ECW When Worlds Collide (May 14, 1994)

ECW - When Worlds Collide 1994 Cover.jpg

Time for an ECW Supercard! One that’s not available on the WWE Network as of writing this. This one is coming to us from the ECW Arena on May 14, 1994. We start things off with more or less the same opening montage that begins every 1994 episode of ECW TV before heading down to the ring for action. ECW! ECW! ECW!

Match 1: Tommy Dreamer vs. The Rockin’ Rebel (w/ Jason)

Dreamer’s still in MC Hammer pants and suspenders here. The Rockin’ Rebel’s got a mullet. Jason’s got bandages on him from where Taz bit his face. I have no idea why this match is taking place.

Dreamer takes control early on, working over Rebel’s neck. There’s some back and forth. Nothing really happens. It’s just slow and boring. Occasionally Dreamer would try some fancy shit like a Rolling Liger Kick and botch the fuck out of it.

Rebel gets in control after hitting a swinging neckbreaker and an ugly spinebuster. At some point he goes down and starts holding his knee. I think he might actually be hurt. He crawls over to Dreamer and makes the pin which causes Jason to jump up on the apron and the pin to be broken up. Tommy Dreamer gets whipped of the ropes and hits a Thesz Press and pin Rebel for three.

After the match Rebel and Jason get into it, but Jason hands Rebel some money and everything is right with the world again.

Winner: Tommy Dreamer

A slow, boring match with no heat and nothing really at stake. I guess this was part of the experiment to get Dreamer over as a white meat babyface, but other than that it was just a goddamn garbage match and the ending to it made absolutely no sense.

I have no idea why Jason broke up the Rebel’s pin attempt before Dreamer made his comeback. It was such a random thing to do. I guess they’ll do a break-up angle at some point, but there was no logically reason for Jason to interject himself at that point. [*]

Match 2: Mikey Whipwreck vs. 911 (w/ Paul Heyman)

This is for Mikey Whipwreck’s TV Championship. The bell rings and 911 immediately starts choking the life out of Whipwreck in the corner. After maybe 20 seconds he chokeslams Whipwreck, but he doesn’t go for the pin. He gets Whipwreck up and chokeslams him a second time. Again he doesn’t go for the pin. Chokeslam number three in en route.

The ref gets up in 911’s face and is like, “NO MORE CHOKESLAMS!” because 911 was going to chokeslam Whipwreck again. 911 gives zero fucks and grabs the ref and slams him and Whipwreck simultaneously. The ref, then no sells the chokeslam and proceeds to roll over and call for the bell to be rung. 911 loses via disqualification.

911 then proceeds to chokeslam the ref a couple more times. Paul Heyman mockingly does the last rites on Mikey Whipwreck causing Joey Styles to declare, “What does he know about the last rites? He’s Jewish! He doesn’t care about that man’s soul!”

911 and Heyman roll out and someone dressed as Rad Radford peels Whipwreck off the mat and helps him to the back.

Winner: Mikey Whipwreck

I still don’t get 911. Why was he so over? Anyway this one was stupid. 911 nearly got DQed for kicking too much ass (which is always a lame finish) so he wrecked the ref’s shit and got legit DQed for that. [-*]

Match 3: Jimmy Snuka (w/ Hunter Q. Robbins III) vs. Kevin Sullivan (w/ Woman)

The first “arena brawl” of the night. Sullivan attacks before the bell and sends Snuka out to the floor where he just wails on him with chairs and a frying pan he takes a hammer to Snuka’s dick at one point because this is ECW Kevin Sullivan.

Back in the ring Sullivan apparently uses a spike on Snuka, but it just looked like he was karate chopping Snuka. It’s a shitty VHS though so who knows, maybe there was a spike.

They head back out and Sullivan continues beating on Snuka with garbage. He uses a polio crutch and a wrench and later chokes him out with a rope. They head back in and Snuka hits some headbutts.

Sandman apparently shows up and drags Woman to the back at some point, but I don’t think the camera catches it, it’s just a Joey Styles call. Sullivan gets tripped up by Hunter Q. Robbins III and falls on his ass allowing Snuka to make the pin.

