Today, for reasons I cannot possibly comprehend, I decided to watch an episode of WWF Wrestling Challenge from 1992. I could make up some story about how I want to fill in some gaps in my WWE reviews here and since I’d not reviewed a single show from 1992 decided to check this one out but that would be a lie. The truth is, this was randomly on YouTube and was only like 40 minutes long so I decided to watch it while folding laundry because early 90s WWF television is the very definition of background noise so let’s check it out!
We’re in the Sports Arena in Toledo, Ohio with Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan…or at least someone was at the Sports Arena in Toledo, Ohio. Monsoon and Heenan are clearly standing in front of a green screen as they do their show opening bit. Monsoon informs us that it’s “T time” because on tap this today we’ve got Tatanka and Texas Tornado. Heenan tries to get in on the action be adding The Million Dollar Man will also be on the show today.
They go over some of the other tremendous action we will see this week from such superstars as Bret Hart, Big Bossman and Papa Shango. We’ll also get an interview with Money Inc. as well as a special report on The Ultimate Warrior. It’s Wrestling Challenge!
Match 1: Barry Hardy vs. Bret “The Hitman” Hart
Bret’s the Intercontinental Champion here but Heenan thinks that Shawn Michaels will win it from him soon. The match gets underway and while Bret works Hardy over we get an inset promo from Shawn Michaels and Sensational Sherri. Michaels says that when Bret gets in the ring with him he’s going to face his toughest challenge to date and while Bret might call himself the Excellence of Execution he’s “the Excellence of Persecution.” Alright Shawn…
Back in the ring Bret’s been in complete control of the match and gets Hardy into the Sharpshooter with ease. Hardy taps out and Bret Hart is your winner in 1:52.
Winner: Bret Hart
This was a nothing squash match. Hart looked good and Hardy bumped pretty well for him which is about all you could possibly hope for in a match like this. The feud between him and Michaels is one of the all time great feuds in the history of wrestling so to see it in its nascent days was kind of cool I guess. [NR]
WWF Special Report
Lord Alfred Hayes is here for a special report about the Ultimate Warrior and by that I mean he informs us that his broadcast colleague Mean Gene recently spoke with the Ultimate Warrior and then just plays and interview Mean Gene conducted with Warrior that originally aired on the April 18, 1992 episode of WWF Superstars.
Mean Gene is on the interview podium with a bunch of children with Ultimate Warrior facepaint when the man himself sprints out and joins them. Warrior talks about how the power of friendship compelled him to run out to save Hulk Hogan from Sid Justice and Papa Shango at WrestleMania and how because of the “Little Warriors” he’s unstoppable or some shit. It’s pretty obvious that the WWF is trying desperately to redo Hulk Hogan circa 1986 with the Ultimate Warrior.
As far as Ultimate Warrior promos go, it might be one of the more coherent promos I’ve ever heard him cut. It’s not a great promo or anything but he explains why he did what he did and called out guys that he could theoretically feud with. It was perfectly acceptable promo work.
Match 2: Skinner vs. Red Tyler
The match gets underway with Skinner pounding on Tyler. The announcers don’t really pay attention to this match at all, instead focusing their commentary on the feud between Ultimate Warrior and Sid Justice.
Skinner tries to liven the match up by going out to the floor for some ringside brawling but ECW doesn’t exist yet so no one really cares about him throwing a jobber into the ringpost and shit. So few fucks are given about this match that while he’s pounding on Tyler out on the floor the there’s suddenly a weird voiceover about some upcoming live event in Portland Maine. Whether this was just something that existed on the copy of the show whoever uploaded this episode to YouTube had going on or something that everyone watching Wrestling Challenge on April 26, 1992 was treated to I cannot say.
Was this a thing that routinely happened on Wrestling Challenge? Like was there just dead air for people who didn’t have any WWF shows coming through their neck of the woods any time soon? Did they cut out commentary that people not near Portland, Maine would have heard? I’m very confused by this since I have no recollection of it being a thing that happened on Wrestling Challenge though I was certainly in an area that would have had WWF shows routinely coming through my town or towns nearby enough to be part of the same cable system. Why am I talking about this? Because this match sucks and there’s nothing else really worth talking about.
