We’re in a high school gym in Jellico, TN for Smoky Mountain Wrestling! The hosts for this shindig are Bob Caudle and “Dirty” Dutch Mantell. Dutch isn’t fucking around and draws a name out of a hat for the Beat the Champ Challenge right away.
He draws Larry Santo so the match is going to be Santo going up against the TV Champ, Robbie Eagle. Larry Santo appears with Chris Candido and Candido says he’s going to give Santo a five minute wrestling lesson in the locker room which will be more than enough for him to beat Robbie Eagle.
Match 1: Well Dunn vs. Bobby Blaze & Anthony Michaels
This is Well Dunn’s debut in Smoky Mountain. According to commentary they’d already been in the WWF prior to this. I vaguely remember them being in that super shitty Royal Rumble but other than that recall little of the work of Messrs. Well and Dunn in the WWF. The audience begins chanting “faggot” at them almost instantly.
Blaze avoids a clothesline from Well and armdrags him. Lots of armdrags in this match. Michaels tags in and gets double-backdropped for a two count. Michaels is apparently just out of the Smoky Mountain Wrestling school so he doesn’t have the experience yet.
Blaze has enough of Michaels inexperience and comes in to wreck house on Well Dunn, but the ref admonishes him so Well Dunn double-team Michaels. Well hits a forearm and picks up the win.
Post match Well Dunn compliment one another and then declare that Smoky Mountain has some of the best tag teams so they decided to head down to get the gold.
Winners: Well Dunn
A decent squash match to establish Well Dunn as a team to be reckoned with…which is a weird sentence to type. Like I said, before I really don’t remember them doing anything in the WWF beside being the shitty 1995 Royal Rumble. Maybe in Smoky Mountain they’ll get a chance to shine!
Match 2: Dirty White Boy & “Prime Time” Brian Lee
This match took place at the earlier Sunday Bloody Sunday event and we join the match already in progress. This is a chain match for the SMW Championship.
The White Boy is already busted open as we join the match and Brian Lee seems to be in control of the match. Brian Lee begins touching the corners, but the Dirty White Boy touches each corner as well (because that’s what happens in literally every chain or strap match with the “Touch All Four Corners” stipulation).
Tammy Fytch (aka Sunny) sees this taking place and comes in with a can of hairspray to ruin Dirty White Boy’s shit, but the ref stops her. As she and the ref are jawing with one another Ron Wright gets in the ring and kicks “Prime Time” in the dome.
Dirty White Boy touches the final corner to become champion.
Winner: Dirty White Boy
It’s clipped so I’m not really all about it, but maybe it’s alright since strap matches are generally kind of anti-climactic.
We get footage of some house show match between Dirty White Boy and Brian Lee. There’s a stipulation that if Brian Lee loses, the Dirty White Girl gets a match with Tammy Fytch. Lee loses the match, but knocks out the Dirty White Girl in the process.
Fytch demands the match between her and the Dirty White Girl start immediately. She pins the unconscious woman while Referee Mark Curtis makes the count with a look of disdain upon his face.
Meanwhile With Bob…
The Dirty White Boy and Girl are there and they are hot! Dirty White Boy announces that he and the Dirty White Girl are going to take on Brian Lee and Tammy Fytch in a mixed tag team match.
Match 3: “The Bullet” Bob Armstrong vs. Terry Funk
This is also from Sunday Bloody Sunday and we join the match already in progress. Terry Funk has Armstrong laid out on a heap of chairs in the middle of the ring. FMW did this spot a ton back in the 90s.
Anyway Funk goes up to the top rope and hits a fucking moonsault onto Armstrong and the chair heap. He makes the pin and then the ref begins to count as both men try to get to their feet. Oh, this is a Texas Deathmatch.
Both men are back up. Armstrong hits a back bodydrop sending Funk into the chair heap and the follows up with a DDT into the heap of chairs. He makes the pin and both men are down. Armstrong staggers to his feet, but Funk can’t answer the ten count. Armstrong is the winner and apparently commissioner of SMW.
Dory Funk Jr. shows up and helps his brother beat up The Bullet. The announcers can’t decide if they branded him or hit him with a cane, but it matters little. Jim Cornette gets in the ring and wails on Armstrong with a tennis racket and then demands that Armstrong kiss his feet, which apparently was a stipulation of Armstrong getting the match at all or something.
Before the shame of kissing a fat man’s feet can take place, Tracy Smothers and Anthony Michaels hit the ring and chase off the Funks and Jim Cornette.
Winner: Bob “The Bullet” Armstrong
This looked like it was probably a pretty good brawl, but clipped here it’s just kind of meh.
Meanwhile at Titan Towers Smoky Mountain Shopping Center Office Space…
Commissioner Bob Armstrong fires the corrupt SMW board member who was helping Jim Cornette and kicks him out of the building. He then accepts a challenge issued for a handicap match between him and the team of Dick Murdoch and Jim Cornette.
