WCW Monday Nitro (August 14, 2000)

WCWNitrologo1999

We’re one day removed from one of the worst goddamn PPVs I’ve ever seen in my life, New Blood Rising. How will WCW follow up with that dumpster fire? Let’s check out this episode of Nitro from 2000 and find out!

We start with Vince Russo in the ring, flanked by Tank Abbott. The crowd is already chanting “Asshole” at him and censors are attempting to bleep them out with rather poor results. Russo talks about making an example out of someone (Hogan) a month ago and how we haven’t seen “that piece of shit since.”

He vows to do the same thing to Goldberg tonight and fire his ass on live TV before declaring that Brad Siegel (a Turner executive I guess) wouldn’t let him because Goldberg is popular with the fans. Way to make yourself look like a complete chump Russo.

Russo badmouths the fans for cheering Goldberg and then says that since he can’t fire Goldberg and Goldberg doesn’t want to follow the script he’s going to have Tank Abbott kick his ass. Tank Abbott, the guy that has been a dancing clown for the past couple months…

Tony Schiavone is acting like he has no idea what is going on as Russo swear some more and calls Goldberg out. When Goldberg doesn’t show up Russo is like, “You don’t know the script? You don’t know the storyline?” and then motions for production to go to a break. This is so fucking stupid.

Back from break we go to the announcers who are still acting befuddled. Vince Russo grabs Scott Hudson’s headset and screams at someone in the truck to play the footage of Tank Abbott beating up Goldberg during the break but instead we see Goldberg kicking Tank Abbott’s ass in the aisleway. Is this live or did this take place during the break? I have no idea.

Goldberg beats the shit out of Tank Abbott while Russo screams “FUCK YOU!” at Goldberg and flips him off, prompting Goldberg to go after him. Russo jumps behind the announce table so Goldberg picks it up and just hurls it at Russo and the announcers and then goes back to wreck house on Tank Abbott some more as Tony and Company hightail it out of Dodge, or Kelowna, BC…whichever the case may be.

He slaps on an armbar and Russo taunts Goldberg again. Goldberg goes after Russo again as Russo screams for another break. This is so fucking stupid. If this were “real,” why didn’t Russo call for security or police or whatever to come deal with Goldberg?

Meanwhile with the Announcers…

Back from the break we join the announcers again. They inform us that due to Goldberg shooting during the Three Way Dance at New Blood Rising, Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner will be facing each other in a #1 Contender’s match again even though Kevin Nash won the match the night before. Whatever WCW.

Also on tap tonight, another New Blood Rising rematch as Jeff Jarrett gets one more shot at the WCW World Heavyweight Champion for some goddamn reason.

Meanwhile in the Ring…

Shane Douglas and Torrie head out. Douglas gets some cheap heat on the fans before running down Billy Kidman. He says that Kidman doesn’t deserve a woman like Torrie and then says that he’s not the only one who wants to kick Kidman’s ass before bringing out Reno.

Apparently Reno, is the boyfriend of one of the Nitro Girls that Kidman fucked while under the influence of Viagra after the infamous Viagra on a Pole match. Reno heads out and then Douglas calls Kidman out.

Kidman makes his way out but stops on the stage before his partner comes out to join him. That partner? None other than Big Vito…

Match 1: Shane Douglas & Reno (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. Kidman & Big Vito

Kidman and Vito charge the ring but the heels catch them as the slide into the ring. Kidman and Vito fight back and nail Douglas and Reno with stereo flying elbows and everyone heads outside. As the announcers talk about the mysterious blood feud between Reno and Big Vito we see Kidman whip Reno into the guardrail while Vito stomps on Shane Douglas.

Back in the ring Douglas gets the upper hand on Vito, hitting a powerslam as Vito comes off the ropes. While this is happening, Kidman chases Torrie on the outside. This allows Douglas and Reno to double team Vito in the corner.

Vito makes a comeback before the heels take over on him again and whip him into the ropes. Vito stops short and boots both Douglas and Reno in the gut and then tags in Kidman who connects with a series of dropkicks.

Kidman and Vito work over Reno and Douglas respectively in opposite corners and then go to whip the heels into each other. Douglas reverses the whip though so Vito and Reno collide, but Vito still manages to get a kick in.

The heels take back over on offense and Reno hits a spinning neckbreaker deal that the announcers inform us is known as the “Roll of the Dice.” He goes for a cover but Big Vito breaks it up with an elbow drop that Reno avoids so Kidman catches an elbow in the face.