After the match Sullivan chases after Robbins and Snuka as they head to the back. He grabs Robbins and drags him back to the ring. Snuka’s like, “Eh…fuck it,” and just keeps walking.

Sullivan beats up Robbins, hits him in the dick with a cane repeatedly, rips his pants off, hits him in the dick again, jumps out of the ring and chases cameramen around and throws chairs at them, gets on the mic and says, “Fuck something or other.” I can’t tell what he said since he’s on a house mic and neither could Joey Styles who was just like, “Can he say that?!” Whatever it was though, the crowd went wild. He then leaves.

Winner: Jimmy Snuka

If this is the only match where guys hit each other with random shit outside of the ring for the bulk of the match on this card I’ll count myself lucky. Being ECW 1994 I don’t think that’s going to prove to be the case.

As far as “arena brawls” go this one was short and had Kevin Sullivan in it, so I guess it was better than it would have been if it was like The Bruiser Brothers and a couple of nameless “enhancement talent” guys. [*]

Match 4: Sandman & Woman vs. “Ironman” Tomy Cairo & Miss Peaches

This is a “Singapore Cane” match because Michael Fay, which would have been topical when this took place but now seems super dated. The winner will cane the loser six times or something…no two stroke reduction here. ECW: More Hardcore Than Singapore!

Cairo and Sandman start things off. Cairo hits a variety of suplexes and controls early on. Sandman gets in control though after hitting a vertical suplex. He stays in control for awhile but Cairo eventually hits a powerslam and a DDT that apparently kills the Sandman.

Cairo pins him, but Woman comes in to break up the pin attempt. This brings in Miss Peaches and it’s a CAT FIGHT CAT FIGHT! Cairo peels Woman off Peaches and places her in her corner. Miss Peaches, seeing that Sandman is still dead from the DDT, makes the cover to pick up the win.

It’s time now for a caning! Cario holds Sandman and Miss Peaches pulls down Sandman’s pants. That’s right kids, we get to see Sandman’s ass! Peaches hits him in the ass three times with the kendo stick before Woman runs in and throws Memphis Powder in Peaches’ eyes.

Sandman recovers from death and caning and runs wild on Cairo with the cane. He then hold Miss Peaches so Woman can cane her too. They then leave the ring with Cairo bleeding all over the goddamn place out of his face and Miss Peaches crying.

Cairo is a good dude and carries Peaches to the back. This feud will continue!

Winners: Tommy Cairo & Miss Peaches

Cairo and Sandman worked the bulk of the match which is smart. Sandman’s not that great but Cairo is honestly not a half bad worker. He’s can throw some decent suplexes and bumps pretty decently and looks like a fireplug.

For a really dated gimmick match, this honestly wasn’t that bad, and wasn’t as problematic as a mixed tag team match in ECW could have been since there wasn’t really any man on woman violence to speak of. [*⅔]

Meanwhile in the Ring…

The ring announcer guy announces that the referee for the next match is the skinny ref with droopy hair from the TV Title match. 911 FROM OUTTA NOWHERE! Chokeslams abound! 911 SPRINTS to the back for no goddamn reason.

Match 5: The Pitbull (w/ Jason) vs. The Tazmaniac

The go into the crowd and brawl to start. They fight in the audience for maybe a minute and then head back in the ring and have a slow, plodding match. Pitbull hits a suplex and then gets Taz in a chinlock. Pitball awkwardly beats on Taz for awhile. The crowd chants, “Where’s your belt?” at The Pitbull since he’d just lost it to Mikey Whipwreck the night before due to Taz interference.

Twenty thousand years later, Taz makes his comeback and hits an overhead belly to belly suplex and then goes up to the top rope. Pitball has other ideas though and kicks Taz off the top turnbuckle down to the concrete floor in a spot that looked like it sucked all the ass.

Taz gets back in the ring and suplexes abound. Jason climbs up onto the ring apron to jaw with fans so Taz comes up behind him and suplexes Jason into the ring. The ref checks on Jason so Pitball takes his chain and blasts Taz in the face with it for the win.