Anyway Heenan and Monsoon’s commentary returns as Skinner sends Tyler back into the ring to wrap things up. He boots Tyler in the gut and then nails him with the inverted DDT to pick up the win.
Winner: Skinner
Wasn’t Skinner basically a jobber to the stars? Why couldn’t we have gotten anyone else on this card beating him in a competitive five minute main event instead of the nine million one minute squashes we got on this episode? This was a nothing match between a jobber and a guy that was a nobody in 1992 WWF. [NR]
Meanwhile in the WWF Event Center…
Sean Mooney checks in to hype up an upcoming live event at the Boston Gardens. The main event of the show will see Sid Justice take on the Ultimate Warrior. Mooney then throws to Sid Justice and Harvey Wippleman for comments on the monumental battle.
Sid cuts a classic Sid whisper-scream-whisper-scream promo on Warrior demanding at one point for Warrior to, “TELL ME HOW IT FEELS TO FEAR THE MAN WHO RULES THE WORLD!!!”
We then get a rebuttal from the Ultimate Warrior who says that since he knows of no such man, creature, or being who rules the world he is unable to register fear. Okay then!
Video Package!
We get a video package about the soon to debut Crush. He tells us how he came to be come known as Crush and oh my god is it amazing. We see 1992 Crush is all his neon splendor standing in front of a cinder block wall with “CRUSH” spray painted onto it with neon spray paint explaining that more more than anything he likes to crush things and has since he was a small child.
We then get footage? A dramatic reenactment? Something…of a young Crush playing with Lincoln logs on a living room floor somewhere in Hawaii. He pauses and proceeds to crush a soda can that’s on the floor beside him. And that’s it! Amazing!
Match 3: “The Model” Rick Martel vs. Chris Hahn
Heenan shits all over what we just saw as Rick Martel heads out for the next match but quickly takes it back when Gorilla talks about mentioning it to Crush. As the match gets underway, Gorilla talks about Martel losing to Tatanka at WrestleMania.
Martel and Hahn go through some basic back and forth early on ending in a stalemate while over on commentary Bobby Heenan is kind of racist towards Tatanka. Hahn’s hanging with Martel pretty well in the early going but that all comes screeching to a halt after Martel hits Hahn with a clothesline and then follows with a gut-wrench suplex. Martel maintains control of Hahn and gets him in the Boston Crab. Hahn has no choice but to give it up and Rick Martel picks up the win in 2:14.
Gorilla briefly plugs the WrestleMania VIII Coliseum Home Video release available at fine video stores nationwide and when he’s done, Martel’s still walking up the aisle. Tatanka’s music hits and he comes out for his match. Martel gets into it with Tatanka and ends up spraying Arrogance at him which leads to his atomizer getting broken. This feud must continue!
Winner: Rick Martel
This was maybe the most evenly contested match of the show with Hahn actually getting in some basic offense. It wasn’t a great match or anything but Martel is good and it wasn’t an outright steamrolling so for that I was thankful. [*]
Match 4: Tatanka vs. Duane Gill
Tatanka gets in the ring and his opponent, the future Gillberg, Duane Gill, is already there. Tatanka does what Tatanka’s gonna do and just chops the fuck out of Gill who bumps around like a champ for him. More chops from Tatanka who does his war dance as Gill continues to bump his ass off.
Tatanka heads up top and comes off with a flying chop and then nails Gill with a Samoan Drop for the one, the two, and the three. Tatanka is your winner in 2:15.
Winner: Tatanka
This might have been the most enjoyable match on this particular show. Tatanka worked hard here and Duane Gill circa 1992 was a solid enhancement talent who bumped and sold well for the guys he was in the ring with. The crowd is into Tatanka so the push he’s getting seems justified. [*½]
Meanwhile in the WWF Event Center…
Sean Mooney is back with more updates about WWF events. He lets us know that the Bushwhackers will be at the Almacs Food Festival ’92 somewhere in Rhode Island before getting back to the big show coming up at the Boston Gardens. Apparently we will see the Repo Man take on the British Bulldog in singles competition. Repo Man has some comments about his upcoming match.