This doesn’t lead to anything though; no bickering between Kidman and Vito or anything logical like that. Kidman just gets up and does some more moves, hitting Reno with a Rydeen Bomb and then heading up for a shooting star press or something only for Douglas to trip him up and send him crashing back down.

Again, it doesn’t matter though since Vito heads up top and connects with a frog splash on Reno to pick up the win.

After the match Douglas dumps Vito and gets out a pair of handcuffs and locks one side to the turnbuckle in the corner. Douglas attempts to lock Kidman to the turnbuckle with the handcuffs, but Vito comes back and makes the save. He then locks Douglas up with the handcuffs and he and Kidman beat on The Franchise.

Reno is back and tries to make the save but Vito hits an ATOMIC DROP and Kidman hits the Kid Crusher to take him out. For some reason this then brings out The Perfect Event as well as Jindrak and O’Haire, all of whom are clad in jeans. They beat on Kidman and Vito while Torrie unlocks Douglas from the handcuffs.

The denim clad foursome then help Reno up and leave together.

Winners: Kidman & Big Vito

The actual tag team match was fine for what it was, but there was a lot of nonsensical bullshit: Reno randomly being the boyfriend of one of the people Kidman fucked, Reno and Vito hating each other for some reason that has never been explained (or possibly only explained on Thunder), Perfect Event and Jindrak & O’Haire randomly being all buddy buddy after feuding with each other up through the previous night. Anyway, as would soon prove to be a theme for the night, this was a decent enough match up until the Russoriffic ending. [*½]

Meanwhile in The Cat’s Office…

The Filthy Animals are in The Cat’s office. Disco Inferno asks him to show a clip of his appearance on VH-1’s The List later tonight. The Cat just chucks the VHS cassette that Disco hands him over his shoulder and dismisses Disco.

Konnan talks about continuing their working relationship with The Cat. The Cat asks what’s in it for him and The Animals tell him that they’ve found him a personal assistant, one that Juvi declares to be “juicy.”

A brunette lady introduced as Ms. Jones appears and The Cat asks what she can do for him. She tells him that she can “do anything,” for him and Ernest Miller accepts the Filthy Animals’ offer.

Meanwhile Backstage…

David Flair is walking around still in his mud caked clothes from New Blood Rising. Major Gunns walks up and asks him if Miss Hancock is okay. Flair doesn’t really respond to her and walks off.

Meanwhile in the Arena…

Back from break we see David Flair head out towards the ring. David Penzer tries to stop him in the aisle but Flair just takes Penzer’s mic and gets in the ring. Flair rambles about not knowing what was wrong with Stacy while the announcers shit all over kayfabe and talk about Miss Hancock being really named Stacy Keebler.

We cut backstage where a weeping Major Gunns is shown watching David Flair’s rambling promo on a monitor in the Misfits’ locker room. She wants them to watch it with her, but they’re busy playing cards or something and ignore her so she decides to go out and talk to him by herself.

Back in the arena David Flair continues to mumble incoherently as Major Gunns makes her way out and pops the crowd by having tits and an ass. Gunns does bad acting and cries as she apologizes to David Flair. She says that she kicked Hancock in the stomach during their stupid match at New Blood Rising, but didn’t mean to hurt her.

This causes Flair to snap and, in a very uncomfortable scene, grab Major Gunns and scream at her demanding to know what happened. This brings out Miss Hancock, looking completely unharmed. She tells David to get off Major Gunns and then announces that she’s pregnant.

Flair lets out a “WOO!” and then comes off the ropes with a Flair strut that causes mudpit dust to fly off him. He hugs Miss Hancock and gets dust all over her as we go to commercial.

Meanwhile Backstage…

We return from break and David Flair and Miss Hancock are making out backstage.

Match 2: Lance Storm (c) vs. Mike Awesome

Storm comes out and talks about how it’s good to be home and says that he’s excited to wrestle in front of real wrestling fans. He then invites everyone to rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem.

“O Canada” plays for a bit before we get some knock-off James Brown and The Cat struts down to the ring to a chorus of boos. The Cat gets in the ring with Storm and tries to get the crowd to be quiet to no avail. We get more halfhearted audio censorship as the crowd chants “Asshole!” at Miller.

