ECW (January 4, 1994)

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We kick off 1994 with a new extended opening credits reel. Man alive is this thing long. I’m curious what non-licensed song they used originally because on the WWE Network it’s replaced with generic butt rock.

We join Joey Styles in the ECW Command Center and he welcomes us and hypes the upcoming show on January 7th before throwing us to a highlight reel of Terry Funk’s year in ECW.

Highlight Package!

We get a rundown of Terry Funk’s 1993 in ECW. It’s pretty good if like me you randomly started watching from two weeks prior to this episode and missed Terry Funk’s heel turn.

Meanwhile in the Command Center…

Joey Styles hypes the championship match between Terry Funk and Shane Douglas and then tells us we’re going to get a look at how exactly Terry Funk became champion. Wait a second, I know how that happened. They showed us last week. They wouldn’t show us the exact same match would they?

Match 1: Terry Funk vs. Sabu

They would! This is the exact same video package they showed of the Holiday Hell match for the ECW Heavyweight Championship last week, maybe clipped even more (I didn’t notice the stuff with Funk randomly going to the back this time around).

Anyway I already wrote about it so I’m not going to write about it again. I did correct the sequence of some things in my original write-up that I had out of order since I was doing it from memory.

Winner: Still Terry Funk

I understand why they did this. It was 4 days after New Years and they probably didn’t run any shows after Holiday Hell. What else were they going to do? I probably wouldn’t have cared as much if I hadn’t seen the same match a day earlier.

Meanwhile in the Command Center…

Joey Styles is like, “Here’s a video package of Jason’s roughneck, Mr. Hughes…”

Video Package!

We get a video of Mr. Hughes wearing sunglasses and wrecking house on dudes while generic music that obviously replaced some unlicensed piece of music plays.

Highlight Package!

We are then treated to the very end of the Chad Austin/Pitbull match that they showed in its entirety the week before and the attack that took place on the Sandman after the match. This leads into one of the few new things appearing in this episode.

Meanwhile In Sandman’s Neighborhood…

Sandman is outside with Peaches in the middle of the night. He cuts a promo on The Pitbull and calls him garbage that he’s going to spit out. He says he hopes Mr. Hughes comes out during the match so he can send him back to the WWF and wraps it up by threatening Jason’s life. Jason then shows up in a sports car and inquires of the Sandman, “How do you like my car?”

Sandman leaps onto the back of the car as Jason speeds off into the night. ECW! ECW! ECW!

Back in the Command Center…

Jason shows up and asks Joey how he likes his suit and then says that he’s going to show Peaches that he can hang ten without a surfboard. Joey Styles loses his shit and is like, “Go to commercial or anything!”

Meanwhile With Some Asshole…

Apparently the asshole from last week is named Matty Indahouse or something like that. He hawks some merchandise here. Apparently if you order a Holiday Hell t-shirt before Friday you can get into the January 7th bout of grappling for half-price! That’s a pretty good deal!

Highlight Package!

We get another highlight package, this time detailing Shane Douglas’ 1993 in ECW. He was part of the Dangerous Alliance and was given Sherri Martel as a valet but then got turned on by Paul Heyman and Sabu. He randomly feuded with Tommy Dreamer for reasons that weren’t that clear in the video package and then helped Terry Funk win the championship. All in all a busy year for the Franchise, Shane Douglas.

Meanwhile With Matty Indahouse…

Matty Indahouse is back (with different clothes) plugging the January 7th show again. Paul Heyman shows up and is like, “You forgot this match and this match and this match…but the only match I care about is the one match you hyped already.” He then delivers more or less the same promo from last week about how he’s going to take a special interest in the Funk vs. Douglas title match and may have a surprise for “one, the other, or both.” He wraps it up by saying that when all is said and done Funk is going to be as useless as a woman from Philly and then bails.

Matty Indahouse is like, “ECW, we’re not for everybody™! If what that horrible man said offended you, we’re not sorry. We’re not sorry…we’re sorry.” I don’t really get it, but I think this, like Jason’s “How do you like my (insert luxury good here)?” was an attempt creating catchphrases.

Anyway the show closes with some highlights of the episode, which is to say, highlights of highlights and then some graphics show the card for January 7th.

Final Thoughts

This is more or less one you can skip. The only new content was Sandman’s promo plus Joey and Company plugging a house show that happened 23 years ago. Everything was highlight reels or matches that they’d show more completely the week before. I’m assuming that because of the house show the next episode should at least have some new material.

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