Lucha Underground begins with a masked man saving dude wearing a hoodie from a beatdown in an alley and then giving some awesome voice-over history lesson about the Seven Mystical Aztec Tribes and how they started lucha libre. The old man in the mask asks the hoodie guy, “Will you join us?” Hoodie guy seems to be into it. It’s time for Lucha Underground!
Meanwhile in Mexico…
A real sleazy businessman by the name of, Dario Cueto shows up at Triplemania and dumps out a briefcase of money to try and convince the AAA luchadors to come fight for him in America.
To The Temple…
Matt Striker and Vampiro are our Lucha Underground announce team. They’ve got a band to pump up the crowd too. Dario Cueto comes out, because apparently every modern day wrestling program has to begin with a promo by the defacto authority figure. The crowd boos him as he comes out. Vampiro says because he’s Spanish, not Mexican, and that’s why the people aren’t feeling him.
Dario gives a brief speech saying, “I’ve opened my doors to the best fighters from all over the world. And I’m going to give them the opportunity to either kick ass or get their ass kicked. Because this is not a stadium where children can cheer for their heroes. This is a temple, my temple, where we honor ancient traditions like courage, honor, and my personal favorite, violence.“ He then says that the luchador who impressed him the most that night would receive a signing bonus of $100,000 which he has in a ransom/drug deal briefcase.
Match 1: Blue Demon Jr. vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
The first two men to do combat in the Temple represent the history and tradition of lucha libre. Blue Demon Jr.’s been wrestling since the mid-80s and was a one time NWA Champion. Chavo Guerrero Jr. is Eddie Guerrero’s nephew and has wrestled pretty much everywhere.
The two work a slower paced lucha match which makes sense since both dudes are in their forties. Arm drags are the order of the day as the match begins. Both dudes get some offense in and Demon sells a knee injury.
Both men go up to the top turnbuckle with Chavo looking to hit an INCREDIBLE MANEUVER, but Demon reverse whatever he was going for into a powerbomb and then gets him in some sort of submission hold. Chavo taps out.
Winner: Blue Demon Jr.
A decent enough opening bout. Demon and Guerrero are probably the two biggest names associated with Lucha Underground in Mexico and America respectively, so it makes sense to put them on early. The match was pretty short which is fine since, like I said above, both guys are in their 40s here.
Konnan is in Dario Cueto’s office. He got fat and has a cane. I don’t know if the cane is just an affectation or if he actually needs it to walk because of fatness related bum knees.
Dario’s all like, “Konnan I’m glad you want to work for me…” and Konnan’s all like, “Yo jefe I don’t know about this working for you shit, but I do know I’m interested in all the dinero you’re tossin’ around esse. You said you want the best fighters in the world? I got the best fighter in the world and he’s got it like that. His name is Prince Puma and his from right here in the barrio.”
Dario’s like, “Yeah maybe, but I just signed the biggest free agent in the world, Johnny Mundo. He’s cocky and arrogant and I only signed him to make an example out of him because he doesn’t respect the Temple. If your man, Prince Puma’s really got it like that and can teach Mundo a lesson the $100,000 can be his…and yours of course.”
While Prince Puma fights in a dingy ring somewhere (most likely “right here in the barrio”) Konnan talks about how Aztecs used to cut off the heads of their opponents and that’s why masks are so important to luchdors. Puma is apparently directly descended from these Aztec warriors and his spirit animal is “You guessed it…a puma a jaguar.”
Johnny Mundo is doing pull-ups. Hey, it’s former WWE Superstar, John Morrison!
Match 2: Son of Havoc vs. Sexy Star
Son of Havoc has a jobber’s entrance and looks like a Disciples of Apocalypse cosplayer with a Charlie Brown from Outta Town mask/beard combo. Sexy Star meanwhile comes down to the ring waving this gigantic silver cape/wings deal about. Striker talks about the importance of pomp and pizzazz in lucha libre. As Sexy Star gets in the ring we get a…
Sexy Star delivers a promo in English about how she grew up abused and contemplated suicide but was saved by her mask and through lucha libre learned that women could be as strong and tough as men and that when she fights she fights to show every girl that they don’t have to be afraid.
Back In The Ring…
Son of Havoc is like, “F this, I’m not wrestling a woman. Sexy Star I’ll let you get out of MY ring and get a count out so you can live to fight another day.” Sexy kind of shrugged and headed out of the ring and ref started the count, but she quickly returned to the ring and the match was on.
Sexy Star gets some flashy, high-flying offense in in the beginning but Havoc puts a stop to that with some power moves, hitting her with a backbreaker and then pinning her. According to Striker Havoc grabbed her tights but it didn’t really look like he did.
Winner: Son of Havoc
Another quick match that seemed more designed to remind people that intergender wrestling is a thing than anything else. Sexy Star and Havoc both looked pretty good in the match but I thought the ending was kind of crap, especially when preceded by Sexy Star’s “women are as tough as men!” promo thing.
Chavo is sad and sweaty. Dario Cueto comes in and is all like, “Your Uncle Eddie is in hell…and also your match against Blue Demon Jr. was shit. You let everyone down by tapping out Chavo. I wanted Blue Demon Jr. taken out but you couldn’t get the job done. No $100,000 for you Chavo.” Dario rubs his nose like he just did all the cocaine and is like, “Whatever Chavo, you suck at retiring Blue Demon Jr., but it’s cool next week I’ll bring in someone who can get the job done, but once he’s here nothing will be able to stop him…one thousand deaths might be coming for us all.”
Match 3: Prince Puma vs. Johnny Mundo
Mundo and Puma work a fun, quick match with lots of flips and spins and aerial maneuvers that “The Professor” Mike Tenay would have had a hard time calling. Both men got a chance to showcase their abilities. Lots of “THIS IS AWESOME!” chants from the audience. Mundo hits the C4 and Starship Pain (which is apparently called Fin del Mundo now) to pick up the win.
After the match the two men shake hands and Puma hold Mundo’s hand up and gives him a thumbs up and Mundo returns the gesture in a nice display of sportsmanship and respect.
Dario Cueto then comes down to the ring with his briefcase of $100,000. He gets on the mic and says, “Congratulations, Johnny. You’ve earned this.” He opens the briefcase and as Johnny approaches to collect his bonus, Dario quickly closes it.
A couple of dudes, that Vampiro refers to as “gangbangers,” hit the ring and start wrecking house on Mundo. Puma tries to help him but they brawl him too. ECW Champion, Ezekiel Jackson, shows up and lays out Puma.
Dario Cueto gets back on the mic and is like, “I scouted out the best fighters in the world…these guys work for me!” and then hands them the crime briefcase containing $100,000.
WE’RE OUTTA TIME! WE GOTTA GO!
While not perfect, this was still a pretty fun hour of wrestling during which there were no boring parts. Everything moved at a decent clip and flowed together nicely.
The matches were pretty good. Mundo vs. Puma was clearly the bout of the night as the other two bouts seemed more designed to demonstrate how Lucha Underground would be different than WWE or TNA than anything else.
I really liked the backstage segments as well. They had a more cinematic feel and was a lot more tolerably than similar segments in WWE. I thought the video packages were really well put together as well and helped to flesh out the motivations of some of the wrestlers I wasn’t familiar with.
Definitely a promotion worth following.