Miller runs down the fans in Canada, because apparently he’s a heel tonight. He then calls Lance Storm, and I quote, “an ugly-ass Power Ranger,” and says that he got lucky in his match last night and then books Storm in a rematch against Mike Awesome and then says that they need a referee to make sure none of the Canadian Rules nonsense from the night before happen again. The Cat says that he’s got just the man to serve as special guest referee: himself.

Mike Awesome then runs out. He’s not accompanied by any rotund women, so I guess much like Tank Abbott in the opening segment, he’s back to being someone we’re supposed to take seriously. Awesome hits the ring and Storm puts the boots to him but Awesome no-sells it.

Storm hits a sidekick and levels Awesome with a spinning heel kick. He covers but The Cat hesitates to count the pin and Awesome kicks out at one. Awesome comes back with a running clothesline out of the corner and then hits a splash and covers for two.

Awesome dumps Storm out to the floor and heads out after him. He sends Storm into the guardrail and then grabs a chair and waffles Storm in the back with it. No DQ. Awesome rolls Storm back into the ring and heads back in with a slingshot splash for a near fall.

Storm comes back with an eyepoke and then connects with a dropkick. Storm sends Awesome into the corner and then whips him into the opposite corner and connects with a clothesline. He follows with a bridging suplex but only gets one.

Storm goes for a whip, but Awesome reverses it and hits a release German suplex. Awesome destroys Storm with a running Awesomebomb and covers for two before Jacques Rougeau hits the ring and disposes of The Cat, sending him out to the floor.

Rougeau, who is clad in referee attire, whips out the Canadian Rulebook, so I guess he’s the referee now. Awesome takes umbrage with this and hurks him up for an Awesomebomb, but Rougeau’s former tag team partner, Carl Ouellet runs in and nails Awesome from behind.

The former Amazing French Canadians lay out Awesome and then hit a double-team cannonball from the top rope that flattens Awesome. Storm then gets the basically unconscious Awesome in the Canadian Maple Leaf, but Ernest Miller comes back and karate kicks the shit out of everyone.

Since this ending is not Russofied enough yet, Elix Skipper then hits the ring and blasts The Cat. With The Cat laid out, Ouellet then taps Awesome’s hand on the mat which I guess counts as a submission. Rougeau calls for the bell and Lance Storm is your winner.

Winner: Lance Storm

Again, the match was fine up until the Russotastic finish. Storm and Awesome looked good in the ring and had some good back and forth but the ending was just way too much and did nothing for Storm who comes off looking like a complete chump. I’m okay with Storm having a stable of guys with him, but did they all need to be introduced in this one segment? Or if they really needed to introduce them all here couldn’t they have done it as a random post-match beatdown or something after Storm got a decisive win? Or at the very least, couldn’t they have done this a week later when they were back in America where this sort of thing would get Storm and Company booed? What do I know though, I’m just a guy who watches old wrestling things and writes words about them on the internet. [*½]

Meanwhile Backstage…

We return from break and are joined by Pamela Paulshock who interviews Lance Storm and Company. Storm dubs them Team Canada and then bestows the Hardcore Championship to the most hardcore man he knows, Carl Ouellet. Having seen Ouellet’s recent work this is not hyperbole on the part of Lance Storm. The Cruiserweight Championship Storm gives to Elix Skipper.

This brings out The Cat. He has a baseball bat that he swings at the Team Canada lads before declaring that Ouellet and Skipper will have to defend those titles later tonight.

Match 3: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker T (c)

The announcers declare this to be Jeff Jarrett’s last shot at the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. If that proves to be true all I can say is thank god for small miracles. Booker T then comes out and the announcers play up that he’s in no way at 100% after his match last night.

The match begins with a lock up. Booker T and Jarrett trade go behinds. Booker gets Jarrett in a side headlock but Jarrett sends him off the ropes to escape the hold. Booker comes off the ropes and mows Jarrett over with a shoulder block.

Jarrett runs at Booker who leapfrogs him and then connects with a dropkick. Jarrett gets back to his feet but Booker levels him again with a short-arm clothesline. Booker then slaps on a sleeper hold but Jarrett counters with a dick kick to escape.

Jarrett whips Booker into the ropes but the Champ manages to roll him up for two. Booker then whips Jarrett into the corner but ends up eating a boot on a charge. Jarrett heads up top and hits a crossbody, but Booker rolls through for another near fall.

Jarrett dropkicks Booker out to the floor and then heads outside after him for the requisite ringside brawling. Booker nails Jarrett in the breadbasket and goes to whip him into the guardrail but Jarrett reverses it. Jarrett sends Booker back in and covers for two.

