WCW New Blood Rising (August 13, 2000)

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We’re in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Outside the arena fans are yelling a bunch of bullshit. The announce team is Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden and Scott Hudson. This is going to be so terrible isn’t it?

Match 1: 3 Count (w/ Tank Abbott) vs. Jung Dragons

3 Count are out first with Tank Abbott.  They open the show with a rendition of their “hit” song “Do The 3 Count,” with Tank Abbott on lead vocals.  It’s terrible and dumb, but it’s the fun kind of terrible and dumb.

Jung Dragons come out next for some three on three spotfeset action. Hanging above the ring are a gold record and a recording contract.  If the Jung Dragons can get both then 3 Count can never record music again. If 3 Count obtains both…they get their stolen gold record back and can keep recording.  Yes, the premise is kind of stupid, but for a feud between low card trios it’s not the worst thing ever.

The match starts off as a traditional tag match before everyone involve realizes, “Oh yeah this is a multi-man ladder match…what the fuck are we doing?” and bring in ladders and double and triple team moves.

Yang brings the first ladder into the ring and sets it up in the corner. A moment later he backdrops Shannon Moore into the ladder for a bump that looks painful as fuck.  Shannon Moore goes for a pin a second later and the announcers shit all over him for it.  “What the fuck is he trying to pin a dude in a multi-man ladder match for? LOL!”

The ladder gets wedged in the corner and all three Dragons are stacked on it. Shannon gets catapulted on top of the heap of Jung Dragons. It’s a pretty stupid move that probably seemed cooler when they were talking about it backstage before the match than it actually turned out to be.

Jamie does a dive from the top of the ladder to the floor.  There are a bunch of spots that are similar to things the Hardys were doing in WWE at the time.  The bumps look painful as fuck since half of them are happening up against the ropes and shit.

A pair of ladders are set up in the ring, and after Noble hits a super rana the Jung Dragons climb up and deliver MISTIMED STEREO LADDER SPLASHES!

Noble goes up and snags the record but they apparently need the contract as well, so Tank Abbott comes in to wreck house, but gets laddered by Yang and Kaz.  Some more back and forth between the two teams follows.  Tank ends up with the gold record.

Shane Helms and Kaz both scramble up ladders going for the contract.  Tank gets back in the ring and proceeds to tip over Shane Helms’ ladder for no goddamn reason.  It’s not a swerve or a double cross or anything because he knocks of Kaz’s ladder at the same time and then goes back to dancing ringside.

Evan Karagias eventually goes up and gets the contract. Since Tank physically has possession of the record, I guess that means 3 Count get to keep the record and keep singing. Tank dances away to the back, not even bothering to celebrate with 3 Count.

Winners: Apparently 3 Count

This is probably the best match of the night.  It might sound like an awful mess, but it was pretty entertaining, and there was more or less a clean finish to the match.  WWE was doing way better ladder based tag team spotfests around this time, but this is a perfectly serviceable match.

Meanwhile Backstage…

The Filthy Animals suck up to WCW Commissioner Ernest Miller.  Why is Ernest Miller the Commissioner?  I don’t know! Anyway they promise to help him win his upcoming match if Miller lets them serve as special referees during some kind of multi-team tag team match for the championships.  Miller agrees and kicks them out of his office.  Disco Inferno quotes Vanilla Ice.

Match 2: Great Muta vs. Ernest Miller

Why the fuck is Muta in 2000 WCW?  What beef does he have with Ernest Miller?  I don’t know!  It doesn’t really matter because a few moments after the match begins Scott Hudson let’s us all know that there is “legit heat,” between Miller and Muta.  I guess “legit heat” is as good a reason as any to have a wrestling match.

Tygress of the Flithy Animals strolls out in the early going of the match. “Maybe this is part of the plot,” says one of the announcers. Maybe it is…fucking jackass. As a match this is pretty blah and if this was the only Great Muta match a person had seen they’d be like, “What’s so great about Muta?”

