ECW Hardcore Heaven ’95 (July 1, 1995)

ECW Hardcore Heaven '95

This is a show I’d heard a lot about back in the day when I was into real sleazy garbage wrestling and shit like that because of the Taipei Deathmatch but I’d never actually seen it until I got the WWE Network and watched it, which automatically makes it 90% less sleazy than it would have been if I’d traded a 3rd generation tape of the Big Japan Supermarket Deathmatch for a dubbed copy of this, but whatever. Let’s get extreme!

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WWE Saturday Morning Slam (October 20, 2012)

Saturday Morning Slam

Voice Over Guy welcomes us to another action packed episode of Saturday Morning Slam and informs us that our main event this morning will see one half of the Tag Team Champions, Daniel Bryan, taking on Tyson Kidd, but first it’s time to go to the ring for our opening bout.

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Tarzan Goto vs. Leon Spinks (FMW March 25, 1992)

So early on in FMW’s history FMW owner/booker/Antonio Inoki fanboy, Atsushi Onita, booked a lot of “different styles” fights. These were bouts inspired by Inoki’s horrific bout against Muhammad Ali and featured wrestlers taking on karate guys, judo experts, boxers and the like.

This is one of those different styles bouts featuring Onita’s frenemy, Tarzan Goto, taking on boxing legend, Leon Spinks. Goto’s WWA World Martial Arts Heavyweight Championship is on the line here and if my limited knowledge of Japanese is correct the match is being contested under quasi-boxing rules with 15 three minute rounds.

The match is clipped, which is probably for the best, because what we get is not that great. Goto wrecks house on Spinks for most of the first round with Spinks bumping hysterically on clotheslines and shit, but in the second round he wails on Goto with punches that send him flying across the ring.

Spinks ends up winning by knockout which makes him the new WWA World Martial Arts Champion, but he doesn’t have a chance to celebrate since Onita runs in and attacks him (I guess he and Goto are friends this week). Spinks quickly dispatches Onita with ground and pound punches and we get clipping after which we see Goto, Onita, and about a dozen other FMW staff/young boys/cornermen bloodied up in the ring.

Winner: Leon Spinks

This was neither a particularly good wrestling match nor a particularly good boxing match, but as pure spectacle it worked. On occasion in professional wrestling there’s room for freakshow shit like this, especially when it’s only four minutes long and seemingly involves a retired boxer maiming a mass of humanity. [*]

WWE Saturday Morning Slam (September 8, 2012)

Saturday Morning Slam

We kick things off this week with a version of the opening theme that’s a lot longer than the version I’m accustomed to. I guess they edited it in later installments to cram in another match or something.

Voice Over Guy welcomes us to Saturday Morning Slam and informs us, “It’s Back to School season throughout the WWE Universe and this morning we’re taking the WWE Superstars and Divas back to school with you!” He tells us that our exclusive match this morning will feature Sin Cara, but first since this is Damien Sandow’s favorite time of year he’ll be this morning’s Saturday Morning Spotlight.

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WCW Monday Nitro (July 31, 2000)

WCWNitrologo1999

The show begins with a ten-bell salute as a picture of Gordon Solie along with the text “Gordon Solie 1929-2000,” is displayed. I can’t believe that in WCW 2000 someone had the good sense to do something as subdued and classy as this, but that’s actually what we get here to memorialize one of the all time greats in wrestling announcing.

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Hiroshi Wajima vs. Tom Magee (AJPW April 22, 1988)

I love me some awful wrestling, so I’ve decided to watch all the winners of the Observer’s Worst Match of the Year Award. Hell, I’ve seen the bulk of them already, but this one I hadn’t seen before and it’s only like two and a half minutes long so here we go.

Tom Magee was a former bodybuilder turned pro-wrestler who was apparently on track to be the “next big thing” in the WWF, but it was not to be. Perhaps because of the fact that in spite having the right look, he never really learned how to work. Perhaps its because Vince thought he sounded too girly when he spoke. Who knows?