Jarrett then slows things down with a chinlock. Booker powers out of it but Jarrett manages to take him down again. Jarrett pulls back on Booker’s arms, but Booker elbows free and comes off the ropes with a flying forearm.

Booker T whips Jarrett into the corner and then goes for a charge, but Jarrett gets his elbow up. Jarrett then grabs his guitar and swings at Booker who dodges and tries to counter with the Book End. Jarrett blocks the attempt but drops his guitar in the process.

Booker gets the guitar and swings at Jarrett who ducks out of the way causing Referee Mickey Jay to get laid out. Booker nails Jarrett with a spinebuster and covers. Referee Charles Robinson slides in from out of nowhere to count the pin, but Jarrett kicks out at two.

Jarrett goes to whip Booker into the ropes but Booker reverses it and hits a kneelift. He follows this with an axe kick and a Spinerooni. Booker goes for the Harlem Sidekick, but misses and hyperextends his already injured knee.

Jarrett capitalizes on this and hits the Stroke. He cover covers and Referee Charles Robinson begins to count, but Jarrett gets pulled out of the ring by Goldberg. Goldberg hurls Jarrett into the crowd, sending him about three rows deep to end the match I guess. Goldberg then screams, “Hey, Russo! Guess what? One down, two to go!” into the camera to end the segment.

Winner: No Contest

This was actually a good little wrestling match until the inevitable Russo Finnish. I’d actually say that overall this was better than the match these two had at New Blood Rising, but seeing as how that match was pretty terrible that’s not really high praise or anything. [**½]

Highlights for Children!

Back from break we get highlights of the match we just saw and it’s lack of a clean finish.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Pamela Paulshock is with Big Poppa Pump. She attempts to ask him a question, but Steiner silences her by sticking his finger in her mouth. Gross. With that out of the way Steiner runs down Goldberg for being a coward and running away from him at the PPV and then threatens to shove his fist up Kevin Nash’s ass tonight.

Match 4: Carl “The Rave” Ouellet (c) vs. Norman Smiley
Hardcore Match

Ouellet comes out to a production fuck up that puts a massive black box on the screen that completely covers him. His opponent tonight will be none other than Norman Smiley.

The start things off in the ring with Ouellet working over Smiley in the corner with kicks. Smiley comes back and whips Ouellet into the corner but Ouellet comes back and takes his head off with a clothesline.

They head out to the floor and do some stuff there. Smiley reverses a whip into the guardrail, but Ouellet quickly comes back and levels him again. Ouellet then goes under the ring for some plunder while over on commentary Scott Hudson talks about how Hardcore matches are supposed to start backstage. Tony Schiavone, meanwhile, ponders why this isn’t being contested under Lance Storm’s Canadian Hardcore rules which I guess were a thing from Thunder, so I have no idea what they entail.

Ouellet slides a table into the ring and tosses some other random plunder in as well. Smiley grabs a trashcan, but before he can do anything with it, Ouellet dropkicks it into him. Ouellet then heads back into the ring only to nail Smiley with a sick tope out on the floor.

They head back in the ring where Smiley briefly takes over on offense after hitting Ouellet in the dick with a mop. He then attempts to whip Ouellet into the ropes, but Ouellet who had a trashcan lid in his hands when Smiley sent him off the ropes, levels Smiley with the object to take over again on offense.

Ouellet sets the table up in the corner and then chokes Smiley in the ropes before nailing him with a huge running kneedrop. Ouellet works Smiley over in the corner for awhile and then tries to whip him into the opposite corner only for Smiley to counter with a clothesline.

Smiley comes back with a spinning bodyslam and then does the Big Wiggle because he is apparently more concerned with dancing than winning the prestigious WCW Hardcore Championship.

They work to the ropes and Smiley tries a roll through but Ouellet counters and headbutts Smiley in the cock. He then sets up the table and wrecks Smiley with a sit-out powerbomb. Ouellet then puts Smiley on the table and heads up top for a Cannonball. Referee Charles Robinson, for some reason attempts to pull Norman off the table and partially succeeds at the moment Ouelett goes through the table. Smiley then falls on top of Ouellet to pin him and become new Hardcore Champion.

After the match Robinson tries to give Smiley the title, but Norman wants nothing to do with it, throwing it back to Robinson. Eventually though, Smiley takes the belt and leaves with it.

