Month: March 2017
Pre-Show Saturday Night Slam
Todd Pettengill is at home I guess. He has cardboard cutouts of Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels in his living room that he greets when he sees them. His life seems the saddest. He has a giant pizza and sacks of snacks and a million cans of Coke to watch a mid-90s In Your House PPV alone.
A pair of women with lesbian haircuts who clearly hate Pettengill join him later as he highlights the most important matches of the upcoming show. This is actually pretty helpful if like me you are randomly watching an In Your House PPV from 1995 in 2017 completely devoid of context aside from some vague recollection of stuff you’d might have seen on TV 22 years ago. If it was 1995 and you’d been watching it as it happened and had been following WWF from week to week the only thing of any importance that happens here is Gorilla Monsoon talking about how Shawn Michaels had been attacked by a gang in Syracuse several weeks early and might not be able to compete but assured us an Intercontinental Championship match would take place. Oh shit this is that PPV?
Todd Pettengill wraps things up by shoving pizza in the face of a little girl who randomly appeared and the show gets underway.
We kick things off with a recap of the action from last week which is helpful for me because I last watched LU like four or five months ago. From there we head to the Temple for action!
Danny Trejo is ringside as King Cuerno makes his way to the ring. Tonight Cuerno is going up against Super Fly in his first Lucha Underground match.
Lance Catamaran has had enough of this bush league broadcasting.
“You won’t be facing me! You’ll be facing my creature from the sea! I call him the Sea Creature!”
“THEY WORK HARD FOR THE CHICKENS! WE EAT CHICKENS!”
ULTIMATE JEOPARDY! Highlights of the event are shown during the cold open. It looks like it was basically War Games with competitors entering one at a time. Looks like the order of the entrants was Taz and Rocco Rock to start followed by Johnny Grunge, Kevin Sullivan, Mr. Hughes, Terry Funk, Shane Douglas, and Hawk.
The highlight reel was pretty good and I liked how they’d edit in one of the earlier Tod Gordon or Matty Indahouse hype videos to announce what each dude’s stipulation for losing was as that competitor came out.
We get the ending of the match that saw Mr. Hughes and Shane Douglas alone in the cage with Terry Funk. Douglas ties a plastic bag over Funk’s head and hitting him with a pile driver to pick up the win. Due to the pre-match stipulation this means that Shane Douglas is now the ECW Heavyweight Champion!
We kick things off with the closing moments of last week’s main event in which saw Taz besting Sabu in a fairly contested bout of grappling to become ECW TV Champion…wait that’s not how it went down? The ending was an overbooked mess in which Kevin Sullivan appeared to stop Paul Heyman from waffling Woman with a Zack Morris cellphone thus distracting Sabu an allowing Taz to pick up the win? Umm…ECW? ECW? ECW?
Paul Heyman is here to hype up the main event between the TV Champion, Sabu, and the human suplex machine, The Tazmaniac before we get the opening video.
In the ECW Command Center…
Joey Styles welcomes us to the show and runs down the card. We get a double main event tonight. In addition to the match Heyman announced at the top of the program, we also have a six man tag team match pitting Shane Douglas & The Public Enemy against Terry Funk, Kevin Sullivan and Hugh “Crash” Morris. Joey then tosses it to Douglas and the PE who are standing by in an unfinished basement.
I love that Bayley is sporting “Make a Difference” Fatu’s jacket these days.
“9-1-1! 9-1-1!” the crowd screams. Paul Heyman gives the fans what they want.
Match 1: 911 (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Mikey Whipwreck & Paul Lauria
Double choke slam and pin in mere seconds. More choke slams come post-match. “Security” or ring crew guys hit the ring to try to get Whipwreck and Lauria out, but 911 choke slams the fuck out of them too. The crowd is absolutely losing their shit over this and the opening video rolls…
I still don’t get 911. Like I understand what he is and stuff, but do not get why he is so over here. He’s probably the most over guy on the entire roster which is just insane to me.