Muta pretty much halfasses it throughout the entire match but I can’t really blame him since he’s just fighting Ernest Miller in the second match of a card over “legit heat.” He kind of halfheartedly works Miller’s leg for awhile and then AW YE YE!  GREEN MIST!

Tygress goes up to the top rope and comes down hitting Muta with a chairshot off the top rope. Miller goes for a pin. Two count. That would have been such a WCW 2000 ending to have the Great Muta get laid out by a Nitro Girl, but it isn’t to be. A minute later Miller hits the Feliner and the Great Muta’s down for a three count.

Winner: Ernest Miller

Boring, overbooked garbage. These two men can actually wrestle and on top of that they had legit heat! They should have just gone at it, but no!  We get a ref bump and a Nitro Girl with a chair taking out one of the all time greats in a six minute garbage match.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Buff is looking for his mom.  Wait a second…is this what I think it is?

Match 3: “Positively” Kanyon vs. Buff Bagwell

Fuck, it is.  It’s the fucking Judy Bagwell on a pole match.  She’s not even on a pole she’s on a forklift that Kanyon (in his fake DDP gimmick drives out to ringside). Kanyon says “Bro,” about 9,000 times as he shits on Canada and calls Buff’s mom a “big, fat battle axe,” and then says that since no one could find a pole big enough for her, he was changing the match to a Judy Bagwell on a Forklift match.

Bagwell comes out and tries to lower the forklift but Kanyon starts pounding on him.  They fight into the crowd.  Judy Bagwell is yelling a bunch of shit. Buff apparently forgot about his mom and randomly starts dancing mid match. Clearly no one has any idea how to win a Judy Bagwell on a Forklift (née Pole) Match because they are going for pin falls and the ref is counting them.  Aren’t pole matches usual won by getting whatever’s on the pole down off the pole? This seems more like those old Jim Crockett Promotions matches where James J. Dillon would get locked in a tiny cage that was then hoisted over the ring.

Kanyon cuts the cover off the turnbuckle and the announce team are playing up that one time Buff broke his neck. Kanyon is working the neck and goes to dump Buff on the exposed turnbuckle ends up being the one to eat steel, not that it really matters, because…BANG! KANYON KUTTER!

Buff kicks out and DDP’s music starts to play.  Kanyon looks worried for a second, but it’s not Diamond Dallas Page…it’s former WCW World Heavyweight Champion, David Arquette, dressed like a total asshole!  Arquette picks up a hardhat from the forklift and comes to ringside.

Arquette awkwardly stands on the ring apron for a bit while Bagwell takes Kanyon down. This causes Arquette to come in. He doesn’t really do anything and Bagwell takes him and Kanyon down with a double blockbuster. He pins Kanyon for three and the lowers his mom from the forklift.  He and his mom head to the back.

Kanyon then gets the second biggest pop of the night (Lance Storm reminding the audience in Vancouver that he too was Canadian was the biggest pop of the night) when he gives the Kanyon Kutter to Arquette. If I can say anything good about David Arquette’s in ring wrestling career it was that he could bump decently enough.

Winner: Buff Bagwell

Such a stupid, pointless gimmick. Having Judy Bagwell on a forklift had absolutely nothing to do with the match at all. The announcers kept saying that if Kanyon won Judy Bagwell would have to be his Kimberly Page. They’ve had matches like that before and since where the winner of a match got the services of the loser (or their valet) as a servant for a month or whatever and they’ve never had a forklift before.

If you’re going to bring a forklift up to the side of the ring for a match use it! Do an elbow drop off the top or lower it on to a guy for a zany pinfall or something otherwise it’s just pointless.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Police lead in a blue and purple limo. It has Canadian flags on it!  It’s an official Canadian vehicle!  Who could be inside?!  I don’t know! Oh wait I do know…it’s Lance Storm wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and requisite wrestler fanny pack.

