This is the premiere episode of Saturday Morning Slam, a short lived Saturday morning wrestling show geared at children from 2012. It’s time for lots of arm drags and body scissors and dudes always missing finishers that inflict damage to the head and/or neck!
Voice Over Guy gives us a rundown of what’s to come on this week’s episode and then introduces the first segment.
Saturday Morning Spotlight
This week the spotlight’s on Brodus Clay. He talks about being a dinosaur and dancing and how every kid can be a Funkateer if they want. He also says he called his mama five minutes before the interview.
He and the Funkadactyls then teach everyone watching at home how to do the Planet Funk dance so they can all be Funkateers.
Brodus’ dance instructions lead to this week’s top five: top five dancing wrestlers. We get Too Cold Scorpio, Rikishi, Disco Inferno, Too Cool, and JYD. It’s a pretty solid list but I think Alex Wright was robbed, though I guess a Eurosleaze guy thrusting his giant German cock about is not particularly child friendly. They did include footage of Too Cold Scorpio from ECW though so who knows?
The Third Degree
We get backstage interviews about what Olympic sports various wrestlers like. Cody Rhodes likes freestyle wrestling but hates Greco-Roman wrestling. Heath Slater likes boxing and basketball because he used to do both at the amateur level. Jack Swagger likes women’s beach volleyball because he’s a pervert.
Match 1: Kofi Kingston vs. Heath Slater
Before the match gets underway, WWE United States champion, Santino, comes out to join Josh Mathews on commentary.
Kofi offers a handshake at the bell but Slater slaps his hand away in a blatant show of disrespect.
They lock up and Kofi quickly takes control. He ends up controlling the bulk of the match with arm drags and arm bars.. This makes sense since they can’t use chinlocks or things of that sort. Anyway Slater gets sent to the floor and we go to commercials. TAPE MACHINES ARE ROLLING!
Before we get back to the action we get Daniel Bryan telling us not to do arm drags and body scissors on anyone at school or home.
Back in the ring Kofi does some more arm drags and some hip tosses but eventually Slater makes a comeback with an abdominal stretch after Kofi misses with a top rope splash.
Slater goes back to the abdominal stretch, this time using the rope for added leverage. He is eventually caught and after some more stuff Kofi hits a big leg drop and then goes for Trouble in Paradise but misses because I think it’s a move that blasts dudes in the head.
He takes Slater down anyway and then heads up and nails him with a high cross body block that gets him a three count.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
This was such an old school match. I’ve been watching WCCW from the early 80s and this was exactly the sort of match a couple of lower mid-card guys there would have had back in 1982. [*½]
Meanwhile in St. Louis…
Some WWE wrestlers spoke to kids in St. Louis about bullying and Being a Star or something.
Next Week on Saturday Morning Slam…
We’ll get a look at Rey Mysterio. We then close out the show with various WWE superstars and divas lip syncing to some song I’ve never heard before.
For a twenty minute show geared toward small children Saturday Morning Slam is decent. As I’ve said in previous reviews of this show, the wrestling is kind of weird since there are a bunch of banned moves which results in guys having very old school matches. Since this is mostly lower mid-card guys just having matches people who need storylines and plot might not like it that much but if you like other WWE C-shows Saturday Morning Slam’s alright.