We kick things off with the brawl between Funk and Douglas that ended the episode last week. The video quality this time around is not good, to put it nicely. We then get a highlight reel of the triple threat match from February 5th…THE NIGHT THE LINE WAS CROSSED! while generic riff rock plays.
To the ECW Command Center…
Joey Styles welcomes us to NWA Eastern Championship Wrestling and informs us that later on tonight Commissioner Tod Gordon will announce the main event for the next big Arena show to be held on March 5th. Apparently it’s later on tonight because he sends it over to his broadcast colleague, Jay Sulli who’s standing by with Tod Gordon.
Tod Gordon says that the NWA Board of Directors has ruled that Shane Douglas is the number one contender for the ECW Heavyweight Championship and will get a title shot against Terry Funk on March 5th.
Paul Heyman randomly shows up and interrupts the interview but Tod Gordon’s like, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” and Paul Heyman gets the hell out of there.
Gordon says that even though the Board of Directors has decreed Douglas to be the number one contender, he’s still the ECW Commissioner, he’s the one who gets to decide the match stipulations and he’s going to do that next week.
Match 1: Shane Douglas (w/ Sherri Martel) vs. Chad Austin
This match never actually gets underway since 911 and Paul Heyman show up and 911 pulls Austin out of the ring. While Douglas is watching this happen Sabu hits the ring and attacks him from behind.
The two brawl for a bit before the locker room empties to pull the two men apart. Styles is screaming about how everyone hates Douglas for CROSSING THE LINE! but the stuff happening in the ring doesn’t really make it seem like this is the case. There’s like a dozen guys in the ring and besides Sabu, no one is really trying to brawl Shane Douglas.
This is a really weird match to have as an opening bout. You’d think you want the big pull apart brawl between guys in contention for the heavyweight championship to be your main event but what do I know?
Paul Heyman’s got the mic. He talks a bunch of shit about how Shane Douglas got exactly what he wanted on THE NIGHT THE LINE WAS CROSSED! He’s now the most talked about wrestler in ECW. The most talked about wrestler in the NWA. Heyman’s even heard people down in Atlanta (WCW) and out in Connecticut (WWF) talking about Douglas. But that notoriety comes at price. Shane Douglas is now the hunted. He’s got a target on him for CROSSING THE LINE! and everyone in wrestling is after him now.
Match 2: The Pitbull & The Rockin’ Rebel (w/ Jason) vs. J.T. Smith & “Ironman” Tommy Cairo
Rebel and Pitbull control the early portion of the match, working quick tags back and forth and keeping Cairo isolated. Cairo and the Rebel take each other out and both men go for the tag.
J.T. Smith and The Pitbull come in. Smith his a fall away slam on both Rebel and Pitbull before Pitbull just kills him. The Pitbull gets distracted by Cairo though and J.T. hits a sunset flip into a rollup for the victory.
Winners: J.T. Smith & “Ironman” Tommy Cairo
This was an okay tag team match with low stakes. None of these guys were feuding going into the match and I doubt they’ll be feuding coming out of it. Wrestling for wrestling’s sake. J.T. Smith is a pretty good face in peril.
Jason and Mr. Hughes hype Mr. Hughes’ match against Hawk of the Road Warriors on March 5th. Mr. Hughes is a fucking great promo. “I AM THE ROUGHNECK! YOU TALK ABOUT BEING FROM CHICAGO?! BEING FROM THE HOOD?! I AM FROM KANSAS! I KNOW THE HOOD! I USED TO TAKE MONEY FROM PUNKS LIKE YOU! STEP IN THE RING WITH THE ROUGHNECK and I’ll put you down with the sidewalk slam.”
Highlights for Children
We get highlights of the Tommy Dreamer stuff with Jimmy Snuka from last week. They had the foresight to cut the solid 60 seconds of Snuka barking at Dreamer and just stick to the many Superfly Splashes part of their confrontation.
Match 3: Mr. Hughes (w/ Jason) vs. Hack Meyers
“Hack Meyers totally sucks and has no chance in this match!” says Joey Styles. The match is not competitive in the least. Hughes dominates. Hitting a decent looking drop kick at one point before finally finishing off Meyers with the sidewalk slam for the win.
