NXT (April 26, 2017)

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Nikki Cross slides into the ring and then rolls out and then creeps over to where the ring announcer is sitting. Nikki Cross bends over and talks into the microphone the ring announcer lady is holding in her lap.

“Ruuuby. Ruuuuby. Come out and play…”

Ruby Riot comes out to play. She and Nikki Cross head to the ring and have a stare down before they get down to the business at hand and start brawling. They roll out of the ring and and are fighting on the floor when referees and security show up to pull them apart. The refs and security do not succeed.

Cross looks like she’s bleeding from the arm. Riot and Cross keep breaking free and brawling. Eventually the officials get things under control and they drag Nikki Cross to the back.

Welcome to NXT!

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WCW Thunder (January 8, 1998)

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In 1997 the WCW had done gangbusters. Nitro was one of the highest rated shows on TV or maybe just on cable. They were so successful and making so much money that they decided to add a another show to their TV schedule in addition to Nitro and Saturday Night and Worldwide and Main Event and whatever else they already had. That show would air on Thursday nights and be known as Thunder. This is that show.

This is the premiere episode so we get a pretty stacked card with something like three different title matches signed plus the Larry Zbyszko vs. Eric Bischoff match from Starrcade ’97 in its entirety, which I sure the fans in the arena are going to love. So let’s take it away!

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Brian Lee vs. The Storm Trooper (SMW July 25, 1992)

Jesus Titty Fucking Christ Smoky Mountain Wrestling! Who thought this was a good idea? The Storm Trooper, if the preview image for the video doesn’t make it completely fucking obvious, is a literal Nazi. I mean he’s got fucking swastikas on his mask and on his tank top for fucks sake.

Brian Lee squashes the shit out of him, making this the first Brian Lee match in the history of everything that I was glad to see.

WWF Invasion (July 22, 2001)

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It’s time for the Invasion. I somehow missed out on this when it happened and haven’t seen it since, but I know its reputation. Everyone does. Does the Invasion deserve the amount of shit that’s been heaped upon it? Let’s find out!

Franklin Delano Roosevelt kicks things off for us, talking about war as clips of WCW and ECW dudes invading WWF are shown. This is really a weird way to kick off a PPV. Fireworks happen. JR welcomes to the Gund Arena as we get down to the ring for action.

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Terry Funk vs. The Sheik (FMW 5th Anniversary Show May 5, 1994)

Do you like bleeding old men? Forks? Pants being on fire? Chairs being chucked at random? Strangulation? If you answered yes to any or all of those questions than have I got a wrestling match for you!

If none of those things tickle your fancy this match also has Sabu in pants that look like tin foil, a guy with dodgy monster gloves and face paint carrying a torch, and Terry Funk climbing up a wall in a baseball stadium!

But wait! There’s more! Order now and get a guy yelling in Japanese over a PA telling people to get out of the way as a pair of bleeding old men chase each other slowly through a crowd as our special gift to you!

WWF Super Astros (November 22, 1998)

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On a Sunday afternoon in either late 1998 or early 1999 I was flipping through the channel when I came across some wrestling taking place within a WWF ring, though I wasn’t familiar with any of the guys involved in the matches…and the commentary was in Spanish. The show was Super Astros; part of the then WWF’s attempt to break into the Latin American market. The other day while randomly YouTubing, I discovered what appeared to be the entire run of the show uploaded in full, so why not randomly review episodes of a WWF show from the late 90s that aired on Sunday afternoons on Univision?

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ECW Hardcore TV (April 5, 1994)

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Oh fuck it’s the Bruise Brothers! They’re attacking their opponents before they even have a chance to get in the ring! That is not particularly sporting of them!

Match 1: The Bruise Brothers vs. Stormin’ Mike Norman & ????

This is barely a match. The Bruise Brothers attack before the bell, brawl their way into the ring, hit some power moves, hit a double big boot and make the cover to pick up the win. After the match they continue to pummel their opponents before we get the opening credits.

Winners: The Bruise Brothers

I feel bad for whoever the non-Stormin’ Mike Norman Bruise Brother victim was since he has more or less been forgotten to time. Joey never mentions his name (to be fair he doesn’t mention Stormin’ Mike Norman either but Mike had the wherewithal to wear tights with his name on the ass) and all the records of this match on the internet either incorrectly claim that the Bruise Brothers fought someone like Mikey Whipwreck or Hack Meyers or just have the second dude listed as ????. So ???? if you’re out there, let me know who you are so we can get you the respect you deserve for taking a hellacious beating from a pair of oversized Nazi fucks.

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