The announcers then talk about how Goldberg was in a motorcycle accident in Sturgis last night and has not arrived, and it is not known if he will show up at all. Apparently Goldberg thought they were still doing Road Wild as the August PPV…

Match 4: Kronik (Brian Adams and Bryan Clark) vs. The Perfect Event (Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo) vs. Sean O’Haire and Mark Jindrak vs. The Misfits in Action (General Rection and Cpl. Cajun) for the WCW World Tag Team Championship

This match was the fucking drizzling shits.  An overbooked Russo clusterfuck where there were four referees who spent the entire match making sure Kronik didn’t win.

To make matters worse Konan was on commentary.  Here’s a sampling of Konan’s commentary stylings: “He’s got it like that,” “You know why he sucks?  He doesn’t got it like that.”  “It doesn’t matter who wins cuz we got it like that.”  “Got it like that.”

Anyway Disco is the main ref or something.  The remaining three Filthy Animals were ringside enforcers or some fucking bullshit who would randomly wail on dudes who went out of the ring, or prevent Kronik from going into the match.

Vampiro and Great Muta come out at one point and randomly kick a Kronik a couple times and then casually walk back up the ramp and leave, because this match wasn’t overbooked enough.

The match ended when Chavo Guerrero Jr. ran in, ripped the shirt off Disco Inferno and made himself referee.  He then proceeded to count Chuck Palumbo getting pinned by a Kronik.  Even in a bullshit Russo ending this makes no sense at all because Chavo was part of the Misfits in Action.  Why would he count a pinfall that prevented his buddies from winning?

A garbage ending to a garbage match.

Winners: Kronik (Retain Championship?)

I think Kronik were the champions going into the match but had had their belts stolen or something prior to the match.  It didn’t really make sense and the commentary wasn’t all that helpful.  I do, however, know that Kronik are big strong dudes though they don’t got it like that.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Mean Gene if he was a hot blonde with boobs and an inability to interview people talks to Jeff Jarrett about his upcoming match with Booker T.  Jeff Jarrett insinuates that the interview lady was fucking Mean “WOOOO! BY GOD! Gene for some reason.

Match 5: Billy Kidman vs. Shane Douglas (w/ Torrie Wilson) 

This is a strap match, but not a regular strap match where you have to touch all four corners of the ring.  Basically it’s just a regular match in which the two dudes are attached to one another with a strap.

Shane Douglas is out first clad in jeans and a t-shirt.  Billy Kidman, however, is a moron and comes to the ring in jorts and no shirt.  I guess Kidman is the face here since he released a sex tape of Torrie Wilson and Shane Douglas or something.

The match begins with a lot of attacks to the dick.  A bunch of shitty offense until Douglas hits Kidman with the Pittsburgh Plunge. Kidman kicks out, something that apparently no one has done before if the announce team is to be believed.  Torrie gets bumped and Kidman picks up the win with the Unprettier.

Post match, Kidman ties the strap to Torrie and whips her ass much to the delight of the Canadian crowd. It’s gross, but Shane Douglas puts a stop to it pretty quickly by hanging Kidman.  You know, straight up murder…

Big Vito runs in and makes the save chasing off Shane Douglas and preventing a murder for happening in the middle of a wrestling ring.  Reno appears a moment later and he and Vito fight for a bit before an Atomic Drop causes the man with the worst hair in pro-wrestling to run off.

Vito checks on Kidman and the match finally comes to an end.

Winner: Billy Kidman

This match was terrible and disgusting and I have no idea why Kidman was supposed to be a face in this.  He stole a sex tape and released it without the consent of either participant.  Made fun of Shane Douglas’ erectile dysfunction and straight up whipped a woman. I can’t say I really blame Douglas for trying to murder him.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Booker T arrives in a rental car. He’s the goddamn World Heavyweight Champion and he doesn’t even have a driver let alone a limo… Double J appears and attacks him, slamming the car door on Booker’s already injured leg all while calling him, “Boy.”

Match 6: Miss Hancock vs. Major Gunns

This is an ROTC Match (Rip Off The Camouflage/Clothes Match) or a bra and panties match with a mud pit for some reason.  The rules are really not clear since they start the match in the ring and attempt pin falls and stuff.  Neither woman is a wrestler, but they both try to actually wrestle rather than just go the “CATFIGHT!  CATFIGHT!” route.  So credit to Major Gunns and Miss Hancock for doing sunset flips and crossbody blocks instead of just pulling each other’s hair and slapping each other even if the moves were sloppy.

