Big Show vs. Kane (WWE Backlash 2006 April 30, 2006)

Dear God, this match…of all the random full length matches WWE could put up for free on the internet in an effort to get people to sign up for the WWE Network, this is the one they selected.

So Show and Kane have a hoss fight. They slowly clubber one another for awhile. JR calls it an “ugly match” which is code for “I also think this match is complete shit, but I have to act like it isn’t.”

They colossal jostle for awhile until the arena suddenly is bathed in a weird, red light, while voices muttering, “May 19!” are piped in over the PA.

Kane starts beating himself up. Show gets in the ring, seems like he missed a cue or something, heads back out of the ring, grabs a chair, gets back in the ring, brains Kane with the chair causing the voices to stop and the lights to return to normal, and then just heads up the ramp looking absolutely disgusted.

Complete and utter shit.

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Haystack Calhoun vs. Buddy Rogers (NWA Chicago April 14, 1961)

Headlocks and hammerlocks are the order of the day until Haystack invents the Fat Guy Wrestler move set and slams his girth into Rogers and nails him with a big splash. Rogers gets fired up and hits a bunch of dropkicks that send Calhoun tumbling out of the ring. A ring rope breaks and Calhoun and apparently bloodied, and stuck under the ring and thus unable to answer the rapidfire 1960s ten count. Probably one of the better fuck finishes I’ve seen recently.

Also the belt Rogers is wearing here I think is the same NWA United States Championship belt thatwould  become the first version of the WWWF World Heavyweight Championship a couple years after this match.

Yumi Fukawa vs. Nobue Endo (AJW July 27, 1996?)

This is bizarre. After a hype package for Yumi Fukawa talking about how she’s a master of fighting in any environment we head to a water slide park.

Nobue Endo comes down a water slide and the proceeds to beat up Yumi Fukawa poolside. Fukawa chucks Endo off some bridge thing into a pool to turn the tables. There’s an underwater figure four leg lock applied and a ref shows up and the match gets underway in earnest.

They wrestle on a couple gym mats that have been set up at poolside while visitors to the water slide park look on. There are dropkicks and armbars and stuff before Fukawa picks up the win with a backslide.

After the match Miss Hong Kong, who was apparently at the water park, expresses her appreciation for the match stating she’d never seen women wrestle before and thought it was sexy.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Kurt Angle (WWF Survivor Series November 14, 1999)

For people who think that fans chanting random bullshit during matches is a modern problem in wrestling, go back and watch Kurt Angle’s debut. In the opening moments we get a “boring” chant as Angle does actual wrestling. From there they decide to go with a “Let’s go Red Wings!” chant. They would return to this chant several times during the match. At one point Angle gets out of the ring and gets on the mic to yell at them for having the audacity to boo an Olympic champion.

Outside of the crowd it’s a pretty fine bout of grappling though there are a couple weird things in it. First it’s so weird to hear Kurt Angle’s theme song without people chanting, “YOU SUCK!” during it and second Angle won with the Angle Slam, but Stasiak just leaped up like 2 seconds after being pinned.

Foxx Vinyer vs. Eli Isom (ROH Future of Honor July 28, 2017)

Some more Future of Honor. This week we got a smiling, white meat babyface in the form of Eli Isom going up against Foxx Vinyer, a dude that appears to be the lovechild of The Ultimate Warrior and Big Japan Pro Wrestling’s Jaki Numazawa.

This is apparently Isom’s first match ever so don’t expect a five star mat classic here, but he’s okay on the mic and isn’t awful in the ring. There are a couple spots where he kind of pauses between moves but he doesn’t botch anything so I think with a few more matches under his belt he’ll probably be alright.