Winner: The Pitbull

What a piece of shit this match was. It was slow, both guys hit the same 3 or 4 moves over and over again, and the ending was dumb. [½*]

Match 6: Shane Douglas, Mr. Hughes and The Public Enemy vs. J.T. Smith and The Bruise Brothers

This is an elimination match a la Survivor Series. Before the match gets underway Douglas gets on the mic and talks shit about Hawk not being there due to injury and then tells Arn to go back to Atlanta and tell the Nature Boy that Douglas is waiting for him here in Philly.

All seven men brawl in the aisle for a bit before taking it to the ring. Rocco Rock is in with one of those Nazi fuck Harris boys. They work quick tags and keep the Bruise Brother isolated. About five or six minutes in Douglas gets the Bruise Brother in what is undoubtedly the longest single leg Boston crab in the history of our great sport.

Douglas has it on for minutes(!) before he gets tried out and tags in Rock to replace him. Minutes pass of a Nazi fuck just laying on the mat casually while he gets his knee worked over. Finally he gets the hot tag to the other Nazi fuck who runs wild for awhile before the Public Enemy take out his knee too and work him over for a bit.

J.T. Smith gets the tag and immediately the heels start working over his knee. The heels work over Smith’s knee for six centuries, but at least they vary up how they are ruining his knee’s shit so it’s not as bad as the Infinite Boston Crab. This sucks so much. Smith finally makes the hot tag to a Bruise Brother who runs wild for 15 seconds and then tags JT Smith back in.

“Why would he do that?!” screams Joey Styles.

The Bruise Brothers, Douglas and Mr. Hughes start to brawl out in the crowd and apparently get counted out. The camera work sucks here so I have no idea what was happening. The screen was literally black for parts of it. Anyway Styles tells us they’ve been counted out like 2 minutes before the ring announcer actually announces that they’ve been counted out.

We’re down to the Public Enemy and J.T. Smith. PE kill Smith for a few more minutes, but Smith gets a wacky roll-up on Rock to eliminate him. Rock sticks around on the ring apron and he and Grunge go for some sort of double team move, but Smith moves out of the way and the PE collides. Smith gets another goofy roll up to win the match as the sole survivor.

Winners: J.T. Smith & The Bruise Brothers

This was fucking awful. It was long and boring. Guys who had no business wrestling tried to wrestle scientifically. I mean the vast majority of the guys in this match were just brawlers which I suppose is why we got a ten minute Boston crab…

Anyway the tag team and world heavyweight champions all got jobbed out. J.T. Smith who is a fine face in peril made his own comeback to emerge victorious which is just dumb. This match was just the worst. [-*⅔]

Match 7: Sabu & “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton (w/ Paul Heyman & 911) vs. Terry Funk & Arn Anderson

Paul Heyman gets on the mic and talks about how this is the most dangerous version of the Dangerous Alliance. Funk and Anderson comes out. Styles talks about how neither Anderson nor Eaton are contracted ECW wrestlers, they are both still employed by WCW (hence the worlds colliding in the title of this event). This fact is more interesting than anything else that has transpired this evening.

Funk and Sabu start things off and Sabu quickly takes control. He gets an near fall off an early pin attempt. Eaton comes in and he and Funk head out to the floor where he bounces Funk’s skull off the timekeeper’s table.

The head back in and Sabu casually dumps Funk out of the ring and through the timekeeper’s table. Arn shows up with and checks on Funk and rolls him back into the ring. Sabu takes a chair to Funk’s dome and then hits Air Sabu before tagging Eaton back in.

Funk manages to get to his corner and make the tag to Arn. Eaton immediately tags out to Sabu. The fans are not happy about this since they want to see Eaton and Arn go at it. There’s some stalling and then Sabu tags Eaton in, but before he gets in the ring Funk pulls him down off the apron to brawl with him on the floor before sending him back into the ring where Arn gets him in the figure four. Funk brings a chunk of the broken timekeeper’s table into the ring and leans it up against the bottom rope and proceeds to piledrive Bobby Eaton into it.

A bunch of spots happen. Arn goes up top but Sabu dropkicks him in the face and sends him to the floor. Funk then proceeds to go up top too and do a moonsault that misses. Sabu then does a moonsault of his own that actually connects for a near fall. Funk comes back with a neckbreaker that gets a two count before going after Eaton on the apron but Sabu takes him out with a dive from inside the ring.