Miss Hancock misses a crossbody and momentarily holds her stomach, but a moment later she’s fine and stripping off clothes as the two women make their way to the mud pit.  Both women are in the mud.  I have no idea what is required to win this match.  Mark Madden utters the grossest line of the night as the two women roll about in the mud, “Ah yeah, oh yeah. Now girls, kiss and makeup. Do it for daddy.“

Hancock dances but again doubles over in pain.  Major Gunns goes for a pin and gets a three count.  Charles Robinson’s pants get all muddy as he halfheartedly counts the pin fall.  Post match Miss Hancock continues to cry.  Major Gunns starts crying too and is all like, “I didn’t do anything to her I swear.”

David Flair runs out of the back and jumps into the mud and a moment later EMTs arrive and put Miss Hancock onto a gurney and wheel her away.  The announce team is all like, “Now, there were a couple of times out here near the ring where was doubled over, but I thought that it was part of the match.”  Scott Hudson holds up a goddamn script and is like, “There’s nothing about that on this script.”  Fuck all of this.

Winner: Major Gunns

“Miss Hancock is really named Stacy Keibler and her holding her stomach isn’t part of the script folks.  We’re really worried about her.” I guess this match is priming us for the worked shoot Goldberg vs. Nash vs. Scott Steiner “Who’s Going Over” Threeway Dance later in the night.  It was a stupid ending to an already stupid match.

Also Mark Madden is fucking disgusting.  He acts like he’s never seen a nearly nude woman before in his life, which, I dunno, maybe he hasn’t.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Blonde Bosomy Lady Interviewer is with Muta, Vampiro, and the KISS Demon. Vampiro is going to make sure the KISS Demon has a heart black enough to be in the Dark Carnival tonight when the KISS Demon takes on the Man Called Sting later tonight!  Oh that’s the next match.  Get out there KISS Demon.

Meanwhile Somewhere Else Backstage…

Stacy gets loaded into an ambulance and. Tony gives us an update on her injury stating that, “It was not a part of the match.”  Also not part of the show?  David Flair jumping into the mud.  Worked shoots everyone!

Match 7: Sting vs. The Demon

Barely a match.  The KISS Demon comes out to the ring and then Sting comes down from the rafters hits like three moves and then pins the Demon.  The entire thing lasts all of about a 50 seconds.

After the match Muta and Vampiro come out and try to hang Sting with the rope he repelled down on. Second attempted hanging of the night!  Kronik comes out and makes the save.  Sting walks to the back with such a look of “Fuck this bullshit,” on his face as Kronik and The Dark Carnival brawl.  The KISS Demon seems to think Sting has the right idea and makes his way to the back as well leaving Muta and Vampiro to fend for themselves.

Kronik get on the mic and challenge Muta and Vampiro to a match for the tag team straps later that night.  Muta and Vampiro accept.  Hooray.

Winner: Sting

What a pointless match.  It seemingly only existed to get Sting on the card and set up some other match…and I guess bury the KISS Demon.

Meanwhile Backstage…

The trainer is tending to Booker T’s fucked over leg.  Will he be able to compete tonight? I don’t know!

Match 8: Mike Awesome vs. Lance Storm

Mike Awesome and his awesome mullet are out first. Canada does not care for Mister Awesome.

Lance Storm gets a Goldberg style entrance. The Canadian audience loves this boring dude with his stupid haircut. He cuts a long ass promo in the ring about how none of the Americans respect him and that he’s afraid of terrorist attacks in the back and how since this is Canada he wants the match to be contested under fair, Canadian rules and therefore need a special referee.

“BRET! BRET! BRET! BRET!” chants the crowd.

Lance Storm shakes his head. “The Mountie.”

