Crap Gimmick

Brian Lee vs. The Storm Trooper (SMW July 25, 1992)

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Jesus Titty Fucking Christ Smoky Mountain Wrestling! Who thought this was a good idea? The Storm Trooper, if the preview image for the video doesn’t make it completely fucking obvious, is a literal Nazi. I mean he’s got fucking swastikas on his mask and on his tank top for fucks sake.

Brian Lee squashes the shit out of him, making this the first Brian Lee match in the history of everything that I was glad to see.

Steel (WCW 1990)

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One of Kevin Nash’s countless bad gimmicks! I give you one half of the Master Blasters: Steel!

The Yeti vs. Barry Houston (WCW Prime January 29, 1996)

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“What is this man? Where is he from? What’s he all about?”

Xanta Klaus (WWF 1995)

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Before becoming one half of the The Hardcore Chair Swingin’ Freaks, Balls Mahoney had a stint in the WWF where he played a villainous version of Santa Claus named Xanta Klaus who lived at the South Pole and once a year roamed the Earth stealing presents from people.

He appeared a handful of times, allying himself with Ted DiBiase and messing with Savio Vega before disappearing from television and never being mentioned again when people realized that an evil Santa Claus was a stupid idea that at best only worked for a month out of the year.

The Gobbledy Gooker (WWF Survivor Series November 22, 1990)

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I feel bad for Hector Guerrero. The dude was Lazer-Tron, he was “one of Eddie’s brothers,” but Thanksgiving Day 1990, the embarrassment of Hector Guerrero reached levels never again matched in professional wrestling when he debuted at Survivor Series as a giant turkey.

That being said the Gobbledy Gooker is something that we still talk about today. Granted it’s usually in a mocking fashion, but that’s more than can be said for Just Joe or Swoll.

Happy Thanksgiving Hector Guerrero!

George Ringo (The National Insider 1964)

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In 1964, Beatlemania was sweeping the country so it made sense that a wrestler somewhere who “borrow” something from the Beatles. Enter Bob Sabre, a journeyman grappler from the Chicago area, who got a moptop and guitar and became George Ringo, The Wrestling Beatle.

Randy Johnson vs. Ta-Gar (USWA June 15, 1991)

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Ta-Gar the Lord of Volcanoes apparently comes from space and arrived in Memphis in the summer of ‘91 looking for gladiators to challenge. A youngster by the name of Randy Johnson answers Ta-Gar’s call and promptly gets beat down via a flaming claw hold. “Superstar” Bill Dundee shows up with a chair to chase Ta-Gar off before bellowing some shit about need a belt around your waist if you want to get real paid and then challenging the decidedly beltless Ta-Gar to a match.

Memphis baby!

Biomonster DNA vs. Kodo Fuyuki (FMW August 11, 2001)

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Some English speaking dude on commentary summarizes this match best when he says, “What the hell is this? This isn’t wrestling. This is bullshit.”