ECW (March 1, 1994)

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I got so fucking confused by the beginning of this episode. “Didn’t I just watch this? Did I accidentally play the same episode I just watched? No…do I need to send the WWE Network a strongly worded letter?”

The episode begins with the exact same intro as last week with Joey Styles talking about the tag team fracas that happened last week (two weeks ago) and then showing us the Public Enemy sneaking into Tod Gordon’s office last week (two weeks ago). Joey hypes up the return of Sabu to face Pat Tanaka for the TV Championship (happened last week), and talks about getting our first look at newcomer, “Awesome” Mike Awesome (also happened already). The reused the intro. Fortunately after that weird editing decision, the remainder of the episode is new to me, so let’s take it away!

Meanwhile in the Shower…

Jason’s in the shower and asks the cameraman to come back later for his interview.

Meanwhile in Tod Gordon’s Office…

Tod Gordon is reading mail about how ECW is apparently out of control and inquiring what he’s going to do to stop it.

“WHAT AM I GOING TO DO TO STOP IT?! I’M THINKING WHAT CAN I DO TO TOP IT!” screams Tod Gordon before he runs down the card for March 5th.

We then go down to the ring for six man tag team action.

Match 1: Jimmy Snuka, The Rockin’ Rebel & The Pitbull (w/ Hunter Q. Robbins III & Jason) vs. Tommy Dreamer, Sal Bellomo & “Ironman” Tommy Cairo

Sal Bellomo is throwing bags of popcorn all over the place as the match gets underway. Pitbull and Cairo start things off with Pitbull hitting a Russian leg sweep and a belly to belly suplex to take control early.

Cairo gets worked over. Joey Styles loses his shit over The Rockin’ Rebel rubbing popcorn in Cairo’s eyes like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened. I don’t think he freaked out that much when Kevin Sullivan hit a guy in the dick with an actual hammer.

Cairo manages to reverse an Irish whip an lays out The Pitbull. HOT TAG! Sal Bellomo comes in. Some stuff happens. The heels cut off Sal Bellomo from his partners and work him over. He’s getting double and tripled teamed.

Snuka comes in. Sal hits a desperation slam and tags in Dreamer but The Rockin’ Rebel and The Pitbull comes in to hold Snuka back from murdering Tommy Dreamer for the horrible sin of calling him a legend several weeks ago. Joey’s going ape shit about how Snuka is ducking Dreamer as he leaves the ring and The Pitbull and Dreamer jostle in the ring.

Some more stuff happens and Bellomo finally puts this dumpster fire of a match out to pasture with a splash on the Rockin’ Rebel. Afterwards the winners all get beat down. Dreamer and Cairo recover and chase off Pitbull, Rebel and Snuka.

Winners: Tommy Dreamer, Sal Bellomo & “Ironman” Tommy Cairo

This was supposed to further the Snuka/Dreamer feud, but Jesus Tittyfucking Christ was it a boring match! If some of the stuff is out of order in the match write-up above or I left out some huge spot it’s because I fell asleep in the middle of the match, went back to rewatch it…and fell asleep again. It was just such a boring match and I don’t really know why. Dud!

Meanwhile in Jason’s Hotel Room…

Matty Indahouse is in Jason’s hotel room to ask him about Hawk. Jason gets super offended and starts yelling about how a few years ago when he was in WCW as a jobber on WCW Saturday Night, Hawk and Animal tried to break his neck with the Doomsday Device.

He rips off his suit and starts yelling that Hawk had no reason to do what he did and that Jason was just trying to do the right thing. He says that Hawk tried to break his neck because he was jealous that all the ladies liked Jason more, but that wasn’t Jason’s fault.

Jason says that the next time Hawk sees him he will be in a suit and have his composer and two surprises for him. The first surprise is his roughneck, Mr. Hughes. The second surprise he’ll have to wait until March 5th to see.

He then kind of apologizes to Matty for losing his cool and says that it was something he needed to get off his chest.

This interview was awesome. Jason is probably my favorite thing about ECW right now.

Meanwhile in the ECW Command Center…

Joey Styles is poleaxed by what he just saw. “He’s been in this business for a number of years now, and I’ve never seen Jason yell before!”

Joey then shows us a clip of The Bad Breed attacking Sabu at a house show which is why Sabu and 911 will be taking on Ian and Axl Rotten next!

Match 2: Sabu & 911 vs. The Bad Breed

Sabu’s busted free from his gurney and sprints down to the ring ahead of 911 and goes right after the Rotten Boys. Sabu and Ian go to the outside as 911 enters the ring and gets Axl in a bear hug.

Sabu and Ian brawl on the outside while in the ring the bear hug continues. Ian ends up getting the upper hand after taking out Sabu with a high risk maneuver from the ring apron. He heads back into the ring to help Axl with 911, but the big man ends up choking them both out.

The ref calls for the bell and The Bad Breed are declared the winners by DQ. Sabu comes to and hits the ring to attack Ian and Axl Rotten, but 911 and a guy with a Mil Muertes mask and a leather vest pull Sabu off and drag him to the back.

Winners: The Bad Breed

A fun, short brawl but 911 is really not that good when he’s not choke slamming jobbers.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Shane Douglas and Sherri Martel cut a promo about how he’s the Franchise and March 5th and stuff like that. It’s your standard issue Shane Douglas Winter ’94 Promo. It looks like he’s wearing a Miami Dolphins hat for some reason.

Highlights for Children!

We get a highlight video of Shane Douglas set to generic hard rock. Meh.

 

 

Match 3: Kevin Sullivan & The Tazmaniac vs. The Bruise Brothers

This is apparently for the ECW Tag Team Titles. I don’t get it. Why do The Bruise Brothers get a shot now if they have to face Public Enemy in a number one contenders match on the 5th?

The Harris Brothers attack Taz and Sullivan in the aisle and start brawling all over the place. Wait a second, do those fuckers have SS tattoos on their arms? Gross. I want Taz to recklessly suplex these fucks.

A mess of refs get taken out by these guys during the course of their brawl. It’s not even like a ref bump it’s just straight up refs getting taken out by wrestlers. Kevin Sullivan is strangely obsessed with hitting guys in the dick and takes out a ref with a crotch shot.

Sullivan gets leveled by one Nazi Fuck with a big boot while Taz wrecks the other Nazi Fuck’s shit with a German Suplex. Another ref comes out and makes the count. ONE! TWO! THREE!

“Both teams made pins! WHO’S THE WINNER?!”

The Nazi Fucks grab the belts and head to the back thinking they’ve won the match, but Taz and Sullivan fight them in the aisle. The belts are dropped and The Public Enemy show up and snatch them and head into the back as Sullivan and Taz brawl with the Nazi Fucks.

Winners: ???

This was an alright arena brawl but probably would have been better if there hadn’t just been a similar tag team brawl right before this match. I really hope the Nazi Fucks get their shit wrecked on March 5th.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Joey throws it to Jay Sulli who’s backstage with the PE. “Take it away Six Pack!”

The Public Enemy claim the belts are theirs now. Johnny Grunge is checking the belts for serial numbers. The Nazi Fucks and Taz & Kevin Sullivan show up and all three teams argue about the belts as the show goes off the air.

 

Final Thoughts

This was a pretty big step down from last week’s show. The only good thing this week was the Jason promo which was just awesome. The two tag team brawls were both okay, but having two of them kind of made each of them less impressive. The six man fucking sucked. Just so bad and long. I would have rather gotten another Tony Stetson/Johnny Hotbody match than that garbage.

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