The Mountie comes out in a referee shirt with a little book (apparently the official Canadian wrestling rules), and then he and Lance Storm and Mark “Daddy” Madden, and the entire audience sing “O Canada.” Before the match finally gets underway. I feel about 14 years older than I was at the start of this match.

Mike Awesome uses his awesomeness to dominate in the opening part of the match. He goes to the top rope for some sort of top rope maneuver but slips and falls. The fans laugh like Nelson from The Simpsons but Mike Awesome is awesome and is just like, “Fuck it,” and clotheslines Lance Storm’s head off.

Awesome hits a fucking brutal powerbomb and pins Storm. Lance kicks out but the bell rings anyway and the ref awards Mike Awesome the belt. The Mountie isn’t like, “Yo he kicked out restart the match,” because that would make too much sense, instead he’s like, “Yeah, that two count was totally three count but Canadian rules say you have to have a five count to win…so restart the match.”

Mere moments later Mike Awesome gets Storm in a dragon sleeper and Storm taps out. The ref gets the belt and hands it to Mike Awesome, but The Mountie is all like, “Wait up, Canadian rule #29-A states that a match cannot be won by a submission, only a five count.  Restart the match!”

The two go back and forth a bit getting three and four counts. Tony Schiavone chortles about these ludicrous stipulations and how he never thought he’d live to see the day when he would say, “Only a four count.”  Like dude weren’t Texas Death Matches/Last Man Standing Matches a thing? Certainly those would provide an opportunity to say, “Only a four count.”

Awesome hits a frog splash and covers Storm. Five count! New champion! “No,” says The Mountie, “Under Canadian rules a wrestler who has been pinned for a count of five has a count of ten to return to their feet before being declared loser.

Mike Awesome gets a chair and a table because ECW and puts Storm through the table with an ugly belly to belly superplex.  Both men are down. The Mountie makes up some bullshit about how in Canada after a table bump the winner is the first competitor who can get to his feet. He and the ref start a 10 count. The Mountie has the ref count for Storm while he counts for Awesome.

Awesome gets back to his feet but The Mountie lays him out. Storm gets up retaining his championship. The crowd goes wild! He and The Mountie hug and then some music starts. Bret Hart comes down to the ring and instead of being like “Lance Storm and Mountie that was some fucking bullshit!” he hugs them as they celebrate Storm’s hard fought victory.

Winner: Lance Storm (Championship Retained)

This was so bad and bad in the stupidest way.  The actual match was put together fine, but to do this match in Canada where people like Canadian athletes and will cheer for them regardless of what they do was stupid. It didn’t get Lance over as a heel, it just made him look weak, which is doubly stupid because since Lance Storm’s debut they’d been building him into this dominating force. He’d won three championships in the three weeks since he debuted in WCW, so to have him have to cheat to win like this undid all that work without anything being gained since the Canadian audience still cheered him.

They weren’t even changing the belt so Storm and Awesome could have had a straight match without all the bullshit except maybe that first “was it a three count, no he kicked out restart the match,” bit to set up a rematch (”I had you beat but the fuckin’ Mountie restarted the match!”) and Storm could stand tall as a hero, keep the belt, and not look like a coward in his home country while Mike Awesome wouldn’t look like a chump and the two could have the Canadian rules comedy rematch in America where the audience would have been more likely to eat it up.

Meanwhile Backstage…

The Blonde Lady With Boobs is with Kevin Nash.  Nash is all like, “Yo I knew Goldberg wouldn’t show up.  Whatever.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m going over Steiner, tonight.”

Match 9: Vampiro & The Great Muta vs. KroniK © for the WCW World Tag Team Championship

The beginning of this isn’t really great, but the bullshit is kept to a minimum. Kronik toss Muta and Vampiro around with power moves.  Muta and Vampiro’s sporadic offense is quick kicks and attacks to the big men’s legs.

A few minutes in, Muta goes for the Green Mist and hits the ref in the face. The ref goes down. Fuck, more Russo bullshit…the Harris Brothers appear out of the crowd for some goddamn reason and lay out Kronik before retreating back into the audience. Muta hits Adam Bomb with a moonsault and gets the 1-2-3. New champions.