We get a brief promo from Repo Man about how he hates dogs because when he tries to repossess cars they bark and wake everyone up so he kicks them in the face and strangles them with his repo rope hook think.
Back in the Event Center, Mooney talks about how the Legion of Doom is back with their manager Paul Ellering and how they’ll be taking on the Beverly Brothers in Boston this Sunday before throwing to a promo from the Legion of Doom. The Legion of Doom and Paul Ellering scream a bunch of nonsense about the Beverly Brothers and that’s it. We don’t even get an “OOOOOOOOOOOH!!!! WHADDA RUUUUUSH!!!” I feel cheated.
Match 5: Texas Tornado vs. Mark Roberts
Texas Tornado heads out and kisses a bunch of girls at ringside. One of them seems to faint when he does so. Seeing Kerry Von Erich doing his entire Kerry Von Erich shtick outside of the Sportatorium in Dallas is super weird.
He’s taking on some dude named Mark Roberts. Neither announcer seems to give a shit about the match choosing instead to talk about Ric Flair with Heenan being of the mind that Savage cheated to beat Flair for the belt at WrestleMania.
While Tornado does some basic-ass offensive moves on Roberts we get an inset promo from Tornado about how he was gone for a while but is glad to be back in the ring after getting his mind, body, and soul right. His marriage had apparently fallen apart earlier in the year and he’d been off television for two months due to this. He’d leave the WWF a few months after this match after being left off the SummerSlam card.
Why am I talking about any of this? Because there’s nothing happening in the ring. Tornado nails Roberts with a Tornado Punch and covers to pick up the win in 2:16.
Winner: Texas Tornado
Another nothing squash match. Having now seen way more WCCW than I had when I saw Texas Tornado show up in WWF as a kid it kind of bums me out to see him here, reduced to kind of a goof. Yes, I know that WWF’s entire business model was to take the top guy(s) out of every other territory and turn them into schmucks but there’s a sort of sadness to see it happen to Kerry Von Erich that I don’t really feel when seeing it happen to a guy like Rick Martel or whatever. [NR]
Products & Services
Gorilla Monsoon plugs the latest issue of the WBF magazine which apparently has an article about which fast food restaurants are the shittiest or something.
Meanwhile at the Interview Platform…
Gene Okerlund brings Money Inc. and their manager, Jimmy Hart, out to be interviewed. As they head over to Gene, Gorilla says that he thinks Money Inc. should be stripped of the titles for walking out of their title defense at WrestleMania. Heenan, however, says that they merely took advantage of the rules as they exist.
Over on the platform, Jimmy Hart has the mic and talks about how he managed the Natural Disasters for “a year and a half” which isn’t really true since the team had only existed since the summer of ’91 but maybe he’s confused and is referring to his time managing Earthquake as a singles competitor. Either way, he says that he knows what they’re all about and therefore Money Inc. isn’t worried about them.
DiBiase and I.R.S. then talk about how they did exactly what they said they were going to do and that was walking out of WrestleMania as tag team champions. DiBiase says that onus is on the Natural Disasters to beat them in the ring not the other way around.
This was a basic-ass promo designed to continue a feud. Certainly not something that one could consider a hidden gem of a promo or anything like that.
Match 6: Big Bossman vs. Tom Bennett
Bossman heads down to the ring for yet another squash match. He pounds on Tom Bennett for a bit before we get an inset promo fomr Bossman where he calls out “The Convict” who apparently has 30 days left on his sentence. Heenan says that he’s heard it’s closer to a week before The Convict is released and then goes on and on about how Bossman abused The Convict while he was a prison guard. Monsoon does not believe such things.
Bossman hits a Bossman Slam and covers for the one, two, three, picking up the win in 1:56.
Winner Big Bossman
For those of you who don’t remember 1992 WWF, “The Convict” they kept talking about would be none other than Nailz. That’s right kids, Nailz is coming! That’s the only thing of note to happen here since it was yet another short, one sided affair. As far as squash matches go, this one wasn’t terrible I guess, but I want at least one match that’s a bit more evenly contested. [NR]
Match 7: Papa Shango vs. Buck Zumhofe
Papa Shango comes out in all his voodoo finery as we get shots of kids in the crowd who are supposed to be scared but really just look bored more than anything else. He gets in the ring and hangs up his smoking skull on the ringpost. Today he’s going up against convicted pedophile and noted incest enthusiast Buck Zumhofe in what I’m guessing is today’s main event based entirely on the fact that no matches follow it.
