ECW (April 5, 1994)

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Oh fuck it’s the Bruise Brothers! They’re attacking their opponents before they even have a chance to get in the ring! That is not particularly sporting of them!

Match 1: The Bruise Brothers vs. Stormin’ Mike Norman & ????

This is barely a match. The Bruise Brothers attack before the bell, brawl their way into the ring, hit some power moves, hit a double big boot and make the cover to pick up the win. After the match they continue to pummel their opponents before we get the opening credits.

Winners: The Bruise Brothers

I feel bad for whoever the non-Stormin’ Mike Norman Bruise Brother victim was since he has more or less been forgotten to time. Joey never mentions his name (to be fair he doesn’t mention Stormin’ Mike Norman either but Mike had the wherewithal to wear tights with his name on the ass) and all the records of this match on the internet either incorrectly claim that the Bruise Brothers fought someone like Mikey Whipwreck or Hack Meyers or just have the second dude listed as ????. So ???? if you’re out there, let me know who you are so we can get you the respect you deserve for taking a hellacious beating from a pair of oversized Nazi fucks.

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ECW (March 8, 1994)

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“9-1-1! 9-1-1!” the crowd screams. Paul Heyman gives the fans what they want.

Match 1: 911 (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Mikey Whipwreck & Paul Lauria

Double choke slam and pin in mere seconds. More choke slams come post-match. “Security” or ring crew guys hit the ring to try to get Whipwreck and Lauria out, but 911 choke slams the fuck out of them too. The crowd is absolutely losing their shit over this and the opening video rolls…

Winner: 911

I still don’t get 911. Like I understand what he is and stuff, but do not get why he is so over here. He’s probably the most over guy on the entire roster which is just insane to me.

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ECW (February 1, 1994)

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ECW’s got some new theme music I think. It’s kind of hard to tell since the audio on this episode is fucked. I had the volume on my TV almost maxed out and I could still barely hear anything. Anyway Joey Styles is in the ECW Command Center and I think gives us a brief rundown of whats to come before tossing it down to the ring for tag team action!

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ECW (January 18, 1994)

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Cold Open…

“The Franchise” Shane Douglas is backstage getting his wrists taped up by Sherri Martel. He says that tonight he becomes ECW Champion once again…

“Pssst…hey, you! Yeah you…this is ECW. Pro-wrestling’s best kept secret.” Matty Indahouse then appears and screams, “Not anymore!” like a goddamn asshole.

Meanwhile in the ECW Command Center…

Joey Styles is here to give us a quick rundown of what’s coming up in this special 90 minute episode of ECW.

We got the tag team champs in action in a six man tag match and Terry Funk will be defending his ECW Heavyweight Championship against the Franchise, Shane Douglas. Let’s get down to the ring for that big six man tag match!

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