Arn and Sabu head into the ring. I guess they’re the legal men now or something. Sabu hits a moonsault on Arn, but doesn’t cover him. He waits awhile and then goes and tags in Bobby Eaton. Eaton slams Arn and then goes up top and nails Double A with the Alabama Jam. He goes for the pin but it gets broken up by Funk.

Sabu and Arn go out to the floor and Funk and Eaton are just gone. Arn brings Sabu back in and hits a pair of DDTs on him.

We see Funk and Eaton brawling up in the ECW Command Center. He hits a piledrive and we head back down to the ring where we see Anderson nail Sabu with a SPINEBUSTER!

Up in the aisle the Public Enemy is attacking Terry Funk with a 2×4 and a chair. They’re wailing on his knee. Arn shows up and attacks the Public Enemy with a chair and the leave. He help Funk back into the ring and then the Public Enemy shows back up and attacks Arn. He fights them off.

Styles is going on and on about how Funk’s knee is apparent a bloody mess. I’m not seeing it but I’m watching a copy of this that was transferred from a 20+ year old VHS cassette, the video quality is not the greatest.

Sabu gets Funk in a spinning toe hold, but gets bored of that so he gets a chair. Arn is in the ring. He cuts off Sabu and gets him in a hold so Funk can use the chair on Sabu. The thing that happens every single time in this situation happened and Sabu moved at the last second and Funk brained Arn Anderson.

Funk gets Sabu with the toe hold, but Sabu gets the chair and hits Funk four times in the head. Sabu’s back up and goes to finish Funk off with the chair, but Arn cuts him off and grabs the chair. He then proceeds to waffle Funk with it. He wails on Funk’s leg with the chair for awhile and then Sabu gets Funk in a half crab. Funk hangs on for awhile but ultimately taps out.

Winners: Sabu & Bobby Eaton

Seeing Arn Anderson give Sabu a spinebuster was kind of surreal to be honest, but this match was a lot of fun beyond just the weirdness of seeing WCW guys wrestling in ECW. The structure and pacing of the match was really good.

Sure there was ECW mayhem but in a way it was contained mayhem. Anytime that brawling took place it was either at ringside so we didn’t miss anything, or it was cut to when there was a lull in the action in the ring.

The part where they cut to Funk piledriving Eaton in the Eagles’ Nest and then cut back to the ring for Arn hitting the spinebuster and then back to the aisle where the Public Enemy is getting attack was a fine bit of editing from the same people that didn’t actually show Sandman come down to the ring to drag Woman off during the Sullivan vs. Snuka match earlier in the night.

All in all a fine little tag team match, and probably the only thing on this show I’d actually recommend watching. [***⅓]

Meanwhile Backstage…

Paul Heyman is with the Public Enemy. He pays them off for attacking Funk before cutting a promo where he asks, “Who is this man that…” and then lists some random thing Funk has done a dozen times. “Who is this man that thinks at 50 years old he can compete in the most extreme wrestling promotion in America? Who is this man that has a deathwish and refuses to retire?”

In case it’s not entirely clear that it’s Funk he’s talking about it outright says it and then asks Funk why he’s going to get his brother, Dory, involved in this.

Meanwhile Somewhere Else Backstage…

A bloodied Terry Funk is standing by to answer the question posed by Heyman. Why involve his brother? Because they’re the Funks.

Highlights for Children!

The tape ends with highlights from the not yet available on VHS, Hostile City Showdown ’94. Cactus Jack shows up. We get the Funk Brothers vs. the Public Enemy. Mikey Whipwreck hits an offensive maneuver and much much more!

This looks better than the card I just watched.

Final Thoughts

Most of this card is pretty bad. The main event was far and away the best thing here by a large margin and saved this show from being a complete waste of time. That being said, for as bad as a lot of the matches were, at least they were short (except for that fucking endless Elimination Tag Team match). So if a particular match wasn’t doing it for me, I only had to wait a couple minutes before something else was happening.

Anyway, this one’s not worth seeking out except maybe the main event which is kind of worth it just to see contracted WCW guys in ECW working an ECW match. The 90s were a weird time in wrestling.

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