Winner: Norman Smiley

As far as WCW hardcore matches go this one was pretty decent. The crowd was super into it and Ouellet did a lot more stuff than the guys that usually compete in this division do. Unfortunately for me Ouellet would wrestle on the following episode of Thunder and then be gone from WCW. [**]

Meanwhile Backstage…

The Cat is complaining to Ms. Jones about having to find an opponent to face Elix Skipper for the Cruiserweight Championship. Kwee Wee is shown with his wife, Papaya, listening in from the room The Cat was standing outside as he complained about having to do his job.

Meanwhile Backstage…

We return from break and are joined by Pamela Paulshock who interviews Kevin Nash. Nash, speaking loud words of truth, wonders why Russo isn’t being tested for drugs and complains about Russo giving Steiner a second chance tonight. He then wonders why the powers that be, who seem to be keen on giving people second chances, won’t give his give his buddy, Scott Hall a second chance.

Nash said that since he won at New Blood Rising he was already the #1 contender so the only person he’d be willing to wrestle tonight is the champion, Booker T. If he doesn’t get that match tonight he’s taking the night off.

Match 5: Rey Mysterio Jr. & Juventud Guerrera (w/ Konnan, Disco Inferno, and Tygress) vs. Vampiro & The Great Muta (c) (w/ The Demon)

The Filthy Animals are out en masse. As they make their way to the ring Tony talks about showing some tape but instead the tape of Disco Inferno and other WCW guys appearing on that VH-1 show Disco was talking about earlier plays. Professionalism!

The Animals get in the ring and Konnan gets on the mic. He cuts a promo on Kronik with Disco Inferno acting as his hypeman. Eventually Kronik’s music hits and they head out and join the commentary team to call the action.

The tag team champs, Vampiro and The Great Muta then head out with The Demon as Kronik talk about how the Harris Boys are chumps or some such nonsense. The match begins and immediately the Harris Brothers jump the guardrail to attack Kronik. Mark Madden screams “Oh shit!” or something as 75% of the D.O.A. and Atom Bomb wail on each other. They end up fighting each other into the crowd. The production truck then remembers that there’s a match for the tag team titles happening in the ring and turns the cameras back to the in ring action.

Rey is getting beaten down in the ring while the commentary team returns to do their job. They are joined by Konnan so he can ramble about various people that do or don’t “got it like that,” and talk about Mexican strategy.

Vampiro hits Rey with a side slam and tags to Muta. Muta hits Rey with a snapmare and an elbow drop. Muta then gets Mysterio in an anklelock, working over his leg before tagging Vampiro back in. Vampiro stays after Mysterio’s leg, laying in some kicks.

He sends Mysterio into the corner where Rey tries for a floatover only to get caught by Vampiro who attempts to run Mysterio into the opposite corner only for Mysterio to slip out. Muta gets tagged back in and suplexes Mysterio.

Vampiro then hits Mysterio with a running powerbomb before sliding him across the ring and out under the bottom rope to the floor. Vampiro distracts the referee while Muta goes out to the floor and blasts Rey with a chair.

Vampiro then whips Rey into the guardrail and sends him back into the ring. Muta and Vampiro double whip Rey into the ropes. Rey then slides under Vampiro’s legs only for Muta to grab him. He holds Mysterio and Vampiro sets up for the sidekick, but Mysterio ducks and Vampiro blasts Muta by mistake.

Vampiro hits Mysterio with a powerbomb but Rey gets to his corner and makes the HOT TAG to Juvi who comes in and runs wild with dropkicks. Juvi does that bodyscissors bulldog deal on Vampiro and earns himself a near fall. He then whips Vampiro into the ropes, but gets caught with a kick.

Juvi sends Rey onto Vampiro but he ends up getting misted by Muta. Vampiro hits Mysterio with the Nail in the Coffin and Muta tosses Juventud Guerrera with the dreaded Dragonscrew Legwhip to put him down.

Vampiro and Muta have this won when the lights begin to flicker and the familiar sound of Metallica’s “Seek and Destroy,” plays over the arena’s PA. Sting, baseball bat in hand, hits the ring and proceeds to beat on Vampiro and Muta.

Tony asks Konnan, “Was this part of your strategy?” to which Konnan, in one of the highlights of this entire shitty episode declares, “Let’s see if it works and then I’ll tell you.”

