Welcome to Walton, Kentucky where Kevin Kelly is standing outside the house of Brian Pillman for an interview that will be conducted later in the night to give an update on the condition of his ankle after receiving surgery on it last week after Steve Austin had destroyed it.
Stone Cold Steve Austin had threatened to come to Pillman’s house and finish the job, but up to this point Austin had not showed…
Continue reading “WWF Monday Night Raw (November 4, 1996)”
“What is this man? Where is he from? What’s he all about?”
Wrestling is replete with Executioners. They have long been masked fodder for true wrestling heroes to run through in squash matches. On October 20, 1996 at In Your House: Buried Alive, yet another Executioner made his debut during the first-ever “non-sanctioned” match in the history of the WWF.
The “non-sanctioned” buried alive match ended when The Undertaker dropped Mankind into a grave and covered his back with a light dusting of dirt. This apparently constituted being buried alive because the referee awarded the match to the Undertaker.
Suddenly a masked man emerged and whacked the Undertaker with a shovel. That man was known as Executioner, but beneath that shitty Halloween costume was one time denizen of Baddstreet, USA, Terry Bam Bam Gordy. He had been brought in by Paul Bearer to help Mankind deal with the Undertaker and spent the next few months doing just that.
Gordy, as Executioner, faced the Taker two months later at In Your House: It’s Time in an “Armageddon Match,” that the Undertaker won. A short time later Paul Bear fired him on a random episode of Superstars and Executioner was never seen again.
“You been sitting out here for six months, running your mouth. This is where the big boys play, huh? Look at the adjective: play. We ain’t here to play. Now he said last week that he was going to bring somebody out here. I’m here. You still don’t have your three people. You know why? Because nobody wants to face us. This show is about as interesting as Marge Schott reading excerpts from Mein Kampf. Yeah, (you don’t want) no trouble because you know I’ll kick your teeth down your throat. Where’s your three guys? What you couldn’t get a paleontologist to get a couple of these fossils cleared? You ain’t got enough guys off a dialysis machine to get a team? Yeah, where’s Hogan? Where’s Hogan, out doing another episode of Blunder in Paradise? Where’s Macho Man, out doing another Slim Jim commercial? You want to say something? … Bring what you got. The measuring stick just changed around here, buddy – you’re looking at it.” – Kevin Nash
Bones and Hogan take on Dunn and Flanagan in a Time Limit Match which seems to me to be what the WWE refers to as an Ironman Match. Whoever scores the most pinfalls and submissions in the allotted time is the winner.
Bones and Hogan once more play second fiddle to Sean Venom and Mike Samples hyping a Snake Box Match (apparently Snake Box Match II). I should really seek that out next.
Watching all these matches I find myself becoming a fan of Crusher Bones. He has the most ridiculous move he does that I can only really described as a skeleton jig. I think it’s supposed to be scary or tough looking taunt but it just makes me laugh.
You’d think that a six man tag match involving a grappler as decorated and skilled as Macho Warrior Ric Hogan would focus on him, but no, the real stars of this bout are Sean Venom, his “snake box,” and Mike Samples.
Apparently Venom and Samples have a “Snake Box” Match coming up, so Venom brings out the aforementioned device to taunt Samples during the bout. The entire thing devolves into utter chaos with Venom attempting to put Samples in the “snake box,” Randy Hales hitting Venom with a briefcase, and Macho Warrior Ric Hogan and Crusher Bones having a very workmanlike match in the ring.
Delightful Memphis wrestling wackiness as Macho Warrior Ric Hogan and Crusher Bones take on TD Steele and Flash Flanagan in tag team action. Hogan and Bones’ manager, Randy Hales (who according to the heap of announcers and commentators is not “an official manager” and thus has no business at ringside) claims that these two fine athletes will soon win the USWA tag team championships.
Oh the gay panic involved in this match! In the weeks leading up to the King of the Ring, Goldust gave an injured Ahmed Johnson mouth to mouth resuscitation. The fact that another man had put his lips on his own was too much for the uber-heterosexual Ahmed Johnson to bear and so he put on his forty-seven kneepads and his booty shorts and challenged Goldust to a match…a match for the WWF Intercontinental Championship!
The match starts out with Ahmed Johnson busting out of the entrance area, knocking over dudes dressed as squires and rushing to the ring to hoss the fuck out on Goldust for a couple minutes. Clotheslines and power slams abound before Goldust mounts some offense of his own.
Goldust ends up “knocking out” Ahmed Johnson and once again gives him mouth to mouth enraging Ahmed who in a flurry of offense overpowers Goldust and picks up the win and championship gold.
When all is said and done it’s a pretty mediocre match. Vince McMahon’s commentary about Goldust is pretty grating and reminds me a lot of the commentary from WWE 2KWhatever games in that he repeats the same phrases again and again. Owen Hart on commentary is probably the high point of the entire thing with honorable mention going to Marlena for reminding me about mid-90s Marlena.