Winners: Great Muta & Vampiro (New Champions)

Literally about five seconds before the end of this match I thought to myself, “This isn’t really a great wrestling match, but it looks like they’re going to have a clean finish without any bullshit.” I was, of course, clearly wrong.

What a stupid match. It made the earlier Tag Team Clusterfuck completely pointless and didn’t really serve any purpose beside having the Harris Brothers, a team no one gives a shit about, return after not being seen “in months,” or however long it had been.

Meanwhile Backstage…

The Blonde Terrible Interviewer asks Booker whether or not his knee hold up tonight? Booker bellows that Double J is going to have to kill him to take the title away, which doesn’t really answer the question, but the Blonde Lady’s pretty much just like, “Meh, good enough.”

Match 10: Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner (w/ Midajah)

Prior to the match Schiavone and Company drop kayfabe and start talking about who’s “going over,” and the backstage reason why. They speculate which of the three men Vince Russo likes and who he doesn’t. They more or less come out and say that Scott Steiner is going to shoot on everyone if he’s not happy with the way the match has been laid out.

Steiner and Nash come out and then Goldberg’s music hits, but he doesn’t come out. Madden speculates that Russo just wants to show Goldberg up because he hates him. Goldberg’s music starts again and again Bill never shows. Nash and Steiner both look annoyed in the ring and are more or less like, “Just start the goddamn match.”

The goddamn match begins as a one on one contest. If you were watching this without sound it would have looked like a pretty straight forward match between Nash and Steiner but with the sound on it’s all, “is this going to be a shoot guys since Goldberg isn’t here like he’s supposed to be?”

Steiner is awesome during this part commanding the ref to “COUNT!” every time he goes for a pin. I kind of love insane heel Scott Steiner.

After awhile Goldberg does show up. His ribs are taped and he’s got a chair. He makes a bee line for Nash and wrecks his shit. Steiner tosses Goldberg into the ring and once again if the sound were turned off you’d think it a normal match, but with the sound on Scott Hudson is all “Starrcade ‘88 (he literally said ‘88 instead of ‘98): Goldberg, undefeated world champion came in, Nash, on the booking committee two weeks out and he goes over. Whadya think?“ before going back to call a pump handle suplex or whatever.  The way the announcers switch back and forth between kayfabe and “shooting,” is really weird.

Nash is back in the ring and takes off the straps of his singlet and sets up Goldberg for a jackknife powerbomb, but Goldberg shoves it off and walks out of the ring and heads to the back.

Russo appears and stops Goldberg and tells him to get his ass back in the ring. Goldberg responds with a mighty bellow of, “FUCK YOU!” and storms off. The announce team speculate, “Hey, maybe Goldberg was supposed to do something that wouldn’t have made him look good, but this doesn’t make him look good either, does it?“

Tony & Friends talk about how Goldberg was supposed to go up for the powerbomb but didn’t want to and how Nash was a real pro for not punching Goldberg out right then and there and then wonder what Nash and Steiner are going to do now that the match’s finish is ruined.

Midajah (Steiner’s Chief Freak) heads out. Scott Hudson praises her professionalism for going up for the powerbomb a couple weeks earlier. Midajah punches the ref in the dick and then punches Nash in the dick as well. Nash hits Steiner with a dick punch of his own.  Midjah comes back in the ring and hits Nash in the dick again. Nash lays out Steiner with a DDT causing the announcers to declare, “Boy, they they’re they’re working on the fly in there now, guys.”  If I can say one positive thing about this match I’ll say that the random DDT from Kevin Nash threw me for a loop and I am now of the mind that if you wanted to create an a sense that things were legitimately going wrong in a match having Kevin Nash do a move other than one of his five moves of doom is a pretty good way to go about it.

Kevin Nash lowers the straps of his singlet again (when did he return them to the upright position) and hits Steiner with the jackknife powerbomb for three.

Schiavone talks about the difference between hardcore and casual fans and Scott Hudson calls Goldberg a crybaby.

