Hiroshi Ono & Shoji Nakamaki vs. Bob Baragail & Crypt Keeper (IWA Japan May 18, 1995)

This might be the weirdest “wrestling” match I’ve seen. Two dudes spray paint “FUCK YOU” on a house and then proceed to bust in with a sledge hammer and a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. One of them is in baseball pants and a dodgy Crypt Keeper mask and according to the internet would shortly after this match go on to be one of the Los Boricuas (Jose Estrada if you’re keeping score at home). The other is a dude named Bob Baragail and his hair is absolutely amazing.

They hammer away at the door and eventually make their way into the house where they immediately start beating on two Japanese dudes. Roughly twenty minutes of dudes slamming each other’s heads into walls follows. Each punch, kick, and slam has been overdubbed with more devastating sound effects. Crypt Keeper attempts to drown a dude in a toilet or a bathtub or a bidet or something.

A crowd (consisting primarily of housewives and small children) gathers outside as four men attempt to maim one another. A dude gets choked out with a leek/green onion. A daikon radish is used as a weapon. There’s a part that’s in slow motion with melancholy music and overdubbed narration. Bob Baragail randomly blows fire.

The match actually ends in a pinfall and afterwards Nakamaki and Ono go outside and thank everyone and then credits roll. As the credits roll, Baragail and Crypt Keeper kick in walls and hit them with sledgehammers and stuff. It all ends with the Crypt Keeper busting a hole in the wall to the outside of the house and creepily waving at the children still sitting outside.

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