When the lights stop flickering Sting is gone and everyone is down in the ring. The referee somehow does not know what happened even though we at home could clearly see Sting wailing on dudes with a bat. As the referee begins counting both teams out, Disco rolls Rey onto the The Great Muta.

The referee sees that Rey Mysterio is covering and counts. ONE! TWO! THREE! New champions!

Winners: Rey Mysterio Jr. & Juventud Guerrera

Sometimes I watch these old episodes and see stuff that people might have considered to be a “dream match” had it not been a random Vince Russo clusterfuck with a non-finish and wonder to myself, “Did these two guys ever wrestle each other under better circumstances than this?” and often the answer is unfortunately, no. To date this is the only match that Rey Mysterio had with The Great Muta and it was six minutes of nothing that started and ended with outside bullshit. [*½]

Meanwhile in The Cat’s Office…

The Dark Carnival is in The Cat’s office. The Demon demands a “Four Corners Match with Sting.” The Cat laughs at them and tells them that if they want to get their asses kicked again he’ll sign the match for them and then asks, “Aren’t you supposed to say trick or treat?” as they leave his office.

Match 6: Elix Skipper vs. Kwee Wee (w/ Papaya)

Elix Skipper is super over with the partisan Canadian crowd. The match begins with Skipper grabbing an armbar and connecting with a kick. He then hits Kwee Wee with a release suplex for two. A roll up earns him another two near fall as does an overhead suplex.

Skipper then whips Kwee Wee into the corner but Kwee Wee comes back with a backdrop suplex. He follows with a suplex into the turnbuckles that leave Skipper up in the Tree of Woe. Kwee Wee snaps and wails on Skipper for a bit before covering for two.

Kwee Wee sends Skipper over the top. Skipper tries to flip back into the ring but Kwee Wee cuts him off and sends him out to the floor. He then tries for a dive but Skipper gets out of the way leaving the sadistic tailor to crash and burn.

Elix Skipper that nails Kwee Wee with a nice twisting dive of his own and sends him back into the ring where he covers for two. Kwee Wee charges for a cross body, but Elix Skipper does some Matrix shit to avoid it to a pretty huge pop. Skipper then ducks a punch from Kwee Wee and gets another two count off a full-nelson German suplex.

Kwee Wee manages to reverse a corner whip but ends up eating an elbow when he charges in. Skipper then hits a flying body press for another near fall. Skipper follows with a missile dropkick and then whips Kwee Wee into the corner a couple times. Skipper goes for a diving elbow but ends up missing.

Kwee Wee hurks him up for a suplex, but Skipper manages to reverse it and counter with a DDT. Skipper gets his CFL Championship Ring out of his pants pocket and blasts Kwee Wee with it. This does not, however, lead to the finish as Kwee Wee comes back and does some stuff before hitting a Blue Thunder Bomb for two.

Papaya gets on the apron to comfort Kwee Wee which distracts the referee. Kwee Wee nails Elix Skipper with a clothesline for a two count, but Skipper blasts him again with his ring and covers to pick up the win and retain the Cruisierweight Championship.

After the match Kwee Wee decks the referee and tosses him out of the ring for being bad at his job.

Winner: Elix Skipper

This was a good ass wrestling match. Kwee Wee, stupid gimmick not withstanding, is a solid hand in the ring and Elix Skipper is goddamn amazing. If I had one gripe with this match it was that Skipper cheating to win made no sense since he was already winning the match when it happened. I know that Team Canada is supposed to be heels, but Canada is not going to boo them. It would have been better if he wrestled a straight match or something and pinned Kwee Wee when Kwee Wee had his foot on the rope or something to lead to a rematch back in America where Skipper cheats to win and cements himself as a dastardly Canadian heel. [***½]

Meanwhile Backstage…

Sting is walking. Goldberg is also walking.

Match 7: Vampiro vs. The Great Muta vs. The Demon vs. Sting

As the heels make their way out, Mark Madden complains about Gene Okerlund and challenges him to a singles match. Thankfully Madden issues this challenge to take place on Thunder so I’ll never have to see it, though there’s part of me that kind of wants to check it out to see how god awful it actually is.

Sting works over The Demon for a bit, hitting him with a clothesline before Vampiro and Muta join in the fray. I have no idea what the rules to this actually are. Is this a handicap match or just a four way match in which three of the guys are working in concert with each other? I don’t think it matters either way.

