it’s going to be a FIGHT WITHOUT HONOR and boy howdy is it ever! An pose down between the two teams very quickly escalates into a fourway brawl. Mizumori is hit with a double pencil attack to the throat which Pencil and Sakura follow up by getting her in a double armbar. AnCham is not cool with this and comes back in to break it up. Unfortunately for her she and Yuna Mizumori both get rolled up with schoolboys by the Pencil Army almost immediately after she breaks up the submission hold. She and Mizumori both kick out and then hit Lulu Pencil with stereo ass attacks.
AnCham and Mizumori then get Lulu Pencil in a Boston Crab/Camel Clutch combo during which they do sexy poses at the camera. Emi Sakura then came back into the ring but instead of helping her partner merely marched in a circle around the pile of bodies while beeping and then marched back out of the ring. I’m sure this probably would make more sense if I followed Gatoh Move with any regularity or if I understood Japanese, but neither of those things are true so I was confused by it as was seemingly everyone in the ring.
Mizumori and AnCham continue to abuse Lulu Pencil while Emi Sakura looks on in frustration from the ring apron. AnCham gets tagged in and nails Lulu Pencil with a low dropkick. She then slaps on a sleeper hold and poses for the cameraman. AnCham chokes Lulu Pencil out against the ropes and then goes for a corner charge but Lulu ducks out of the way and tries to roll AnCham up with the Pencil Roll. It’s not successful so Lulu makes the tag to Emi Sakura who comes in and runs wild on AnCham with kicks but gets cut off when she runs into a dropkick.
AnCham then hits a diving crossbody. Sakura gets back to her feet and the two women trade low kicks before transitioning to forearms. Emi Sakura gets the better of the exchange and then goes over to the corner so Lulu Pencil can get on her shoulders. With Lulu Pencil on her shoulders, she then goes back over to AnCham and the two of them start wailing on her. AnCham pretty easily boots them both down and then follows with a double DDT. She looks for a second but Emi Sakura reverses with a twisting facebuster. She looks to follow up with a Stabber only for AnCham to counter into a Triangle Choke. Lulu Pencil then comes in to break it up but Yuna Mizumori hits the ring and easily dispatches Lulu Pencil.
Mizumori then hit Emi Sakura with a splash to the back that sent crashing into AnCham’s knees. They continue the abuse on Emi Sakura with a corner charge and choke into a back cracker. Mizumori then heads up top for a splash but Lulu Pencil tries to cut her off with a headstand kick. Mizumori, however, no-sells it and pushes Lulu Pencil over so she lands on her face in the ring. She then came flying off the top rope and leveled Emi Sakura with a flying shoulder block.
Sakura gets back to her feet and starts laying into Mizumori with chops. She manages to get back to her corner and tag Lulu Pencil back into the match. She stomps on Mizumori’s feet and lays into her with chops. Mizumori tries to avoid getting her feet stomped on but Lulu Pencil ends up kicking her legs and causing her to do a split. Lulu Pencil then rolls on top of her with the Pencil Roll holding her down in a split for a bit before rolling off her.
Then, after a bit of a stuggle Lulu Pencil whips Mizumori into the Pencil Stab and then she and Emi Sakura hit double backstabbers. AnCham and Mizumori attempt a double team of their own that goes badly for them but they manage to recover and AnCham hits a flying ass attack. The Pencil Army, however, nearly wins with a sneaky La Magistral cradle on Mizumori only for AnCham to break it up. Lulu Pencil tries to run wild with clotheslines on Mizumori but Mizumori absorbs everything that Lulu throws at her and takes her to the mat (and very nearly out of her coveralls). Mizumori then gets Lulu Pencil in the Tropical Crab and Lulu Pencil taps out.
Yuna Mizumori and AnCham then pose some more in the ring while Emi Sakura and Lulu Pencil stomp in the ring in disappointment.
Winners: AnCham & Yuna Mizumori
I can’t tells if Lulu Pencil’s awkwardness in the ring is intentional or not. Like I get that her gimmick is that she’s an underdog who is outclassed by her opponents but there was some stuff she did her that seemed less like someone playing up a gimmick and more like she was shoot unable to do the stuff she was attempting to do but like I said I really couldn’t tell if she’s just really good at playing that up and making me believe or if she’s just not good…or maybe a little a both. Regardless, the match was largely acceptable. I kind of dig AnCham’s whole deal. Getting distracted by wanting to pose for the camera is very good shtick. [**]
Rock Scissors Paper Tournament
After the main event we get a Rock Scissors Paper Tournament involving most of the folks on the show, including a referee and some dude that I think might have been the cameraman, or maybe the timekeeper. I don’t remember every single match-up that went down but do know that Chie Koishikawa beat Lulu Pencil in the finals to win a piece of chocolate. Everyone that was on the show then sang and danced around in a circle in the ring.
Meanwhile on a Live Stream…
After the singing and dancing is done we get Emi Sakura and Baliyan Akki talking to a web camera. They’re joined by Chie Koishikawa. They’re all in street clothes so I’m assuming that this bit happened well after the stuff that preceded it. The three of them thank their Paterons and talk about upcoming shows. Mei Suruga then jumps up behind them as they’re signing off and that’s the show.
Final Thoughts
This show was an absolute blast to watch and I think going forward Gatoh Move is going to be the wrestling thing I probably watch with my daughter since it’s got all the stuff she seems to like best about wrestling in one place: goofy bullshit, pretty girls in princess costumes, body slams, and above all else, a real Theater Kid “Let’s Put on a Show!” sensibility that permeates everything that’s happening on the screen. Like other wrestling promotions try to come across as cool but that’s not really vibe here. These are the same freaks and weirdos you went to high school who were making horror movies or playing in shitty punk bands doing a wrestling show and there’s something endearing about that. I love that the wrestlers are serving as camerapeople and doing commentary when they’re not wrestling. I love that instead of a fancy tournament bracket graphic for the Rock Scissor Paper tournament it was something they did on construction paper with Polaroid pictures taped onto it. Were any of the matches five star mat classics? No, but that’s not what I’m all about anyway. I mean I can appreciate them but more often than not I’d be happier with a really fun 3 star match that went 12 minutes and that’s something Gatoh Move definitely can deliver.
Atomic Drop 