It’s weird that in the mid-90s there was a brief period where the WWE gave a shit about women’s wrestling and regularly put decent women’s wrestling matches on television and PPV. It was a relatively short lived experiment and outside of a couple outliers it would be decades before women’s wrestling was again treated seriously by Vince McMahon and company.
Time for an ECW Supercard! One that’s not available on the WWE Network as of writing this. This one is coming to us from the ECW Arena on May 14, 1994. We start things off with more or less the same opening montage that begins every 1994 episode of ECW TV before heading down to the ring for action. ECW! ECW! ECW!
Do you like bleeding old men? Forks? Pants being on fire? Chairs being chucked at random? Strangulation? If you answered yes to any or all of those questions than have I got a wrestling match for you!
If none of those things tickle your fancy this match also has Sabu in pants that look like tin foil, a guy with dodgy monster gloves and face paint carrying a torch, and Terry Funk climbing up a wall in a baseball stadium!
But wait! There’s more! Order now and get a guy yelling in Japanese over a PA telling people to get out of the way as a pair of bleeding old men chase each other slowly through a crowd as our special gift to you!
Oh fuck it’s the Bruise Brothers! They’re attacking their opponents before they even have a chance to get in the ring! That is not particularly sporting of them!
Match 1: The Bruise Brothers vs. Stormin’ Mike Norman & ????
This is barely a match. The Bruise Brothers attack before the bell, brawl their way into the ring, hit some power moves, hit a double big boot and make the cover to pick up the win. After the match they continue to pummel their opponents before we get the opening credits.
Winners: The Bruise Brothers
I feel bad for whoever the non-Stormin’ Mike Norman Bruise Brother victim was since he has more or less been forgotten to time. Joey never mentions his name (to be fair he doesn’t mention Stormin’ Mike Norman either but Mike had the wherewithal to wear tights with his name on the ass) and all the records of this match on the internet either incorrectly claim that the Bruise Brothers fought someone like Mikey Whipwreck or Hack Meyers or just have the second dude listed as ????. So ???? if you’re out there, let me know who you are so we can get you the respect you deserve for taking a hellacious beating from a pair of oversized Nazi fucks.
ULTIMATE JEOPARDY! Highlights of the event are shown during the cold open. It looks like it was basically War Games with competitors entering one at a time. Looks like the order of the entrants was Taz and Rocco Rock to start followed by Johnny Grunge, Kevin Sullivan, Mr. Hughes, Terry Funk, Shane Douglas, and Hawk.
The highlight reel was pretty good and I liked how they’d edit in one of the earlier Tod Gordon or Matty Indahouse hype videos to announce what each dude’s stipulation for losing was as that competitor came out.
We get the ending of the match that saw Mr. Hughes and Shane Douglas alone in the cage with Terry Funk. Douglas ties a plastic bag over Funk’s head and hitting him with a pile driver to pick up the win. Due to the pre-match stipulation this means that Shane Douglas is now the ECW Heavyweight Champion!
We kick things off with the closing moments of last week’s main event in which saw Taz besting Sabu in a fairly contested bout of grappling to become ECW TV Champion…wait that’s not how it went down? The ending was an overbooked mess in which Kevin Sullivan appeared to stop Paul Heyman from waffling Woman with a Zack Morris cellphone thus distracting Sabu an allowing Taz to pick up the win? Umm…ECW? ECW? ECW?
Paul Heyman is here to hype up the main event between the TV Champion, Sabu, and the human suplex machine, The Tazmaniac before we get the opening video.
In the ECW Command Center…
Joey Styles welcomes us to the show and runs down the card. We get a double main event tonight. In addition to the match Heyman announced at the top of the program, we also have a six man tag team match pitting Shane Douglas & The Public Enemy against Terry Funk, Kevin Sullivan and Hugh “Crash” Morris. Joey then tosses it to Douglas and the PE who are standing by in an unfinished basement.
“9-1-1! 9-1-1!” the crowd screams. Paul Heyman gives the fans what they want.
Match 1: 911 (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Mikey Whipwreck & Paul Lauria
Double choke slam and pin in mere seconds. More choke slams come post-match. “Security” or ring crew guys hit the ring to try to get Whipwreck and Lauria out, but 911 choke slams the fuck out of them too. The crowd is absolutely losing their shit over this and the opening video rolls…
I still don’t get 911. Like I understand what he is and stuff, but do not get why he is so over here. He’s probably the most over guy on the entire roster which is just insane to me.
I got so fucking confused by the beginning of this episode. “Didn’t I just watch this? Did I accidentally play the same episode I just watched? No…do I need to send the WWE Network a strongly worded letter?”
The episode begins with the exact same intro as last week with Joey Styles talking about the tag team fracas that happened last week (two weeks ago) and then showing us the Public Enemy sneaking into Tod Gordon’s office last week (two weeks ago). Joey hypes up the return of Sabu to face Pat Tanaka for the TV Championship (happened last week), and talks about getting our first look at newcomer, “Awesome” Mike Awesome (also happened already). The reused the intro. Fortunately after that weird editing decision, the remainder of the episode is new to me, so let’s take it away!
Tonight’s show begins with a video hyping the Terry Funk/Shane Douglas feud and their upcoming match on March 5th before the opening video.
In the ECW Command Center…
Joey Styles is here to welcome us to the show and to be like, “Remember that big tag team brawl that took place last week in the episode you watched five minutes before this one because it’s 2017 and you’re binge watching this stuff on the WWE Network? No? Check it out!”