Winner: Kevin Nash

This was the dumbest fucking match ever. Everyone already knew that wrestling was pre-determined by this point, but just because people knew that it was fiction (like the majority of television we watch) doesn’t mean we want matches that revolve completely around how wrestling matches are booked. When we watch Game of Thrones or whatever we don’t want to see the actual behind the scenes stuff in place of Jon Snow wrecking house on ice zombies or dragons burninating the countryside.

When we watch wrestling we all are willing to suspend disbelief for the length of the show, the same way that we do when we watch a sci-fi movie or read a comic book. Everyone knows that they’re not really fighting but we don’t care and for some reason Russo thought it would be a good idea to be like, “NO REALLY BRO THIS IS NOT REAL! I MEAN EXCEPT THAT ONE THING THERE WHERE THE GUY DOESN’T WANT TO GO ALONG WITH THE SCRIPT! THAT PART IS REAL, BUT ALL THE COOL SHIT?  THAT’S TOTAL FAKE BRAH!”

Match 11: Booker T © vs. Jeff Jarrett for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship

Who’s going over bro? Booker’s got a Stone Cold Steve Austin knee brace on when he comes out. Jeff Jarrett stats the match by working over the other leg for some reason. I guess he’s just an idiot.

Booker’s kicks with the injured leg look weak as shit, which is good as it introduces ring psychology or rather it would have if Booker had been consistent in selling it. Booker hits a weak looking missile dropkick so Jarrett shrugs it off and posts the Booker’s leg and then hits it with a chair.

Back in the ring Double J puts Booker T in a Boston crab for some reason. I have no idea what the shit is going on.  Booker T gets amped up but the crowd doesn’t seem to care. They’re basically dead at this point.

Some more bullshit and then there’s a Spinneroni related REF BUMP. Booker throws caution to the wind and goes for a Harlem Sidekick regardless of his knee’s totally fuckedness. Jeff counters the only way he knows how…GUITAR SHOT TO THE KNEE! He follows up with a figure four leg lock. The ref comes to and pushes guitar chunks out of the ring.

Booker gets to the ropes, but Jarrett won’t break the hold because he’s an asshole. The crowd doesn’t give a shit.  Jarrett grabs the title belt, and goes to hit Booker with it, but misses and nails the ref in the face for REF BUMP #2.

Jarrett and Booker fight onto the apron directly above a conveniently located table that hadn’t been there all night. Booker weakly pushes Jarrett off through the table. I guess this was supposed to be a Bookend, but he didn’t even move.

A red headed hobbit in a referee uniform comes down to the ring. Jarrett and Booker get back into the ring and Booker pins him for two. Jarrett gets a chair and nails the red headed hobbit for REF BUMP #3. Jarrett hits the Stroke on an open chair.

Referee Charles Robinson hauls ass down to the ring. His seemingly changed his pants since the Rip Off The Clothes match from earlier in the night since they are pristine and free of mud. Jarrett gets a two count.

Booker hits a Diamond Cutter Kanyon Kutter for two and then a Bookend to end the match. Canada throws trash at the one black guy that appeared on the card as he stands victorious in the center of the ring after overcoming a whole mess of shitty Russo booking.

Winner: Booker T (Championship Retained)

Overbooked nonsense. The two could have had the same match without three refs and a bunch of ref bumps and it would have been a perfectly fine match…or more fine than it was. A pretty Russoy ending to the Russoest WCW PPV ever.

Final Thoughts:

The first match was a decent enough spotfest but that’s about it. The Mike Awesome vs. Lance Storm match was silly and maybe could have worked in America (and on a card where no other matches ended with bullshit), but in Canada? It was dumb as shit.

People who don’t understand how bad Vince Russo was just need to watch this PPV and then they will get it.

One last thing: Is there a worse wrestling announcer than Mark Madden? Dude is the fucking pits. He’s basically Jerry Lawler-esque dad boner jokes, a terrible voice, and zero knowledge of what he’s talking about. I hate him so much.

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