Terry Funk vs. Vampiro (WCW Monday Nitro May 29, 2000)

Terry Funk defends his WCW Hardcore Championship against Vampiro in a hardcore, no disqualification match that ends in a no contest when Vampiro douses the Funker in gasoline and tries to set him on fire. Sting comes in to make the save and Vampiro fucks off. WCW 2000!

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“Hardwork” Bobby Walker vs. Rick Fuller (WCW Worldwide January 17, 1998)

Back in the 90s I loved me some WCW B and C Shows mostly because they’d have the most batshit insane matchups of all time. Want to see Macho Man take on Ultimo Dragon? Want to watch former ECW stalwarts wrestle the highest flying luchadors Mexico had to offer? Worldwide, Pro, and Saturday Night were the places to be.

But beyond those weird “Yeah, Booker T wrestled Robbie Brookside on an episode of Saturday Night” matches that happened you’d also get bizarre “enhancement talent” vs. “enhancement talent” bouts that were oddly engaging.

Here we have “Hardwork” Bobby Walker taking on one of WCW enhancement hosses, Rick Fuller. Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan have an uncomfortable conversation in which Tony tells Brain that “Hardwork” Bobby Walker isn’t related to “Hardbody” Harrison (another black enhancement guy) and it seemed like he was about 3 seconds away from declaring that Bobby Heenan thinks all black people look alike, but I digress.

Fuller’s the bigger man and had at this point gotten some B and C show victories under his belt so he’s my pick to win. Bobby “The Brai” Heenan says that Fuller should wrestle on Nitro though since that’s where the real international talent is and goes on to compare Rick Fuller to a horse as the match gets underway.

Fuller gets some offense in before “Hardwork” goes to town. He outquicks Fuller and even gets the big man up in a power slam before pinning him: one, two, three for the upset victory.

Xanta Klaus (WWF 1995)

Before becoming one half of the The Hardcore Chair Swingin’ Freaks, Balls Mahoney had a stint in the WWF where he played a villainous version of Santa Claus named Xanta Klaus who lived at the South Pole and once a year roamed the Earth stealing presents from people.

He appeared a handful of times, allying himself with Ted DiBiase and messing with Savio Vega before disappearing from television and never being mentioned again when people realized that an evil Santa Claus was a stupid idea that at best only worked for a month out of the year.