Winner: Mr. Hughes
The actual match was fine. It was a short squash match to build up Hughes before he faces Hawk and has all his offense no sold. Styles commentary on this was so goddamn annoying. Yes, I know Meyers is losing here. We all did, but don’t shit all over him it does nothing for his credibility or the credibility of anyone who faces him later. “Why should we care that Tommy Dreamer beats Hack Meyers? He is apparently the drizzling shits. Hell, I could probably beat him!”
Meanwhile in the ECW Command Center…
Joey Styles tells us that at a recent ECW event Jay Sulli was interviewing Sandman and Peaches when they were interrupted by Jason, The Pitbull, and The Rockin’ Rebel.
Down in the Ring (and at Some Point in History)…
Sulli is asking Sandman something, but the audio’s shit so I have no clue what they’re even talking about. Jason and Co. appear and starting talking but again, shit audio, no clue what they’re saying. Styles opines that Miss Peaches could probably take out Jason herself.
Suddenly the Rockin’ Rebel throws some sort of liquid into the Sandman’s face. Apparently this blinds him and while blind he backhands Peaches in the face. He recovers from his blindness and then is like, “Meh whateves…Peaches got pimp slapped.”
“Ironman” Tommy Cairo shows up and helps her to the back as the Sandman walks to the locker room like ten steps ahead of them.
Match 4: The Bruise Brothers vs. Johnny Hotbody & Tony Stetson
Hotbody and Stetson are still not on the same page about things. Hotbody gets tossed from the ring right off the bat and the Harris boys start wailing on Stetson. Hotbody takes his time getting back onto the ring apron. When he finally does the Harris/Bruise brothers let Stetson go to the corner to make the tag, but Hotbody won’t tag in.
Stetson gets fed up and nails Hotbody and then throws him into the ring before leaving. Hotbody gets destroyed with a double big boot and the Bruise Brothers pick up the win.
Winners: The Bruise Brothers
Much like the Hotbody vs. Chad Austin match from last week, this match is more about the feud between Stetson and Hotbody than the actual match that took place. They could have thrown any tag team in their in place of the Bruise Bros. and have told the same story. So as a stand alone match it was just okay.
Kevin Sullivan/Tazmaniac vs. The Young Dragons. The Public Enemy And The Bruiser Come Out And They Brawl With Sullivan/Tazmaniac
Match 5: Kevin Sullivan & Tazmaniac (w/ Woman) vs. The Young Dragons
The Young Dragons are dudes in karate gis with masks on. The internet tells me that they are Mikey Whipwreck and Paul Lauria, but I’ve got no idea. Sullivan and Taz beat the fuck out of the two masked men to such an extent that the ref calls for the bell and DQs the champions for unnecessary roughness or something.
The Bruise Brothers hit the ring and wreck house on Taz and Sullivan, not because they want to help the Young Dragons, but just because they want to rumble with the champs. This brings out the Public Enemy who help the champs fight off the Bruise Brothers.
Joey Styles wonders if there’s some sort of alliance between the PE and the team of Sullivan and Taz, but an argument between the two teams quickly puts the kibosh on such talk.
Winners: The Young Dragons
I see now why they didn’t do the huge pull apart brawl with Douglas and Sabu at the end of the show now, since they pretty much ended the show with another giant melee. I’m guessing the Bruise Bros. and PE will both be gunning for the tag team titles after this and kind of wonder how they’ll go about doing it.
Meanwhile In Tod Gordon’s Office
The Public Enemy is rummaging through Tod Gordon’s desk looking for contracts to see who will get to face Sullivan and Taz for the tag team straps. They cut a promo on Sullivan and Taz saying that they’re going to beat them like dogs as the show goes off the air.
Kind of an average show. A bunch of squash matches and matches that never even really happened, but they’ve moved a bunch of storylines along. The main event scene had another wrinkle added to it today when Sabu attacked. Sandman seems poised for a heel turn (or at least a guy who hates his wife turn since this is ECW and such things might not count as the actions of a heel). The Stetson/Hotbody feud continues to develop and the tag team title scene is pretty solid.