Jesse The Body Ventura

WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event (November 2, 1985)

Posted on Updated on

WWF_Saturday_Night's_Main_Event

It’s time for another installment of Saturday Night’s Main Event. This one took place a couple days after Halloween so the opening montage of promos features a bunch of dudes in costumes while the music from the Halloween movie franchise plays in the background.

We’ve got Mean Gene dressed up as a pumpkin with Bobby Heenan dressed up as Davy Crockett getting ready for some sort of Halloween festivities. Gene asks if Heenan’s hat is a weasel, he insists that it’s a raccoon. Heenan is practicing for the pumpkin dunk later this evening.

What’s a pumpkin dunk you ask? It’s like bobbing for apples, but instead of apples there are pumpkins, and instead of water the tub is filled with chocolate for some reason. Maybe because they’re in Hersey, PA for this installment.

We head next to Hulk Hogan screaming about his upcoming match with Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy. You can tell he’s serious because he’s got his droopy ass headband on again. The last time he had that on he prevented a nuclear holocaust.

Andre shows up and chops him in the chest and is like, “Yo chillax Hogan, let’s go get ready for our match.”

Roddy Piper is dressed as Superman and is chilling with Jesse Ventura who is wearing a costume that’s probably more conservative than his normal attire. Ventura talks about how happy he is that Piper fucked up the Hillbilly wedding during the last Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Mean Gene is standing by with newcomers Terry Funk and “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart. Funk says that he’ll house train the JYD in their match tonight. Mean Gene criticizes Funk for having a mouth full of chaw, so Terry Funk spits it into the camera and we go to the Saturday Night’s Main Event intro.

Read the rest of this entry »

WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event (October 5, 1985)

Posted on Updated on

WWF_Saturday_Night's_Main_Event

“WE ARE ON THE BRINK OF AN INTERNATIONAL CRISIS!” screams Mean Gene Okerlund.

What’s he talking about? Why the upcoming flag match between Nikolai Volkoff and Hulk Hogan of course!

Nikolai will not have a guilty conscious if the USSR launches nukes at the US because of the outcome of his flag match with Hulk Hogan. Hell, he says he’ll push the button himself. Or at least that’s what I think he said…it was a pretty marble-mouthed promo.

Hogan is standing by wearing the droopiest headband of all time. He vows to make sure that the only flag ever to fly in the US and A is the red, white and blue because he won’t have the little Hulkamaniacs being indoctrinated by a goddamn Bolshevik.

And now to domestic affairs! Mean Gene’s standing by with Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer because there’s a hillbilly wedding taking place tonight provided we survive the nuclear strike that the Hogan vs. Volkoff match is sure to cause. Roddy Piper shows up to mock Uncle Elmer because Piper is the best and we go to the opening credits.

Read the rest of this entry »

Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Mark Henry vs. MVP vs. R-Truth vs. Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase Jr. (WWE Raw November 23, 2009)

Posted on Updated on

The year is 2009 and we’re deep in the Guest Host Era of Raw. The week of Thanksgiving 2009, that host was former pro-grappler/announcer/governor, Jesse “The Body” Ventura. While a lot of the guest hosts were stupid as fuck, this one was actually alright, since Jesse Ventura had worked for the company for years and actually knew about wrestling.

The main event of the night was an Eight Man “Breakout” Battle Royal with the winner getting a shot at the World Heavyweight or WWE Championship. Jesse Ventura would call the action but before he got down to business, he brought out his old broadcast partner…the corpse of Gorilla Monsoon! Wait, no, he brought out Vince McMahon cosplaying as Bob Backlund.