ECW (June 13, 2006)

Ecw_logo.pngTwo days after ECW’s One Night Stand their new, weekly TV program debuted on Sci-Fi. This is that show. While One Night Stand was, in my opinion, a pretty damn good show, the ECW shows that appeared on Sci-Fi have a reputation of being pretty terrible. So let’s get EXTREMELY SCIENCE FICTIONY!

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ECW One Night Stand 2006 (June 11, 2006)

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I guess this really should be called ECW Friends With Benefits or something since this is the second One Night Stand PPV. The show begins in true ECW fashion with a cold open. We see the rabid ECW fans packed to the rafters in the Hammerstein Ballroom chanting “ECW!” until the ECW theme song hits and Paul Heyman makes his way out to the ring to a huge pop.

Heyman thanks all the fans for being and says that with its rebirth ECW would appeal to a new, global audience. He hypes up the upcoming ECW show on Sci-Fi and tells the fans that it was because of them demanding it that ECW is coming back.

He thanks them again and tells them that ECW is going to be better than Raw or Smackdown. Oh Paul Heyman, how wrong you’d end up being, but that’s another story for another time…

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WWF Monday Night Raw (February 24, 1997)

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Welcome everyone to Monday Night Raw! We’re coming to you tonight live from the Manhattan Center in New York City! Vince is ecstatic to back in the building where it all started back on January 11, 1993.¬†Jerry Lawler is with him to remind us that he called out ECW last week and apparently they’ve accepted his challenge and are here in the building, but who cares about that when we’ve got hillbillies taking on cowboys!

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The Great Khali vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Daddy V vs. Kane (ECW October 30, 2007)

Fuck yeah it’s time for the first ever Monster Mash Battle Royal! What’s a Monster Mash Battle Royal you ask? Well, it’s a four man battle royal between four gigantic men held the day before Halloween on an episode of ECW.

Of the four men competing only Big Daddy V was actually an ECW contracted athlete. The other three men all hailed from SmackDown. Of course Big Daddy V was the first man eliminated, because this was WWECW…

ECW December to Dismember (December 3, 2006)

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After your slick looking, albeit standard issue, “Tonight some shit is gonna go down…IT’S DECEMBER TO DISMEMBER!” video package we head to some random arena or civic center in the ECW stronghold of…Augusta, GA? That can’t be right can it?

Pyro explodes and in spite it being almost 2007 when this is happening, “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor,” blares. We are joined by our announce team for the evening: Joey Styles and Taz. Joey promptly spoils the main event when he declares, “Tonight, a new ECW world’s champion will be crowned.”

Now, for those of you not well versed in random WWECW storylines from 11 years ago, this was not a situation where the title was vacant going into this event. Big Show was the reigning champ, and according to Joey Styles in two hours and change he was set to drop the belt.

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ECW When Worlds Collide (May 14, 1994)

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Time for an ECW Supercard! One that’s not available on the WWE Network as of writing this. This one is coming to us from the ECW Arena on May 14, 1994. We start things off with more or less the same opening montage that begins every 1994 episode of ECW TV before heading down to the ring for action. ECW! ECW! ECW!

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ECW (October 5, 1993)

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It’s time for some Eastern Championship Wrestling baby! I had notes from this episode typed up but never published and have no idea why. I’m guessing that at some point it was one of the earliest ECW offerings on the WWE Network. I don’t think that’s the case anymore but whatever, here’s an episode of ECW from 1993!

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ECW (April 5, 1994)

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Oh fuck it’s the Bruise Brothers! They’re attacking their opponents before they even have a chance to get in the ring! That is not particularly sporting of them!

Match 1: The Bruise Brothers vs. Stormin’ Mike Norman & ????

This is barely a match. The Bruise Brothers attack before the bell, brawl their way into the ring, hit some power moves, hit a double big boot and make the cover to pick up the win. After the match they continue to pummel their opponents before we get the opening credits.

Winners: The Bruise Brothers

I feel bad for whoever the non-Stormin’ Mike Norman Bruise Brother victim was since he has more or less been forgotten to time. Joey never mentions his name (to be fair he doesn’t mention Stormin’ Mike Norman either but Mike had the wherewithal to wear tights with his name on the ass) and all the records of this match on the internet¬†either incorrectly claim that the Bruise Brothers fought someone like Mikey Whipwreck or Hack Meyers or just have the second dude listed as ????. So ???? if you’re out there, let me know who you are so we can get you the respect you deserve for taking a hellacious beating from a pair of oversized Nazi fucks.

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