Vampiro proceeds to stomp on the mat and Sting sells it even though there is a foot or so between him and the Canadian vampire. The Dark Carnival boys kick the shit out Sting for a few seconds before Sting decides he’s had enough of this bullshit and makes his comeback. He nails Muta with a Stinger Splash and then slaps on the Scorpion Deathlock.

Vampiro grabs a kendo stick and goes to blast Sting with it but The Demon stops him and says that he wants to do it. Vampiro hands him the stick and in a turn of events that shocked absolutely no one, The Demon caned Vampiro with it. Muta then tapped out to the Deathlock making Sting the winner after two minutes of a match.

After the match Sting and The Demon have a staredown before The Demon leaves the ring. Muta and Vampiro then begin beating on him which causes Sting to try and make the save but this time the Dark Carnival is too much for him and they lay him out and drag him to the back.

Winner: Sting

Fuck this shit. Another nothing match that they rushed to get to. Why not have this match for the following week if they really needed to have this stupid ass match that no one cares about? [-***]

Meanwhile Backstage…

We return for break as The Demon saves Sting from getting stabbed by Vampiro in The Great Muta with some sort of spike.

Meanwhile in the Arena…

Kevin Nash heads down to the ring carrying a cardboard box with him. He’s actually dressed in his wrestling gear so maybe we’re getting a match after all. Nash gets in the ring and gets on the mic. He says that he sees a lot of Scott Hall signs in crowd as the audience chants, “We want Hall!”

Nash says he does too but the WCW brass deemed Hall to be too dangerous for live TV. Nash says that since Hall isn’t there he’s decided to conduct his own survey. He then opens the box and pulls out a cardboard cutout of Scott Hall.

Nash asks “Hall” what’s up and then uses a button on the microphone to play a recording of Hall saying “Hey yo!” Nash then points to “Hall’s” shirt and informs him that the nWo died awhile ago “for the third time.”

From there it’s time a survey. Nash asks the crowd if they want to see Scott Hall come back. Based on the cheers that come from the crowd, they do. He then asks if they want to see the people keeping Hall away get their asses kicked. Again the crowd seems to be behind this.

With that out of the way, Nash called out Booker T to have a match. Booker T, in street clothes, walks out with the belt, but before he can get in the ring or say anything, Steiner jumps him from behind and blasts him with the lead pipe. Steiner then wails on Nash as well but before Steiner could finish him off, Goldberg appeared on the Turnertron. He has Midajah by the hair and yells at Steiner before hurking her up to set up for a Jackhammer through a conveniently located table. Before he can deliver the move the Turnertron cuts out.

Steiner hauls ass to the back as Nash tends to Booker T. Backstage Steiner checks on Midajah who is out cold after being put through the table. He vows to murder Goldberg as the show fades to black without any sort of main event.

Final Thoughts

This was a rough, rough episode of Nitro, but before I shit all over the garbage. I’ll praise some of the good stuff. Elix Skipper vs. Kwee Wee was a genuinely good match. Sometimes I’ll see stuff on this show where it’s good in the context of a WCW 2000 show, but this was actually a pretty good match. It wasn’t perfect but both guys looked good and the match never really felt rushed. I also thought that Carl Ouellet looked pretty good in his match here, but as I wrote above, this looks like it’s his only appearance unless I decide to watch the Thunder that followed this episode.

Now for the bad. There were I guess two clean finishes. The opening tag team match ended with a clean pin fall and the match for the Hardcore Championship did as well, depending on whether or not you think a referee attempting to enforce standard wrestling match rules in a hardcore match leading to the finish counts as a clean finish. Everything else ended with run-ins or foreign objects or other bullshit. It got to be too much.

To be honest though, that’s a minor gripe compared to the “shoot” bullshit that started off the show and reared it head again during the stuff with Stacy Keibler/Miss Hancock. Everyone knew that wrestling was “fake” by 2000, but having these sort of shoots and worked shoots mixed in as part of the show with the 100% worked stuff fucks up the internal logic of the show.

Goldberg wanting to murder people was apparently real, but what about something like Kwee Wee beating up a referee after his match? Was that just part of the show? If so why were the announcers talking about fining him if he was just doing what was in the script? It becomes an unnecessarily problematic mess that adds nothing of value to the overall show.

This episode, much like the PPV that proceeded it is a prime example of the stuff people point at when they talk about how bad WCW 2000 was or how shitty Vince Russo was at booking. Avoid this one (except maybe the Elix Skipper vs. Kwee Wee match which is honestly pretty good).

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