What we do know was that in April of 1988 he went to Japan to wrestle for All Japan Pro Wrestling. In this match from April 22 or maybe April 21 (I’ve seen both dates online) he faced a former sumo wrestler named Hiroshi Wajima in a rather awful encounter.

Magee comes attacks before the bell with some weak looking chops and knees that Wajima doesn’t really sell. Magee tosses him out to the floor and whips him into the guardrail and again Wajima doesn’t sell.

Magee does some flips and poses in the ring, as you do. Wajima climbs back up on the apron and Magee hits some ridiculous looking kicks that, you guessed it, Wajima no-sells. Magee hits a scoop slam and then a surprisingly good looking legdrop that he gets some insane height on and covers, but Wajima kicks out at one.

Magee goes for a belly to belly suplex, but Wajima doesn’t go up for him at all so they just kind of fall in a heap on the mat. This also only gets a one count. Magee then whips Wajima into the corner and unleashes a fury of more weak looking kicks and chops that draws laughter from the crowd before Wajima fires up.

Wajima hits some chops of his own, a hiptoss, a clothesline before slapping on the Boston Crab to pick up the win.

Winner: Hiroshi Wajima

While Tom Magee was clearly not the best wrestler and didn’t seem to understand the psychology of a match, with a different opponent, one who might have sold for some of his offense and made it look less ridiculous for example, this wouldn’t have been as bad as it was. Early in the match when Wajima kind of sold Magee looked competent and when he hit the legdrop he actually looked good, but when Wajima just stood there no-selling stuff it ended up making the entire match shit. [-***]

 

WWE Saturday Morning Slam (March 16, 2013)

Saturday Morning Slam

For the second week in a row Saturday Morning Slam begins with a voice over guy who sounds more like the Movie Trailer Guy than the Voice Over Guy from Saturday Morning Slam we all know and love. He delivers another doom and gloom bit of oration stating, “Last week on the Slam, chaos and disorder continued to run rampant throughout the WWE. And today an announcement will be made. Will it end the pandemonium, or will mayhem be unleashed?”

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Gary Hart vs. Victor the Wrestling Bear (Houston Wrestling 1979)

Don’t know the exact date for this one but it shows up on a tape from Paul Boesch’s Houston Wrestling with a bunch of matches from 1979 so I’m assuming that’s when it went down, though I can’t find any evidence online about this match other than stuff saying that Gart Hart once wrestled a bear and isn’t that what really matters?

As far as matches go this one is wilder than the match I posted earlier of Gene Dubois taking on Terrible Ted. While Ted kind of wrestled with Dubois, hitting some snapmares and stuff, Victor just bowls everyone over, including the man with the fastest three count in professional wrestling, Referee Bronko Lubich.

Victor wins the match, but that’s beside the point. This is a man wrestling a bear in a cage of some sort because professional wrestling is goddamn ridiculous and that’s why I love it.

WWE Saturday Morning Slam (March 9, 2013)

Saturday Morning Slam

“Chaos has run amok. The WWE roster is in disarray. Alliances forged. Allegiances questioned. Who can you trust? These are dark and turbulent times. Will a leader rise? The very fate of Saturday Morning Slam hangs in the balance!”

Christ alive is this pre-opening shitrock theme voiceover over the top or what? The fate of Saturday Morning Slam? It’s a goofy wrestling show for 8 year old boys and they decided to start it off with Movie Preview Guy growling about chaos?

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WWE Saturday Morning Slam (March 2, 2013)

Saturday Morning Slam

At some point I will run out of Satuday Morning Slam episodes to review since the show lasted but a single season, but that day is not today my friends! A severe sounding Voice Over Guy informs us that things have gotten out of control here on Saturday Morning Slam and so today Booker T will announce a general manager for Saturday Morning Slam to get things back under control.

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