WWF Raw Is War (July 27, 1998)

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We start things off with a photo recap of Austin and Taker winning the Tag Team titles at Fully Loaded. You want to see film footage of it, order the replay baby! We get the opening theme music and then JR welcomes us to Anaheim, CA where too much pyro is going off.

JR tells us that there’s going to be a tripe threat match for the Intercontinental Championship between The Rock, Triple H, and X-Pac later tonight. Lawler jizzes in his pants because he gets to present a trophy to the winner of last night’s bikini contest and Sable has promised to wear a new “Raw bikini.”

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ECW (April 5, 1994)

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Oh fuck it’s the Bruise Brothers! They’re attacking their opponents before they even have a chance to get in the ring! That is not particularly sporting of them!

Match 1: The Bruise Brothers vs. Stormin’ Mike Norman & ????

This is barely a match. The Bruise Brothers attack before the bell, brawl their way into the ring, hit some power moves, hit a double big boot and make the cover to pick up the win. After the match they continue to pummel their opponents before we get the opening credits.

Winners: The Bruise Brothers

I feel bad for whoever the non-Stormin’ Mike Norman Bruise Brother victim was since he has more or less been forgotten to time. Joey never mentions his name (to be fair he doesn’t mention Stormin’ Mike Norman either but Mike had the wherewithal to wear tights with his name on the ass) and all the records of this match on the internet either incorrectly claim that the Bruise Brothers fought someone like Mikey Whipwreck or Hack Meyers or just have the second dude listed as ????. So ???? if you’re out there, let me know who you are so we can get you the respect you deserve for taking a hellacious beating from a pair of oversized Nazi fucks.

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ECW (March 29, 1994)

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ULTIMATE JEOPARDY! Highlights of the event are shown during the cold open. It looks like it was basically War Games with competitors entering one at a time. Looks like the order of the entrants was Taz and Rocco Rock to start followed by Johnny Grunge, Kevin Sullivan, Mr. Hughes, Terry Funk, Shane Douglas, and Hawk.

The highlight reel was pretty good and I liked how they’d edit in one of the earlier Tod Gordon or Matty Indahouse hype videos to announce what each dude’s stipulation for losing was as that competitor came out.

We get the ending of the match that saw Mr. Hughes and Shane Douglas alone in the cage with Terry Funk. Douglas ties a plastic bag over Funk’s head and hitting him with a pile driver to pick up the win. Due to the pre-match stipulation this means that Shane Douglas is now the ECW Heavyweight Champion!

 

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ECW (March 22, 1994)

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We kick things off with the closing moments of last week’s main event in which saw Taz besting Sabu in a fairly contested bout of grappling to become ECW TV Champion…wait that’s not how it went down? The ending was an overbooked mess in which Kevin Sullivan appeared to stop Paul Heyman from waffling Woman with a Zack Morris cellphone thus distracting Sabu an allowing Taz to pick up the win? Umm…ECW? ECW? ECW?

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ECW (March 8, 1994)

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“9-1-1! 9-1-1!” the crowd screams. Paul Heyman gives the fans what they want.

Match 1: 911 (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Mikey Whipwreck & Paul Lauria

Double choke slam and pin in mere seconds. More choke slams come post-match. “Security” or ring crew guys hit the ring to try to get Whipwreck and Lauria out, but 911 choke slams the fuck out of them too. The crowd is absolutely losing their shit over this and the opening video rolls…

Winner: 911

I still don’t get 911. Like I understand what he is and stuff, but do not get why he is so over here. He’s probably the most over guy on the entire roster which is just insane to me.

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ECW (March 1, 1994)

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I got so fucking confused by the beginning of this episode. “Didn’t I just watch this? Did I accidentally play the same episode I just watched? No…do I need to send the WWE Network a strongly worded letter?”

The episode begins with the exact same intro as last week with Joey Styles talking about the tag team fracas that happened last week (two weeks ago) and then showing us the Public Enemy sneaking into Tod Gordon’s office last week (two weeks ago). Joey hypes up the return of Sabu to face Pat Tanaka for the TV Championship (happened last week), and talks about getting our first look at newcomer, “Awesome” Mike Awesome (also happened already). The reused the intro. Fortunately after that weird editing decision, the remainder of the episode is new to me, so let’s take it away!

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