Shango just beats on Zumhofe as Gorilla and Heenan talk about Warrior running out at WrestleMania because of Papa Shango. Meanwhile in the ring Shango takes Zumhofe’s head off with a lariat while Heenan decides to talk about the WBF and how Cameo (the female host of the show based on the commercial that would follow this match) is in love with Mr. Perfect and wants to fuck him.
Cue Gorilla Monsoon imploring Bobby Heenan to “please stop.” Monsoon says that a lovely girl like Cameo wouldn’t be interested in a scumbag like Mr. Perfect but Heenan insists that she said she wanted to date Perfect around Christmastime. “She said she’d go out with him when something or other froze over so I thought around the holidays,” he tells Monsoon.
This exchange is far more interesting that anything that’s happening in the ring. Eventually Papa Shango murders Zumhofe with a reverse shoulder breaker and picks up the win in 2:43. Afterwards he gets some of his voodoo accouterments and does voodoo shit over Buck Zumhofe’s unfortunately not literal corpse.
Winner: Papa Shango
This kind of sucked. Buck Zumhofe is a terrible human being so I was glad that he got his ass beat in this fake fight but the actual match was a whole lot of nothing and no one in the crowd seemed to give a shit about anything Papa Shango did. [-*]
Meanwhile in the WWF Event Center…
Sean Mooney checks back in to implore us to go to a WWF live event with our friends if we haven’t already. He give us a run down of the card which will see Bret Hart defend his Intercontinental Championship against Shawn Michaels. We then hear from both the champion and the challenger.
Bret Hart calls Shawn Michaels “Mr. Cool” and tells him that he doesn’t know what cool is until he steps into the ring with him. He also calls Sherri a “tramp.”
Shawn Michaels rebuttal is to talk about how good he is at fucking. He says that Bret looks too satisfied and how the last time he saw someone look that satisfied she stayed with him implying that Sherri was with him because he fucks good. On the non-fucking front, Michaels tells Bret that it’s easier to win a title than to hold onto it which I don’t think is really true and in fact Money Inc. just cut a promo about how the opposite is true. Maybe stick to cutting promos about how good your fuck skills are Shawn?
Products & Services
We get an advertisement for WBF Bodystars (“Saturday mornings on the USA Network!”) and this honestly might be the best part of the entire show. Picture peak musclefuck Vince McMahon in early 90s workout gear screaming about “hangin’ and bangin'” and shit like that. I howled with laughter!
Next Week!
Gorilla and Heenan hype next week’s show which will see Ric Flair and Legion of Doom in action as well as a match pitting The Repo Man against The British Bulldog. We’ve got comments from both men coming up right now!
Promos!
We get promos from the two men in next week’s feature bout: The Repo Man and The British Bulldog. Repo Man talks about how he hates dogs since they wake up everyone when he’s trying to repossess cars in the middle of the night so he’s got a leash for the British Bulldog when they meet next week. This was thematically very similar to his promo he cut for the show at the Boston Gardens with slightly fewer admissions of animal abuse.
The British Bulldog responds by saying that he’s always alert, which I might believe more if his eyes weren’t glazed over while he was saying it. He then tells Repo Man that no leash could possibly contain him before flexing his muscles.
Final Thoughts
Christ on a crutch was this a pretty dire episode of television wrestling! I know that pre-Monday Night Wars televised wrestling was a very different beast but I’ve watched a lot of old shit since I started doing this blog and cannot, for the life of me recall another show that was 100% jobber squash matches. Sure a lot of early 90s WCW shows were mostly squash matches but you’d always get at least one maybe two feature bouts between midcarders so the show didn’t feel like a complete waste of time. Unless you’re on some weird mission to see every single match wrestled by one of the dudes that happened to show up on this episode, you can avoid this one since there’s absolutely nothing happening here in the ring and there aren’t even any promos or interviews worth looking at.
Atomic Drop 