Cornette gets word that Armstrong has accepted the challenge but he’s pissed off and calls Armstrong corrupt, but says that Murdoch beat Armstrong before so he’s not worried about the match.
Meanwhile With Bob…
Tracy Smothers and Robbie Eagle come out. Tracy waves around a “check for $2,500″ and says that he’s confident that Eagle will beat Santo and wants to make a side wager with Chris Candido about the outcome of the match later that night.
Fuck! It’s Jeff Jarrett…
Jeff Jarrett has a video package saying he’ll be at the Armstrong Family Reunion on March 10th. I hate Jeff Jarrett. He ruins everything.
Down and Dirty With Dr. Dutch Mantell…
Dutch tells us SMW has signed what is sure to be one of the greatest tag teams of the 90s, the Thrillseekers. Oh shit it’s Lance Storm and Chris Jericho. Lance Storm looks exactly the same, but Chris Jericho looks so young here.
They were great champions in Canada but have forfeited the Canadian Tag Team Championship to come to SMW where all the best teams are like the Rock n’ Roll Express and Well Dunn…all the best teams.
They sign on the dotted line and Bob Armstrong signs and welcomes them to SMW. They’ll be debuting in SMW soon.
Meanwhile With Bob…
Tammy Fytch shows up and throws a tantrum about how she’s not a wrestler and she doesn’t want to get bitten by the Dirty White Girl and get rabies. Brian Lee carries her away.
Match 4: Rock n’ Roll Express vs. The Heavenly Bodies
This is from some other time and some other location. We’re in the closing minutes of a match for the SMW Tag Team Championship with a one hour time limit. I think it’s a two falls out of three match. It’s all tied up at one fall apiece. The time expires and the Heavenly Bodies retain their titles.
This looked like it was probably a decent match. The last couple minutes were a flurry of pinfall attempts with Mark Curtis flying all over the place trying to make the count, but showing the last two minutes was kind of stupid. They could have just gone straight to the Rock n’ Roll Express and have them be like, “We went sixty minutes and it was a goddamn draw!” or whatever and given the time spent showing this otherwise meaningless match to some other match.
The Rock n’ Roll Express talk about how they could have gone another hour while the Bodies were sucking air and so, they challenge them to a Marathon Match, which sounds like what the WWF would later call an Iron Man Match. The match will be an hour and whoever has the most pinfalls at the end of that time will be the winner.
Meanwhile With Bob…
The Heavenly Bodies and Jim Cornette accept the match and say that the women of Tennessee know that the Heavenly Bodies can go 60 minutes. Ew…gross! Look at the Heavenly Bodies! Look at that dude’s teeth! They’re horrible!
Jim Cornette promises the end result of the match will be 14-0 in favor of the Bodies. Why 14 Jim? How did you come up with that number?
Match 6. Robbie Eagle (w/ Tracy Smothers) vs. Larry Santo (w/ Chris Candido)
Your Beat the Champ TV Championship match for the evening! Apparently Candido has accepted Tracy Smothers’ side action and they hand checks to the ref.
The match gets underway with Santo slamming Eagle hard. He goes for a corner charge but misses allowing Eagle to take control of the match. Eagle works the arm but this pisses off Santo who chops the fuck out of Eagle, hitting him with one of the loudest chops I’ve heard and then bites him.
Santo goes on the attack and pounds Eagle down and then clearly botches something because there’s a random shot of some kid’s face for like 10 seconds.
On the outside Candido attacks Eagle. Eagle tries for a sunset flip back into the ring. Candid gets on the ring apron and grabs Santo by the wrists to prevent him from getting caught in the dreaded sunset flip. This brings Tracy Smothers in to kick Santo’s arms in clear sight of the ref.
The ref’s like, “Whatever mang,” and Eagle rolls up Santo for the win. He’s $1,000 richer and Tracy Smothers is $2,500 richer.
Winner: Robbie Eagle
This was a pretty okay match for guys I’m pretty sure were just job guys. The stuff with the side bet, while kind of corny gave the match some additional plot stuff to work with so that was pretty good.
Meanwhile With Lex Luger…
Lex Luger is somewhere in the WWF but says he’s excited to go to Georgia to see all the great fans at the Armstrong Family Reunion. I think he’s the Narcissist here still, so I don’t think he means it.
Meanwhile With Bob…
Candido wants a match so he can get his check back. Smothers comes out and is like, “I’ll let you know next week if I’ll give you a chance to make your money back.” Candido freaks out and Bob and Dutch tell us about the matches we’ve got scheduled for the following week.
I would have preferred less clipped matches and more just “here’s 10 seconds of whatever happened at this house show,” during the dudes’ promos. Maybe then we could have gotten another random match.
I like the Beat the Champ concept but the hat thing seemed really low rent. Get one of those lottery tumbler things dudes!
Will I watch more Smoky Mountain? Probably. I mean I’ll at least watch the remaining four or five episodes that are up on the Network, but beyond that? Definitely maybe.